Tuesday, July 13, 2010


If the virtual world of social media has taught me anything of use (it hasn't), it is that people want a status update now and again. This isn't always the case, but people like to think that other people care about the update. And, of course, people don't always care. But you care about my status updates and that's what matters.

The update is that I'm on a dating hiatus. Partly by choice and partly by accepting the situation for what it is. Yes, I already updated this status, I suppose, when I told you I ended my online dating career. I was utterly fed up with online dating and frustrated by my own obsession with it. I mean... come on. Who wants to hear all that "why didn't he call?" and "maybe he'll call tonight" and "oh what a d-bag" all the time, over and over in your own head? Not me. It was at the point where I was annoying myself and, well, it was pretty annoying. Believe me.

And now, on my hiatus, I have a clearer head and a peaceful heart. I'm much happier with my singleness. Read: I'm content. It means that I'm on a break from stressing out about what is. This by no means means that I'm not open to dating. Feel free to send your brother, cousin, son, guy-friend, or co-worker my way. Just please only send grown-ups. Literally and figuratively.

My mancation* is all that it's cracked up to be. I know all the answers to all the silly little "He's Just Not That Into You" questions. The answer is.... NO. No he's no calling tonight. Read: I don't need to check my phone a zillion times and get disappointed a zillion times. It's freeing, chillaxing, and calmer.

My roommates Some might compare me to Ginnifer Goodwin's role in the "He's Just Not That Into You" movie. Full of hope and pouring oodles of effort into meeting someone who fills her heart with joy. Only to be consistently crushed. [aside: this applies in the Leading Up To A Relationship stage of dating. To reveal my In A Relationship behavior and personality, please see the long ridiculous and embarassing post that i haven't yet written.]

Like this character, I'm repeating a mantra. "I'm not the exception, I'm the rule". As you would imagine, this mantra is quite convoluted for an Uptown Girl to wrap her brain around.
I'm so used to being a special, unique, and exceptional Uptown Girl, that it is a lot of work to convince me that "I'm the rule". And that "Men Love Bitches". That's another one I need to work on... being more of a bi-otch to the men I date.

Do you see?? See what happens? Not 2 paragraphs ago, I was telling you how calm I am. And a moment later I'm already deciding what I need to work on and tell myself and how to behave so these men (who, I can readily admit, are the biggest idiots and douches out there) will like me! This is problem. I don't want to have to play some stupid manipulative game.

I need this mancation. A well deserved break from acting "approachable yet aloof". That's hard work. I want to just let my hair down. Or, more like, put it in a ponytail. I want to be myself and hang with the people who can see and love that self. And that is all.

For now.

*according to the world wide web, mancation is a vacay for men. according to me, it is a vacay from them.


Lovey said...

Uptown Girl, I loved everything you said. Except 1 thing!


M-Cat said...

okay- BE YOURSELF! If it's a ponytail, than it's a friggin ponytail! Relax, have fun living the life in NY (since some of us are living it vicariously through you), and please don'e let yourself become a bi-otch. It will just bring the wrong kind of dudes around.


Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Wow you really think being a bitch and not in a pony tail will attract the right guys? You need to reread "he's just not that into you again"

Be yourself because as soon as you are you will attract the kind of man you want.

Enjoy the Manvacation and love yourself. It's corny but it works and I have proof! :-)

carma said...

yes, acting "approachable yet aloof" has got to get exhausting. A dating break if probably a good idea. Some days I need a marriage break ;-)

The Artisann said...

i think this is a great idea. way to re-define mancation and way to admit what you're feeling! i love ginnifer goodwin, i really do. you are classy and sassy and you should stay that way!!!!!!!

rita said...

This is exactly the right approach, the mancation, the hair in a ponytail, being yourself. Until you admit to yourself that it's just not that big a deal, you won't find what you want. Now it will just come to you all by itself and you'll have it all.

It happens. Did to me. And I was myself for once, not trying to be who I thought HE wanted me to be. I married him and we now live in paradise in the tropics.

My mancation lasted about oh, 6 weeks!

shari @ little blue deer said...

Oh, man (ha ha!). A mancation! I actually think that's the best thing one can do, the golden rule is that you always find the right person when you're not looking, so it sounds like you are on the right track! Anyway, LOVE your blog, I'm a former New Yorker myself, happy to find you, and happy to be your newest follower! XO!