Last night a DJ saved my life

You know how I love me some sweet tunes? Who doesn't. Come on. I've posted in the past about how a certain song can bring me back to a feeling, a moment, a bremory, and an era.

Life changes so much and yet things stay so much the same. I'm in a new genre today. Spanish Rock. Mainly: Mana and Juanes. My coworker is ready to kill me for playing it non-stop. But, that's nothing new. Wink to the wink wink.

In this place in my life, the genre is new bc I never hear it anymore, but really it played a large role in my relationship with my Latin eX-husband. I've been thinking about and talking about said eX so much lately that it is making me wonder. Why?

As Lovey (my bestie who happens to be a therapist to the stars) never fails to remind me, it is a good thing to feel my feelings and think about whatever is surfacing rather than distract myself and stuff my feelings. As is my inclination. I find that she is right about most things and this is no exception. Therefore, I'm rocking out in Spanish today in hopes that I can get these memories to the surface and that they will then dissipate.

These days my feelings about my eX are way chilled out compared to how intense they used to be. I no longer feel homicidal and maniacal, and I can see my part in the mess formerly known as us.

And my Catholic annulment came thru. 100 percenta!

I'm happy in my life and relieved to have that chapter closed. Officially closed. I love my roomies and living situation and I continue to be relieved not to live with the eX - but after a lot of time and distance.... I ever so humbly confess that I wouldn't want to live with myself in that relationship either. We were a toxic combo and my worstest possible qualities were on fire. Not a pretty place for an Uptown Girl to be.

That said, I'm listening to Bendita Tu Luz and offering a prayer for the eX. That he may come to a place of peace and joy, self-awareness, and love.

My prayers for him used to be quite different. So, in light of that, I also have a prayer of thanksgiving for my own growth and insight into the past (and for the annulment!). I know it will help me with my present and my future.

update and farewell

I leave for India on Wednesday. I'll be en route for 18 hours not including my short layover in Brussels. That's in Belgium for those of you who don't know.

I've been stressing freaking out overthinking preparing for the trip for what seems like ages. Pouring out my blood, sweat, and tears. Or not. I've emailed my brother (who I'll be visiting in India) about 3,658 times to ask random questions, and I've called his girlfriend (who has made the trip twice) almost daily. And now I feel ready. Mostly.

I've been told to bring linen pants and t-shirts to wear. Linen pants. Where do you find linen pants in November in NY? On the internet. QVC. They arrived in time but unfortunately they don't really fit me. They're way big and unflattering. But they're all I've got and they'll work with my oh so fashion forward t-shirts.

Even with the incredible fashion faux pas that I'll be rocking in India, I will find a way to look and be fabulous. Obvi. I'm an Uptown Girl and I'll own those larger than life linen pants that add 10 lbs to my frame. I'll be thinking in kilograms anyhow, so with all that metric conversion math I'll probably be too confused to worry about ruining my once in a lifetime photos.

Since I know how much you miss me when I'm gone, here is a little something for you to remember me by (while I'm far far away on the other side of the world for about ten days) while you celebrate the most important holiday of the year. Black Friday.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Uptown Girl here.

Uptown Girl here.
Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
I know you've been lost without me. It's only natural.

So, you want to know what I've been up to these postless weeks? You want to know where I've been?

S-T-R-A-N-D-E-D

That's right, it spells stranded. My major daily internet addiction resources have been significantly depleted. Obvi, I'm no longer using the world wide web to blog and read blogs and comment on blogs and email and gchat while I work. You'd be amazed at how many work related tasks I've accomplished. And in record breaking time. Quite thrilling and depressing at the same time. Also, I don't own a computer (read: my laptop died tragically in February and I can't quite move on. Mourning period and all).

Anywho. You've missed me and that is the reason that I'm holed up in my room late at night secretly borrowing my roomie's epically slower than an upside down turtle in a race against time sorry excuse for a laptop (sorry Lovey, but you know I blog the truth, like Lightman would if he started a blog in his fictitious existence). And I'm extremely grateful to be using said laptop to clear my head slash post this post.

Where was I? Right. You've missed me, and you're dying to know what I've been up to. A crap ton... I'll make a list.

Uptown Girl Happenings During Excruciating Internet Absence

1. Travelled via bus to and from Virginia to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and the 3 cutest children that exist (since I am now grown).
2. While sitting with my niece (still in VA), she told me "Aunt Uptown Girl, you have beautiful eyebrows". Obvi. What a smart and observant child.
   
