As Overheard in NY (1st Edition)

"Why do they have to ruin this movie with all the singing?"
-overheard in my living room from my bff Lovey while watching the classic Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
I loved this movie as a child. Only God and my mother know why. Now I can hardly look at Milly with that crazy hair-do and frighteningly teensy waist. How the heck does she sing or breathe without a life-sized torso?And yet, somehow I'm mesmerized. Captivated. Can't seem to tear my eyes away from the on-screen spectacle. It's really something like a phenomenon.

Oh and when the brothers jump through axes while balancing on a board? Sexy.

therapize this

Have I ever told you that my bestie, Lovey, is a therapist? Well she is. It comes in handy all the time. Not only is she a phenomenal bff, but she is also so useful. More useful to me than if she were a mechanic or an electrician or even a plumber. Although I think we can all agree that it would be quite useful to have friends who work in those fields.

Whenever I have a problem or a yucky feeling I know Lovey will help me work out the deeper issue. This is basically why I keep her around.

Today I have one such example to show and tell you about. Don't worry.
We were g-chatting while working very hard at our respective jobs today and... well I'll just let you read the chat for yourself.

[WARNING: The convo posted here is privileged information and should be considered confidential. Also, I fixed the spelling and order because sometimes we skip some letters and finish our thoughts out of order.]

me: bleh i have no motivation today for work or even to get up from my desk. what do u think that is about? pls therapize me
Lovey: the weather sucks, you're not happy at your job, and you need a new challenge professionally. BOOM
me: woah
you should get paid more
just saying
you could prob do "drive-thru" therapy like Dr Phil if you wanted
Lovey: LOL i would NEVER do what he does. he is a sell out and exploiter!
me: totes! but still, you'd be rich and so would i bc what's yours is mine
right?
Lovey: HA HA HA! yes, that is true.
me: ok perfect
let's get into that line of business
oh to earn my keep, maybe i could go on air with you as your side kick

me: i'll make comments about the patients- you know to make the audience laugh at them a little

Lovey: Uptown Girl!

Lovey: i would not be happy tho, and at some point would not give it my all then.
kind of like when the steam goes out.
so it would probably not be successful for very long.
me: that's ok, as long as we make a cool million first, then we can take a nice long vacay

So there you have it bloggy friends. In our therapy convo, Lovey helped me realize what was bringing me down and that I need a vacay. And I helped her realize that she should have her own show on the telly. That's the British word for tv.
Don't you wish your bestie could therapize you?
For the record here, I therapize Lovey too. My sessions cost more though, as one would expect.

ta ta for now

Oh Blogland. Woe is me. I have had some major technological access difficulties over the past week. Consider me in hiding. Alas, it is unlikely that I will be able to post until the weekend (*hoping*).




In the meantime, I have given over the keys to the blog-kingdom. The spare set. To Lovey. It is her birthday, so really, there is no better gift.

{Lovey sparkles}

My beautiful So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance-loving Uptown Girl bestie may or may not choose to utilize her newfound power. We will have to wait and see. Time will tell. Will we be so lucky?

100th post. what?!

Please prepare yourself for a multi-topical post. Because it is my blogizzle. Because it is my 100th post. Because I like to write a lot. Because I can. So go ahead, mentally prepare. Get ready.

set.

GO.

Topic numero uno: Bye Bye Love(y).

Bye bye, Lovey. Bye bye, happiness. Hello, loneliness. I think I'm a-gonna cry-y.

You read that right. Lovey is leaving. Leaving me. To travel to a far off land while I am here in the greatest city in the world. What is that about? I mean, serio, I don't see how she will even enjoy the trip at all knowing that I am here living it up in the big golden delicious apple. My prediction is this: Lovey will return to NYC with a greater appreciation for the Upper Eastside, and with a suitcase full of souvenirs and jewelry for her fave roomies (namely me), never to leave again.

Topic numero dos: Have you met McSteamy?

If your name is Elaine, then I know the answer is yes.

This is Eric Dane. But you already knew that. Sadly, Mr. Dane has a beard. You know how I feel about beards and their rankocity. I would be willing to find out if McSteamy's beard is McSmelly or not, for the purposes of science and for your benefit, of course.

And he will have to wear this suit for the scientific stank-o-meter kiss, or no dice. obvi, I don't kiss just anyone you know.

Topic numero tres: Leaving on a jet plane.

I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go.

That is a lie. I know when I'm coming back. Remember, I'm going to India at the end of November because I want to celebrate Thanksgiving the way it was intended- pilgrims and Indians together. My ancestors were pilgrims (yes, Mayflower and all), so I will go to India and do it right this year. Also to be with my brother and see the whole world.

I've been mulling over an assortment of thoughts and ideas and preparations that have to be thought thru before my trip. Today I'm mostly thinking about how to pack.

