secret cake club... shhhh!

Have you heard of the prohibition and how it led to people making their own alcohol and drinking secretly? Secret knocks? Secret clubs where only the elite are invited in? Oh you have?

Here in NYC we have a few secret clubs of our own. My sister visited a bar on Saturday that served booze in teacups and had a secret entrance.

Even better, I am now a member of a secret society of my own. In this world where gluttony and sugar are taboo, one has to binge out on cake in the most private setting possible you know. I don't want to be caught with icing on my face by any puritanical nutritionists, diabetics, or corn-syrup haters. That would be too awkward.

Luckily, there weren't any raids last night at the oh-so-secret cake club (so secret I cannot reveal the name).

It's a wonder I even made it there. This was the process to join:
1- Go to secret website and submit a request for approval.
2- An email was sent out with specific directions re: what day and what time to RSVP online to be considered for the monthly cake club. You must RSVP at this specific time.
4- An invitation is sent in the mail with a phone number to text.
5- The text results in a return text with the address of the club.
6- At the club, a gentleman waits at the door checking names and approving admission (and taking $20 per head).

I can only compare this to the college application process. But the benefits were much greater than a college acceptance.

My friend and I attended the 7pm shift. Roughly ten cake lovers arrive every hour starting at 6pm and ending at midnight to devour the goods served with gold spoons in a small but lovely apartment.

My camera phone does NOT do justice to the deliciocity before you. The theme for last night's club was a variation on typical American desserts. The cake maker stood in her kitchen serving sample sizes of all kinds of tempting desserts. Twinkies made with a banana flavor. Apple Bread Crisp. Strawberry Shortcake. Homemade Donuts. Chocolate Wafer Cake with Whipped Cream. Coca-Cola Flavored Ice Cream. Budweiser Flavored Ice Cream.

I don't know what made me capitalize all the foods just now except for my undying respect for their memory. And I should tell you... that is just a sampling. There were even more options available for my binge enjoyment than I can recall.

Anyway, I just wanted to share the highlight of my weekend - the glitz and the glamor of the gorge. And to say: eat your heart out Blogland!

Uptown Girl here.

Uptown Girl here.
Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
I know you've been lost without me. It's only natural.

So, you want to know what I've been up to these postless weeks? You want to know where I've been?

S-T-R-A-N-D-E-D

That's right, it spells stranded. My major daily internet addiction resources have been significantly depleted. Obvi, I'm no longer using the world wide web to blog and read blogs and comment on blogs and email and gchat while I work. You'd be amazed at how many work related tasks I've accomplished. And in record breaking time. Quite thrilling and depressing at the same time. Also, I don't own a computer (read: my laptop died tragically in February and I can't quite move on. Mourning period and all).

Anywho. You've missed me and that is the reason that I'm holed up in my room late at night secretly borrowing my roomie's epically slower than an upside down turtle in a race against time sorry excuse for a laptop (sorry Lovey, but you know I blog the truth, like Lightman would if he started a blog in his fictitious existence). And I'm extremely grateful to be using said laptop to clear my head slash post this post.

Where was I? Right. You've missed me, and you're dying to know what I've been up to. A crap ton... I'll make a list.

Uptown Girl Happenings During Excruciating Internet Absence

1. Travelled via bus to and from Virginia to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and the 3 cutest children that exist (since I am now grown).
2. While sitting with my niece (still in VA), she told me "Aunt Uptown Girl, you have beautiful eyebrows". Obvi. What a smart and observant child.
   
3. Attended a Chili Cook-off (in VA) among countless married couples and their myriad of children (most of the kids were in the basement with the babysitters, where I prob belonged). Yummy chili, interesting insights into the world of family life. When we piled into the minivan at the end of the night I thought it was at least 10pm. It was 7:29. And my niece said "can we go to the party now? that wasn't a party."
   
4. Started feeling like my head might explode on the bus ride back to NY. It did not explode. It did however brew a home-concoction I like to call sinusitis. As this is still lingering I finally started antibiotics today.
5. I've tried to rest as much as possible. I've watched way too much tv, fallen further in love with the DVR, and discovered a Peruvian cold remedy that knocks me out for hours on end.
6. skipping some steps due to passing my bedtime.
7. Celebrated Lovey's bday. Multiple times. Cake, beer, fairy wings, beer, cake, ice cream, love. I love birthdays. I love Lovey. Tons O' celebratory goodness. Partied like the rockstars we are. Ain't no thang.
8. Haven't run in 2 weeks. 2. weeks. Part bc I was travelling. Then part sinusitis/head-cold/sore throat stuff. And part laziness. Yes, I've let myself go. Did you read the part about the beer, cake, and ice cream?
9. At least I have beautiful eyebrows.
10. Getting ready for India. I leave next Wednesday. Can you believe it? Visa- check. Some of my travel meds- check. Knowing what I will pack- ? eeeeeek no no no.
11. Work happy (3) hour party with dancing and unprofessional behavior. But not from me.
    
