Friday, May 29, 2009

Have a Van Damme Friday!

This video is a classic.
Sweet moves.
Cut muscles.
Booty shaking in way too high up 80s pants.
Enjoy... I know I did.

Remember to make it a Van Damme Friday!

* polls are still open below - be sure to complete the quiz for an uptown stamp in your passport*

Wednesday, May 27, 2009


Come one, come all. Come join me on this journey of discovery.

I always love a good quiz. Magazine quizzes, internet quizzes, Facebook quizzes, quizzes galore. I even used to look forward to tests and exams in college. Exam season... now that is my idea of a good time. But I digress.

With the help of a friend (let's call her "Liza") I made a quiz for blogging fun!
Rules: Pick the letter that matches your answer (you know, multiple choice), and feel free to expand on your choices in proper MLA essay format. jk jk you won't be graded or judged on your format. You will be judged on your answers and your wit. Be fierce.

Question 1: What is the most bestest reality tv show?
a- Real Housewives of NYC
b- Millionaire Matchmaker
c- American Idol
d- Project Runway
e- Biggest Loser
Question 2: What is your favorite group of housewives?
a- Orange County
b- NYC
c- Atlanta
d- NJ
e- Desperate
Question 3: When, in your opinion, should you have a first kiss?
a- ASAP, first date lip locking
b- 2nd date smooching
c- After 2-3 weeks, tonsil hockey is the name of the game
d- When you are official, you feel makey outey when you know you are the only one
e- At your wedding... or on the wedding night
Question 4: Who do you stalk the most on Facebook?
a- Uptown Girl, my favorite bloggity blogger
b- The EX
c- A crush. Someone who you adore but doesn't know you exist
d- Your significant other OR your BFF
e- Someone who intimidated you a lot in high school, but now he/she is so lamespice that you get high off of looking at his/her pics. What?
Question 5: How would you describe this blog?
a- Addicting
b- Witty slash hilario
c- Dull
d- Whimsical, it brightens my day
e- Boring and bleh blah bleh
Ok, thats all folks! All my genius. All my love. All Liza's smarty-pants ideas. Sharing is caring!

Oh, and before I forget... I should tell you that I am quite progressive and open-minded. That said, feel free to add 'f- other' and fill in your answer to any of the above!

Go do it to it.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Uptown Bombing

Excuse me. But someone bombed my local Starbucks yesterday early in the morning. Bombed it. Serio. That is so not cool. I may not be the biggest fan of Starbucks, but I like to go there every so often. I like my occasional decaf iced mocha. This girl does not need caffeine. Or sugar actually, but I like me some iced mocha. It is delish. A nice little treat on a hot day. And it feels healthier than ice cream, even if it isn't.
Whatevs. The point is this: this little rinky dink bombing was very rude and will not be tolerated. I admit that the regular Starbucks coffee tastes like ground up, filtered trash in a cup. But those cups have some profound sayings on the side. And, it may have taken me years, but if I can find a drink to order, I bet the bombers can too. It just takes some persistance. If people just went around bombing Starbucks everytime they weren't satisfied with their hot beverage, where would this country be? Where would we be!?

The Governor looks like he needs his latte. "Where is my damn latte???!!" I heard him say that.
A detective came to my door last night to ask if anyone heard or saw anything. We said 'no' politely, and he went on his merry way. That was the excitement of my 3 day weekend.
Or was it?
Ok ok ok so I'm holding out on you. I admit it. I hit a beautiful sale yesterday at Ann Taylor Loft. I am in love with that place. In. Love.

I bought this comfy dress. Exhibit A
And these denim shorts. Exhibit B (yes, those are my long, lean legs. thank you for noticing).

It was great to be back with my bestie Ann in her uptown loft. Reunited and it feels so good.

Friday, May 22, 2009


Back to reality.

Yes. You read right. I did not die of the swine flu after all. It was just sinusitis and now I have antibiotics. And I'm back at work using up all the tissues. Yay.

Get ready. I've watched so so much tv and done so much foggy thinking in the last 2-3 days that I have a plethora of information to share! You're welcome.

1- Most importantly, you know those high heeled sandals that you see everywhere- they look like booties but they are sandally and strappy like gladiators? They are called: CAGED sandals. I don't like the name. It scares my feet. So, I refuse to buy a pair. Also because I don't think I can walk in them.

