back to the future

Here I am. Back in business.

NYC missed me more than usual and I am not at liberty to say why. Let's just say it is because I'm amazing and leave it at that.

I have so much to tell you and so much to catch-up on now that I'm back in the home country.

I'll start by bringing you up to speed on the southern phrases...

I mentioned to Helena that I hadn't seen her in a year, although she insisted she was in NYC visiting me in May. Yeah... that was May, 2008. When she figured that out she said:

"It seems like I was just up there. It's been one hot minute."

Translation:

"Uptown Girl, you are so smart. I guess time flies."

Hot is hot. Hot is the new black. I heard it used in these 5 ways: Hot mess. Hot minute. Hot stuff. Hot and humid. Hot 80s costume.

In a hot minute I'll tell you some other phrases.

Negative. Negative is a big one. Instead of answering a question using the standard "no", I heard a lot of "negative".

That is a lie. Instead of correcting a word or a phrase, or taking it back, etc, Helena would state "that is a lie". For example....

"I like having you around Uptown Girl. That is a lie. I love having you around. Even if it is for only a few days. Negative. That is a lie. You are only here for a hot minute."

Moral of the story: Helena lies a lot.

Mary, on the other hand, is as honest as white on rice. She says a lot of "I'm not gonna lie". For example:

"I'm not gonna lie, you look like a hot mess Uptown Girl." Thanks for being so forthcoming Mary. You have my trust.

Well, those are all the new phrases I can recall. Aren't they fetch? *wink* *wink* Obvi.

The main thing I need to catch-up on now that I'm homeski is... wait for it... blogging! My bloggizzle missed me and my ferociously fierce self. And I missed reading all y'all's blogs. I'm way behind in my reading. My blog reading and my Harry Potter reading. Yes, I am reading the first HP book as we speak blog. So far... eh. It's aight. It's ok. I do kinda want my own owl to deliver my mail, newspaper, and parcels. I mean, why should I not have that? I live in the land of the free and home of the privileged. I should have an owl. I would send a lot more parcels if I had an owl. Totes. But it's no Lord of the Rings... and def not as good as Twilight so far... oh Edward Cullen. Oh me, oh my.

btw- i don't know about you, but I'm so falling out of love with Robward. I mean... I need to re-read Twilight after I finish HP, and I will always be Team Edward (sorry all you Team Jacob-ites. No comparison there. I mean, does Jacob sparkle?? that's what I thought. yeah. NO). But that Robert Pattinson kid? I'm liking and swooning less and less. And less. He just doesn't embody Edward Cullen for me. Too much? Is this giving you a mini-heart attack? I apologize ahead of time to those of you who may be scandalized and offended. And I offer you this peace offering:

I believe that jewelry can heal all wounds. Who doesn't love a new pair of earrings??

As for my ideas for an alternate movie Edward...

Who likes Hayward? I think Hayden Christensen would be a good fit. He could at least audition for the role anyway.

And another Robward! Robert Buckley. I can actually picture him sparkling in the sun. And wearing those glasses so we can't see his vampire-ish eye color.

Mr. Buckley, you have my vote.

Who are you voting for? Current Robward, Hayward, or alternate Robward? I would totally go for someone completely better but had to choose guys who could pass for 17. Oh this is getting awkward. Like a turtle on its back.

So, what's everybody been up to in my absence? A lot of tears? A lot of boredom? A lot of curiosity about my va-cay-cay? That's only natural. I'm back now so rest easy you little hot mess, you.

Tell me everything. aaaannnnnndddddd GO.