Safety 1st

Crossing the street can be a very dangerous thing to do.

During my morning commute last week, I witnessed a man walking across the street while a turning SUV sped up as if to hit the pedestrian. It was a very near miss, and the pedestrian was angry. I was angry too. This is New York and there are pedestrians everywhere, so drivers need to pay attention lest they hit one. And on the Upper Eastside, I do not tolerate this sort of behavior. Obvi.

Generally though, when a near-miss happens, Mr. Driver realizes that he nearly killed someone and takes a second to apologize or look embarrassed, or at least has the decency to drive off quickly.

Not this time.

This time, Mr. Driver slowed down to yell at the pedestrian! And as the shocked witness, I can tell you that it was clearly the driver's fault in this instance.

This time, Mr. Driver even pulled over and parked. He was clearly looking for a fight but the victim of his recklessness had already escaped, thank God. Fighting on the UES is base and therefore not tolerated. Unless previously contracted and agreed upon by yours truly, or outside of a bar on 2nd Avenue past 11pm.

As the solid citizen that I am, I noted this A$$hole's license plate so that he can be banned from further UES maniacal antics and banished to Midtown where he belongs. Get this... it was a vanity plate!

It read:

RUDE1

I die.

This is so perfect.

And now you know, if someone has a NY plate that says RUDE1, you should egg his black SUV whilst keeping in mind that Mr. Driver is looking for fights and will most likely try to kill you.