I will be travelling alone, so I really can't bring too many suitcases. Let's be honest here, how will I go to the bathroom in the airport if I'm lugging multiple suitcases? That has been my latest reoccurring nightmare.

Its like this..... I'm sleeping, like a baby, all curled up in the fetal position, comfy cozy with my carebear (vintage), when suddenly I am in the airport in Brussels for my layover. I'm trying to simultaneously roll two large suitcases behind me while eating Pepperidge Farm cookies, brussels (and oh are they delish or what?). It is really quite difficult, but I'm all proud that I can multi-task so well and do three things with only two arms. I'm walking thru the airport thinking about what a powerful world-travelling, multi-tasking, cookie-loving woman I have become. Quintessential Uptown Girl moment.

Dun-dun-dun.

And this is where the nightmare part comes in... all of a sudden I have to pee. Like really really have to go immediately. My bladder feels like it is about to burst. And I rush to the nearest bathroom (WC in a Brussels airport of course) worrying about where I will lodge my suitcases once inside. But I can't even get thru the WC door with my suitcases. I have become a wide load. And then in the dream I am suddenly being led and followed by "Wide Load" trucks with the blinking lights that lead those made to order houses when they travel on the highway. They are trying to lead me to another bathroom that can fit me with my luggage. But it is in the wrong terminal and I'm nervous that I'll pee my pants or miss my flight or something.

And then I wake up. And realize I have to go use the restroom.

What do you think this means?? Am I just nervous about travelling? Am I drinking too much aguita before bed? Is it a sign that I should travel light? Am I feeling fat? The world may never know.

Topic numero quatro: I wrote 100 posts. You're Welcome.

How did that even happen? I went from not being so into blogging and complaining that my sister wanted me to write a real post for her blog, to writing a zillion (ok 100) posts for my own fabulous blogizzle. Yowza.

Thank you for joining me on my journey. Keep coming back for the next 100!

xoxo,

Uptown Girl

Lovey Says

Today I will begin a new blog feature for your viewing pleasure. You obvi know the topic already just by reading the title... but I will elaborate.

In February of this year I took a major risk and left the peace and quiet of my own studio apartment in order to move in with Liza (my little sister) and Lovey (my sister from another mother). We were really excited to try living together, but nervous at the same time. Luckily, it turned out to be A-MAZE-ING. Instead of just living in some small city apartment alone, I now live in a homey home with my homies. Sweetness.

Lovey is one of the most loving and lovable besties an Uptown Girl could ask for, and one of the loveliest roomies ever. And she gets my sense of humor. And she would like the opportunity to contribute some of her Uptown thoughts and queries to the blogizzle. Fo shizzle.

And I have graciously agreed to post some of her Uptown thoughts here and there. From time to time. I am giving Lovey the chance to feel as important as I do. So, you're welcome Lovey. After all, she is an Uptown Girl, too, and should therefore hone her self-importance and develop her skills of condescension. Don't you agree?

On the subway on Halloween (our limo driver had the night off). I went as Facebook. Lovey was a Ladybug.

Liza: I know you must be feeling awfully left out right about now, and I want to be sensitive to that when I say: it is not all about you. Jk jk, but more on you later.


The topic Lovey has asked me to address today is that of Upper East Side (UES) dog owners. These are Lovey's thoughts:


"I think you should write about how shitty the UES is- literally. out of all the people in NYC the UES community is the wealthiest and they DO NOT pick up after their dogs. I was walking to work today and there was shit schmeered all over the sidewalk. what do they do? mush it around to piss off the poor people that dont live in their neighborhood?? its really irritating and unacceptable from people who 'claim' to be classy!!!!!"


My thoughts are quite different from Lovey's however:


I mean, is it completely "irritating and unacceptable" to have to look where I am walking at all times to be sure to avoid stepping in something disgusting and acquiring a stank that will not leave the bottom of my shoe for days? Of course. But I do not blame the dog owners. I don't want to have to clean up after a dog either. I mean- eww, gross-gusting. The problem is not the owner, it is the dog-walker. Let's get serious... the wealthy VIPs are simply not out and about walking their precious pups themselves, why would they? They are paying mega-bucks to have some everyman do the nasty job for them. I therefore blame the UES dog-walker community for the problem. They are either not properly picking up after their multitude of charges... or they are taking too many vacay days and leaving the yuppy dog-owners to attempt to walk their own dogs... and we can't expect the owners to pooper scoop, can we?? They are way too important for such menial tasks. As am I... as am I.


As always, I like to get a take on what my readers think about the topic at hand. Do you agree with Lovey? Does the blame lie with the collective UES community dog owners? Or do you agree with my views? As Uptown Girls, Lovey and I both have lots of opinions re: UES life and, from now on, you will have the distinct honor of not only reading but also commenting on these VIPs (Very Important Positions). You're welcome in advance.