help Haiti now...

Please see Own it for multiple links and ways to help Haitians through the earthquake and resulting catastrophic suffering. I'll be volunteering at charity:water, let me know if you want to join. Thanks for posting everything Liza! Sharing is caring.

cheer me up

I have not been a very good blogger these last 6 days.
I have been sad and feeling yucky.

Yes, that's right, what I've got they used to call the blues.

In the words of a broken heart, it's just emotion that's taken me over. Ok, I'm writing in song lyrics once again. I can't help it. You know you love it and/or it freaks you out (and feel free to name the songs I quoted or perhaps mis-quoted). As I've said before, I think better in song lyrics They seem to help me express whatever it is I'm feeling. Especially if my feelings are a jumbled up heap of mess- picture a closet with random shoes and clothes that need sorting, but instead they are in a big pile that begins to overflow when you open the door. Add a few dust bunnies.

Also that is a visual of my actual closet.

I'm super into listening to my music this week. And my computer is working better than usual and allowing my precious imeem to come thru. I'm into my precious Oldies, Ingrid Michaelson, Taylor Swift, and Regina Spektor. Still. Remember when I posted about patience a couple weeks back? I was in a spot where I had to choose one of two paths and was waffling. Well my patience paid off and my thoughts and feelings became clear. Unfortunately my gut was so clearly telling me to choose another path than the one I was taking. And I hurt someone that I care about. I broke-up with an awesome guy. And now I feel just awful. He didn't see it coming. I am going thru the shoulda woulda couldas. I shoulda woulda coulda told him that I was having doubts instead of giving him a shock that sent him into next year.

I know I need to listen to my gut because when I ignore those deep nagging feelings I get myself into trouble. I just want to know why my gut has to make things so difficult for me?

To quote just one more song... I wish it would rain.

{yes even my title is a song lyric. and yes, I know I'm crazy}

feel bad for me...

I want you to know that I've been trying to post an uber important hilario pic to share with you. Bc that's the kind of girl I am.

But, alas, I cannot. I'm quite upset right now because my amazing plan is foiled. The internet can be soooo lamespice.

Anyway, this post is to tell you that it is ok if you feel bad for me. In fact, feel free to comfort me in my disappointment. And, as always, the best way to encourage me is to send me gifts. I am a size zero or 2 at most American stores, and if you feel so inclined as to make me something on your sewing machine, my dimensions are 36-24-36.

I'm starting to feel better already. Blogging is so cathartic sometimes, don't you think?

bye bye Michael

clickety click: You Are Not Alone - Michael Jackson

I have such a wide range of emotions flowing at the news of Michael Jackson's death. It is unreal and unexpected. Both his passing and the feelings I'm having.

I think the hard part is that I associate MJ with a lot of bremories. Good and bad. And he was such an obviously sad, disturbed, yet completely talented man.

"You are not alone" was my song with my 8th grade boyfriend (1 of 2 songs). I still love it. It makes me think of Chris and wonder what he is up to. Makes me want to Facebook stalk him and try to remember our 14 year old innocent love. Before I callously broke his heart that is. Are you sensing a pattern? I've never been any good at this dating/relationship thing. And yet I keep trying. At this stage I try with the dating scene... but I try to be much more sensitive, open-minded, and clear about my feelings (both on dates and with myself). I am working on paying attention. Noticing both good and bad signals. Listening to my gut feelings. Using my voice and being heard. Looking for a situation where the signals from my head and heart and body are aligned and balanced. Trying but not yet quite there. Better late than never? Only time will tell.

So yeah, that is 1 good bremory brought about by Jacko. The bad ones are too private to share with you (we're just not on that level of intimacy yet- no offense). As I said here, and was reminded yesterday by this blogizzle, music is my memory (i mean bremory- sorry about the lapse in my vocab). Oh and I forgot to update you about the Oldies!

I've started listening to my beloved Oldies once more. I can't believe I stayed away for so long... they missed me and I missed them. Sacot. I have listened to them and listened to them and I've been working on new associations. It has actually worked. Turned out to be a great step in the right direction: closure. Like putting stitches on an open wound. Hurts at first, but helps the healing.

I may just try it with my most painful song to hear - THE song with the eX. At Last. Etta James. I said maybe. Nah, I'm not ready yet. And pls do not play that song around me unless you want me to break your ipod or cut you or F#^k you up! :)

Obvi Michael Jackson will be missed, wondered about, sainted, and condemned- depending who you talk to. I'm a mixed bag. A bag of tricks. A bag of groceries. Now I'm hungry. Got to go find that butler with the silver platter and a silver spoon.

I'll leave you with these lyrics:

There's a place in your heart

And I know that it is love

And this place could be much

Brighter than tomorrow.

And if you really try

You'll find there's no need to cry

In this place you'll feel

There's no hurt or sorrow.

There are ways to get there

If you care enough for the living

Make a little space, make a better place.

Heal the world

Make it a better place

For you and for me and the entire human race

There are people dying

If you care enough for the living

Make a better place for

You and for me.