3. Attended a Chili Cook-off (in VA) among countless married couples and their myriad of children (most of the kids were in the basement with the babysitters, where I prob belonged). Yummy chili, interesting insights into the world of family life. When we piled into the minivan at the end of the night I thought it was at least 10pm. It was 7:29. And my niece said "can we go to the party now? that wasn't a party."
   
4. Started feeling like my head might explode on the bus ride back to NY. It did not explode. It did however brew a home-concoction I like to call sinusitis. As this is still lingering I finally started antibiotics today.
5. I've tried to rest as much as possible. I've watched way too much tv, fallen further in love with the DVR, and discovered a Peruvian cold remedy that knocks me out for hours on end.
6. skipping some steps due to passing my bedtime.
7. Celebrated Lovey's bday. Multiple times. Cake, beer, fairy wings, beer, cake, ice cream, love. I love birthdays. I love Lovey. Tons O' celebratory goodness. Partied like the rockstars we are. Ain't no thang.
8. Haven't run in 2 weeks. 2. weeks. Part bc I was travelling. Then part sinusitis/head-cold/sore throat stuff. And part laziness. Yes, I've let myself go. Did you read the part about the beer, cake, and ice cream?
9. At least I have beautiful eyebrows.
10. Getting ready for India. I leave next Wednesday. Can you believe it? Visa- check. Some of my travel meds- check. Knowing what I will pack- ? eeeeeek no no no.
11. Work happy (3) hour party with dancing and unprofessional behavior. But not from me.
    
12. You should also know that I had a great hair day today.
13. MISSING BLOGGING. I've realized how much I rely on blogging to get out my thoughts and feelings and ideas. And how much you need me. I'm so sorry for your loss in these last days and weeks. I will do my best to beg, borrow, and steal (prob steal) my way onto computers to post for you. Because that's the kind of Uptown Girl I am.

{threading. one day I'll share my secret with my nieces. and if you know this pretty girl from google images, please share with her the secret called "eye makeup remover". kthanxbye.}

I hope this post addressed your concerns and satisfied your curiosity for now. And remember, curiosity killed the cat.

xoxo,
Uptown Girl

100th post. what?!

Please prepare yourself for a multi-topical post. Because it is my blogizzle. Because it is my 100th post. Because I like to write a lot. Because I can. So go ahead, mentally prepare. Get ready.

set.

GO.

Topic numero uno: Bye Bye Love(y).

Bye bye, Lovey. Bye bye, happiness. Hello, loneliness. I think I'm a-gonna cry-y.

You read that right. Lovey is leaving. Leaving me. To travel to a far off land while I am here in the greatest city in the world. What is that about? I mean, serio, I don't see how she will even enjoy the trip at all knowing that I am here living it up in the big golden delicious apple. My prediction is this: Lovey will return to NYC with a greater appreciation for the Upper Eastside, and with a suitcase full of souvenirs and jewelry for her fave roomies (namely me), never to leave again.

Topic numero dos: Have you met McSteamy?

If your name is Elaine, then I know the answer is yes.

This is Eric Dane. But you already knew that. Sadly, Mr. Dane has a beard. You know how I feel about beards and their rankocity. I would be willing to find out if McSteamy's beard is McSmelly or not, for the purposes of science and for your benefit, of course.

And he will have to wear this suit for the scientific stank-o-meter kiss, or no dice. obvi, I don't kiss just anyone you know.

Topic numero tres: Leaving on a jet plane.

I'm leaving on a jet plane. Don't know when I'll be back again. Oh babe, I hate to go.

That is a lie. I know when I'm coming back. Remember, I'm going to India at the end of November because I want to celebrate Thanksgiving the way it was intended- pilgrims and Indians together. My ancestors were pilgrims (yes, Mayflower and all), so I will go to India and do it right this year. Also to be with my brother and see the whole world.

I've been mulling over an assortment of thoughts and ideas and preparations that have to be thought thru before my trip. Today I'm mostly thinking about how to pack.

I will be travelling alone, so I really can't bring too many suitcases. Let's be honest here, how will I go to the bathroom in the airport if I'm lugging multiple suitcases? That has been my latest reoccurring nightmare.

Its like this..... I'm sleeping, like a baby, all curled up in the fetal position, comfy cozy with my carebear (vintage), when suddenly I am in the airport in Brussels for my layover. I'm trying to simultaneously roll two large suitcases behind me while eating Pepperidge Farm cookies, brussels (and oh are they delish or what?). It is really quite difficult, but I'm all proud that I can multi-task so well and do three things with only two arms. I'm walking thru the airport thinking about what a powerful world-travelling, multi-tasking, cookie-loving woman I have become. Quintessential Uptown Girl moment.

Dun-dun-dun.