2- I am back to thinking clearly now, and I now realize that I have made a crap ton of errors this week. Oops!

3- While just as stupid, corny, scandalous, and addictive, Old 90210 is way better than New 90210. My decision is final. [Now, my mom would ask, "it is better, but is it better for you?" She is not referring to nutrition, but to my soul. My answer to this Q is a solid I don't think so.]

4-My youngest sister turned 14 while I was sick. I missed it. I wanted to stop her from getting any older with a DeLorian and the space-time continuum. But, alas the benadryl killed that plan. There is always next year. Here is a picture of me trying to get the DeLorian started while in my benadryl induced coma.

So my friends, since I am extremely crazy behind at work I must away. Until next time. Farewell.

ps- I have been made aware that this does not qualify for that 'plethora of information'. I'll get to the rest. Don't worry your pretty little head about it.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


Ok so I realized that I made a big faux pas in the last post. It is Brenda Walsh and I called her Brenda Marshall... crazy right?? Please don't hold it against me, I'm sick. That is my excuse for everything today. I can't think clearly. Scarily it is not a made up excuse to make me look better. I really am in a fog. Did I already tell you that I can't think clearly?
My roomie is home to take care of me now! gtg ;)

sick day

Yes, yes I am home sick today. I think my head may explode. I think I have the swine flu. That's right. You heard me. This may just be my last post. If I don't die from the swine flu, the awful daytime tv shows may kill me.

Things I have learned (been subjected to) on tv today, thus far:

1- Patrick Swayze is still alive.

2-Regis Philbin sometimes takes 1/2 an Ambien to sleep. The following morning he is senile.

3-Adam Lambert wears eyeliner and nail polish and dyes his hair.

4-Barbara Walters thinks she has "more information than anybody". Yeah, she said that referring to American Idol. And I thought my 14 yr old sister was Idol's greatest fan. Nope, its Barb Walters.

5-Shawn Johnson won Dancing With The Stars because she is cute.

6-Martha Stewart loves flowers. They are charming.

7-Martha thinks that "all children" love meringues.

8-If you cannot have a good time in Chicago, you cannot have a good time.

9-Drew Carey is on The Price is Right.

10-AARP will give you a free calculator if you request info on their car insurance. You have to be at least 50.

11-Start Trek is a fully loaded epic adventure.

12-There is a woman who sleeps with cheetahs in her bed. 2 of them. They lick her face. They know how to open the door. She reads them stories.

13-Glenn Beck has no problem crying.

14-Brenda Marshall left a guy at the altar in 90210. If I could find Shannon Doherty and stand next to her at all times, people might think I'm black (or at least very tan).

15-Jennie Garth has aged really well.

16-Hilshire Farm and Marshalls/TJ Max commercials are the only ones worth watching.

Monday, May 18, 2009

shout out to Fullertown


Can someone please translate this for me? I am at a loss.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Today is Friday, it is my day

Topic 1.

I wish Youtube would let me embed this here video for you, but it is too official. Offically rockin! You will have to just clickety click click your bad self right over and watch Goldspot Friday all on your own. You're a big kid now. You can do it!

Don't worry because the video is also available in Hindi.

Topic 2. In other news... I think my office may have a ghost. A ghost that goes around locking you out while you get coffee. And your key is inside the room you are locked out of. I don't know how NOT to end sentences in prepositions. Any tips?

Back to our ghost. I hope he is a friendly ghost like Casper. Or a fierce vegetarian vampire like Edward Cullen. Yeah you're right, a vampire is probably more likely.

Topic 3. Mrs. June Cleaver is taking a blogging break and I virtually miss her. No, I do not know her in real life, but what is so wrong with internet blogger friends? Nothing. Thats what I thought. This next video is posted in June's honor.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Slumdunder Mifflinaire

O to the M to the Goodness gracious great balls of fire. Did you see The Office?

If you answered "no" to this question please follow these instructions: stop stop stop whatever it is you are doing. Ask yourself "self, what is wrong with me? when is my next psychotherapy session? how did I make it to Friday without being entirely caught up with The Office?" Next, open hulu and watch yourself some hilario inspirational motivational awesomeness with hot fudge on top. And whipped cream. And a cherry. And the exact perfect amount of laugh out loud OMG moments.

