This

I've never been a huge country music fan. Admittedly, I get into the poppy sounding stuff. But, for the most part I have no clue what's out there in country-music-ville.

Did you know that Darius Rucker has a new album? Never thinking it was a country sound, I've loved Hootie and the Blowfish for always and forever. Even won tickets from a radio contest to see them in a private(ish) concert a few years ago.

Anywho, I downloaded Darius' new song "This" today and listened to it multiple times.... I'm not saying it is the best song ever or anything, but it spoke to me. And that's what counts.

It has such a message. It hit me and I got the magnitude like woah. Moral of the story: the lyrics are all about how whatever went right in life or wrong in life is what led to this point. I like that.

I'm a huge opponent of the phrase "everything happens for a reason". It is a statement that drives me cra-zy. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. Someday I'll tell you all about it. And I apologize ahead of time for that day. :)

This song, however, is what I think people are trying to say with "everything happens for a reason". That when life happens and things go wrong and big huge moments don't go as planned, hoped, and longed for, we have an opportunity. To grow. To change. To learn and move and pick ourselves up to face another day. And when we do, our lives take a new direction for better or worse. And those new directions lead to this. The now.

I was upset recently because I'd really like to be in a relationship and it just doesn't seem to be working out, nor does it ever work out as planned in my very smart brain. I get so sick of first dates: that nervous uncomfortable feeling, the way I make every goodbye awkward, and how I generally turn out to not like the guy anyway!

I confess that I had a pity-party where I mourned the past and doomed the future. I spilled my guts and my tears with my roomies who helped baby-step me back to reality of life and love, and the life I love.
[aside: maybe I took too many baby-steps, because today I can think of a zillion reasons why I'm happy to be single and not in a relationship. Happy to be in the here and now with me, myself, and I.]

Living in the present moment is practically impossible. I've attempted to do it all my life and still can't seem to stay in today for more than an instant. When I do though, I can be nothing but grateful.

Grateful for my mother.
Grateful for my family and my friends. Who they are and who they have helped me to be.
Grateful for my health and my life.
Grateful for getting past all those terrible days and for the path I took to pass each one by. Whether it be a family emergency, a break-up, a bad haircut, or a pity-party. I'm glad I'm in today rather than those days!

And I know those days will come again. Suffering comes to all.
But for right now I'm grateful.

Pieces of lyrics I liked from "This":
"Maybe it didn't turn out like I planned
Maybe that's why I'm such a lucky man
...
All the doors that I had to close,
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
Cause it led me here to this"