And this is where the nightmare part comes in... all of a sudden I have to pee. Like really really have to go immediately. My bladder feels like it is about to burst. And I rush to the nearest bathroom (WC in a Brussels airport of course) worrying about where I will lodge my suitcases once inside. But I can't even get thru the WC door with my suitcases. I have become a wide load. And then in the dream I am suddenly being led and followed by "Wide Load" trucks with the blinking lights that lead those made to order houses when they travel on the highway. They are trying to lead me to another bathroom that can fit me with my luggage. But it is in the wrong terminal and I'm nervous that I'll pee my pants or miss my flight or something.

And then I wake up. And realize I have to go use the restroom.

What do you think this means?? Am I just nervous about travelling? Am I drinking too much aguita before bed? Is it a sign that I should travel light? Am I feeling fat? The world may never know.

Topic numero quatro: I wrote 100 posts. You're Welcome.

How did that even happen? I went from not being so into blogging and complaining that my sister wanted me to write a real post for her blog, to writing a zillion (ok 100) posts for my own fabulous blogizzle. Yowza.

Thank you for joining me on my journey. Keep coming back for the next 100!

xoxo,

Uptown Girl

skipping town

That's right. I am taking a trip.

I'm leaving town right before Thanksgiving and travelling around the world for 10 days. Or something like that. My little brother is all growed up now and has been living in India (not to be confused with Indiana) since July 2008. And I am finally going to go visit him. One month before he moves back to NY.

I bought my ticket two days ago and now I have to wonder... is India ready for me? Watch for me in upcoming Bollywood films bc prob some famous Indian actor/director/producer will scoop me up and want me to lead a spontaneous-coordinated-dance-scene while singing like a bird taking flight on a sweet summer morn. Obvi.

Before I leave, I have ever so much planning to do. Get a visa, shots, malaria meds, and figure out what to pack. This last task will be the greatest obstacle for me. I mean, what does one wear when travelling across the world to visit one's brother and planning to be discovered by Bollywood and then most def attending multiple red carpet events and galas as the newest star in Bollywood? Do I need ball gowns? Should I wait and buy them during my trip so I don't have to pack them? How will I do my hair? What color nail polish will I need to bring? Guchi Muchi Puchi? Expose Your Toes? Starter Wife? Oh the color options are endless.

Ok and one more dilemma... and this is weighing heavy on my mind. Night and day. What will I do with all of the inevitable suitors? As a foreigner I feel quite conflicted about stealing and then subsequently breaking the hearts of countless Indian men. It seems unfair to these men and also to the innocent women to whom they rightfully belong. The truth is, I just have too many suitors as it is and can't take on any more at this time. As the saying goes, my dance card is full. I will attempt to address the issue head on before it gets out of hand. But how? Do I cease all waxing, tweezing, and threading for the next two months in hopes of making myself look so sicknast I will repel men? Do I cover my gorgeous locks with the ugliest $5 street scarf I can locate as a disguise (oh that might work here in NYC for papa razzi as well...)? Do I walk around with my brother arm in arm and pretend he is my significant other? Do I have the stomach for that nonsense? Or do I have a t-shirt made up ahead of time that says "my dance card is full" on the front, and "your heart will go on" on the back?

As you can probably guess, I will have a lot on my mind these next two months until launch. And I will try to prepare you for my absence as best I can by appointing guest bloggers to fill the gap, dry your tears, and settle your soul.

miss me

I'm flying out to Minnesota in the morning to go to a conference for work. And I extended my stay so that I can visit with some VIPs. I'll get to see my friend from college (Mary- more on Mary after the visit) and then drive to Wisconsin to see my grandfather, Papa Buck (mayor of Wisconsin) for a couple days. He's a hoot. A scotch-pushing hoot. My most vivid memories of Papa Buck are when he would give the little girl version of me sips of scotch and I would cringe! But eventually I stopped cringing... hrmmmm.

I've never been up north to Minnesota or Wisconsin and I will report back. Oh, yeah, I'll be gone until Tuesday. If I can find a computer I will give you an update on my fab mini-work trip/vacay...

I'll miss you blogland! Will you miss me, too? How will you occupy yourself while I'm away?

TELL ME EVERYTHING.

Georgia on My Mind

That's right bloggity bloggers I'm outey. Makey outey? Workey outey?

nope.
outey outey.

Heading to the great state of Georgia. Off to conquer the South like the Yankee I am.



Don't worry because I will try to post from Georgia. Really I'm gonna try to get my precious little Georgia Peaches (Helena and Mary) to post for me... so you can get the flava flave of those darling Southern accents and phrases. That's right, y'all.