12. You should also know that I had a great hair day today.
13. MISSING BLOGGING. I've realized how much I rely on blogging to get out my thoughts and feelings and ideas. And how much you need me. I'm so sorry for your loss in these last days and weeks. I will do my best to beg, borrow, and steal (prob steal) my way onto computers to post for you. Because that's the kind of Uptown Girl I am.

{threading. one day I'll share my secret with my nieces. and if you know this pretty girl from google images, please share with her the secret called "eye makeup remover". kthanxbye.}

I hope this post addressed your concerns and satisfied your curiosity for now. And remember, curiosity killed the cat.

xoxo,
Uptown Girl

tell me why...

Why does coffee taste better when I pay $1.25 and get it at the street cart (from the guy who tells me I have nice eyes) than when I make it myself or buy it at a gourmet cafe?



Why does my hair have a mind of its own?



Why do I remember to call people back when I'm in the middle of something already and then forget completely when I have free time?



Why is Monday part of the work week when it should so obviously be part of the weekend?

Why does ice cream taste best straight out of the carton?

Why do I remember some dreams so vividly but forget others even before I open my eyes?



Why do certain foods get caught in my teeth?



Why is Kanye West such an arse? And why didn't Taylor Swift show him her mean left hook?



Why don't I have a cool accent?



Why doesn't my chauffeur ever arrive in time?



Why doesn't Ryan Reynolds get the hint that I'm not interested (he is a married man after all; plus there is a line... obvi)?



Why can't the summer last forever? And why can't I spend all my time at an all-inclusive resort on a tropical beach?
Soooo... who can answer these oh-so-important life questions? I know I'm getting philosophical on you and it is only Monday morning, but this is what I have on my mind today, so you will just have to deal with it. What are you wondering?

I don't speak low-fat

So this girl walks into a bar and orders a fro-yo....

The bartender just looks at her and says "what now??"



Ok that is not a true story or a funny joke. I will tell you what really happened.

I was walking along 2nd Avenue and chit-chatting it up with my sister Liza and a friend. We will call the friend "Neighbor Girl" (she is a friend AND a neighbor in our bldg- did you figure that part out?) to protect her identity from the shame that will soon be upon "Neighbor Girl's" head.

We're walking, talking, noticing our uptown surroundings. Right. So, Neighbor Girl recently introduced me to this new and wonderfully delish ice cream eatery. The place is Last Licks on East 93rd- love the name and you simply MUST try it. As we passed by I told Liza about the yummy ice cream and how they have $2 sundaes on Sundays. [aside: I don't know of any other places where I can buy something worth buying for $2 on any day of any week ever ever ever]

So Neighbor Girl goes "and their fro-yo is really good too". I said "fro-yo? what? speak English please".

So apparently fro-yo is the abbreve for Frozen Yogurt! Did you know this?? I've never heard it before. But, I generally try to surround myself with people who share my interests. Food, Josh Duhamel, shopping, beer, etc.

I don't speak low-fat because I don't eat low fat. What is the point? Don't you just have to eat twice as much to get your needed/wanted daily value of fat? I mean not that I'm against eating extra food or anything, don't get me wrong. But, if I'm gonna eat a crap ton I want it to taste good. More than good, I want my food to taste delish. I eat some healthy foods, its not all crap. But I want my healthy foods to taste good, too.

When Neighbor Girl introduced me to this ice cream joint she ordered her famous fro-yo. But, I chose to avert my eyes. I stared at, ogled, and then ate my real ice cream. And then it was gone. You know, you can't have your ice cream and eat it too. I learned that the hard way. Anyway, I ignored the sad fact that Neighbor Girl ate low-fat fro-yo right in front of me. But, when she later had the nerve to bring it up in convo... well I was appalled.

I cry at night thinking of all the empty calories people consume when they eat low-fat. It truly saddens me to pieces. Why not eat fatty-ful delicious calories instead? I think it is a disease that will later be discovered and they will do a mini-documentary on this very topic on Good Morning America, followed by an exclusive on 20/20. They will prob want to interview me as I was the first to write about the disorder. What should I wear for my interview? I will have to ponder this.

The question remains... can I continue in my friendship with Neighbor Girl? Should I host an intervention party at my apartment where I gather a group of close friends and coworkers to convince Neighbor Girl that fro-yo is not a valid choice at an ice cream store? Probably. What does one wear to host an intervention? Something red and flashy that says "look how great I'm doing, so you should listen to me"? Or maybe something neutral that says "this is a safe place, I will not cut you"? Probably something blue, I always hear that blue is a calming color and maybe it will just lull her to sleep.

Ok, I gotta go plan a party and an outfit. Busy busy. Oh, and work. This is shaping up to be a hectic day... until next time, ciao!