My plan for a return post on Tuesday (yes I am planning ahead): I will collect all the little phrases, metaphors, and similes I hear while on vacay. And I will bring them back to you as a souvenir! I'm the best, I know. You don't have to thank me now. Thank me on Tuesday.

One phrase I happen to recall from *Adventures in Georgia: Trip 1-Izzle My Nizzle Lemon Drizzle* in March, 2003. Oh, those were the days... I remember them fondly.

I got off the plane, Helena picked me up at the postage-stamp-sized airport. We were both so excited and giggly. I asked her if she had to work while I was visiting, and if she could spend a lot of time with me. She replied:

"Girl, I'm gonna be stuck to you like white on rice!"


Translation: "No, I'm not working, you silly Yankee, and we'll get to spend a lot of time together... but I talk this way because I'm way cool... now let's go get some barbecue".

Ahhh... I know this is Uptown Blasphemy, but I think I was meant to be a Southerner. When I'm down yonder I even get into talking the way they talk, saying y'all, and trying to come up with weird sayings like this...

When I get off the plane tomorrow I plan on telling Helena:

"Girl, I'm so happy to be here, glad you don't hafta work this weekend cuz I'm gonna be stuck to you like gum in a little girl's curls!"

Translation: "So glad to be in Georgia with you and that you aren't working. I'm excited to spend time with you because you are the coolest. You are so so presh! And by the time Monday rolls around it'll be really rly hard to say goodbye so let's live it up! Let's party like the rockstars we are. Oh yeah, we have a costume party where we are dressing up as 80's rockstars, how should we do our hair? Do you have any banana clips?"
This is a picture of how I probably looked during *Trip 1*. Don't I look fetch?

Will you miss me while I'm away? I know you will. Don't cry little one. I will treasure you in my heart for the next 5 days until we are re-united. I will eat peaches and barbecue in your honor. I will suffer thru the massive amounts of humidity wishing you could experience it with me. I will get a tan and laugh away 10 pounds knowing that you want the best for me. I will swim my little heart out and have a handstand contest in the pool. I will win that handstand contest for you. To make you proud. I will have a grand ole time.

Until we meet again.... peace out trout.

bye bye Michael

clickety click: You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson

I have such a wide range of emotions flowing at the news of Michael Jackson's death. It is unreal and unexpected. Both his passing and the feelings I'm having.

I think the hard part is that I associate MJ with a lot of bremories. Good and bad. And he was such an obviously sad, disturbed, yet completely talented man.

"You are not alone" was my song with my 8th grade boyfriend (1 of 2 songs). I still love it. It makes me think of Chris and wonder what he is up to. Makes me want to Facebook stalk him and try to remember our 14 year old innocent love. Before I callously broke his heart that is. Are you sensing a pattern? I've never been any good at this dating/relationship thing. And yet I keep trying. At this stage I try with the dating scene... but I try to be much more sensitive, open-minded, and clear about my feelings (both on dates and with myself). I am working on paying attention. Noticing both good and bad signals. Listening to my gut feelings. Using my voice and being heard. Looking for a situation where the signals from my head and heart and body are aligned and balanced. Trying but not yet quite there. Better late than never? Only time will tell.

So yeah, that is 1 good bremory brought about by Jacko. The bad ones are too private to share with you (we're just not on that level of intimacy yet- no offense). As I said here, and was reminded yesterday by this blogizzle, music is my memory (i mean bremory- sorry about the lapse in my vocab). Oh and I forgot to update you about the Oldies!

I've started listening to my beloved Oldies once more. I can't believe I stayed away for so long... they missed me and I missed them. Sacot. I have listened to them and listened to them and I've been working on new associations. It has actually worked. Turned out to be a great step in the right direction: closure. Like putting stitches on an open wound. Hurts at first, but helps the healing.

I may just try it with my most painful song to hear - THE song with the eX. At Last. Etta James. I said maybe. Nah, I'm not ready yet. And pls do not play that song around me unless you want me to break your ipod or cut you or F#^k you up! :)

Obvi Michael Jackson will be missed, wondered about, sainted, and condemned- depending who you talk to. I'm a mixed bag. A bag of tricks. A bag of groceries. Now I'm hungry. Got to go find that butler with the silver platter and a silver spoon.

I'll leave you with these lyrics:

There's a place in your heart

And I know that it is love

And this place could be much

Brighter than tomorrow.

And if you really try

You'll find there's no need to cry

In this place you'll feel

There's no hurt or sorrow.

There are ways to get there

If you care enough for the living

Make a little space, make a better place.

Heal the world

Make it a better place

For you and for me and the entire human race

There are people dying

If you care enough for the living

Make a better place for

You and for me.