If you did not see the episode please do not read further bc this right here is what I like to call a SPOILER ALERT. I call it that and so does everyone else.

Is it just me, or does your heart go pitter patter everytime you see Holly and Michael together? Do you have this ginormous urge reach into the screen and make them kiss like they are you little ken and barbie dolls? Me either. Thats kinda weird...

Ok new topic. Rolf. Dwight K. Schrute has a bestie! Who knew? While perplexed, I'm especially happy for him.

Moving on to the ending scene you've been replaying in your head over and over again. I just want you to know that it is not official yet, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a godmother again! How touching was that closing scene? Who here would NOT want to have Jim Halpert's baby? Thats what I'm saying.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

que serra que serra

I'm here finishing work and listening to imeem... the greatest FREE invention ever. On my 80's playlist is "Lost in Emotion" by Lisa Lisa & the Cult Jam. And it brings me back. Now I'm telling my fave lil webbie site "ooooh babe, I think I love you- from head to toe".
If you listen to streaming music on the internet you MUST check out imeem. It can be confusing at first, but I will be happy to give you a tutorial so that you too can fall in love from playlist to playlist.

Does anyone understand why we connect music with past loves and positive or negative memories? I have entire genres that, although I adore them, I am forced to avoid! How rude is that? Meanwhile there are other songs that I love more than I normally would because of the warm nostalgic bliss I feel when I hear them.
What is that about? I love the song "Murder She Wrote" that was big in 8th grade... but avoid my favorite oldies for fear of the memories. But, you know what? I'm saying whatevski. Oldies, here I come. I think I should just listen to what I love and find some better memory (or Brem-ory) to associate. I will try this technique and let you know how it turns out. If it doesn't work I will blame it on Milli Vanilli. I will blame it on the rain. You know I will. Oh, thats right, you know I will.

Monday, May 11, 2009

My Greatest Frenemy

Frenemy as defined by the Urban Dictionary: A portmanteau of friend and enemy; an enemy who acts like a friend. Sometimes spelled frienemy.

I don't know the definition of portmanteau because I was born in the 20th century and not the 18th, but it seems like a good definition to me and the topic is not so vital that I want to google it. I've heard of frenemies in celebrity gossip, and experienced them in high school.

We all know of highly publicized frenemies:

Paris Hilton&Nicole Ritchie... Kathy Griffin&The Olson Twins... Oprah&Food... USA&France... Women&Stilettos... Ramona&Jill Zarin...

One very important fact you should know about my life is that, like all important people, I have a frenemy.


Mondays are my friend. I listen to out-of-this-world playlists on Monday. I like seeing my coworkers and sharing weekend stories. I get to see June Cleaver's Famous Monday Swoon -see links to blogs i heart. I bring dark chocolate to work on Monday (ok that is everyday). I can remember all my lovely weekend memories. Ok enough of this crap. the weekend is gone! over! so that brings me to my next point.

Mondays are my enemy. I wake up in a fog that feels like a coma. I have to go to work. I can't wear jeans, scrubs, or work-out pants. I have to do work. I have to focus. I have to wake up at an un-godly hour. I have to do work and I know that this will go on for 5 or 6 straight days. Again. Possibly for the rest of my life unless I win the lotto. Even Bethany works a real job like all the little ppl, so at least I'm not alone.

Honestly, I'm still in that Monday fog right now and I've been up for hours. Maybe that is why this post is so lamespice. I'm stealing the word lamespice from Lauren. Wow, stealing comes so easily on Mondays. No regrets. Ok another point for Monday is that when things go wrong (as they are bound to do on Monday) or if you have a confused coma on your face when your boss asks you a serious Q, you can just say "Oh sorry, its Monday and my brain isn't quite working. Could we go over this tomorrow? Lovely. Cheerio!".


I love to hate Monday and I hate to love it. did you get that? And I really think Monday feels the same way about me. My imeem playlist is titled "Must Love Mondays". But I'd rather listen at home. All this comparing and contrasting, seeing Monday as either/or, black and white when the other 6 days have color, it is making me hungry. Wow I need a black and white cookie. Want not need. I want a black and white cookie.
Ok so my frenemy and I get by. We haven't had any major feuds of late. I no longer dread Sundays (in preparation for Monday). But serio, how do you get thru your Monday? Do you have a mantra for me? A visual? Is June Cleaver the only person who cares about improving my relationship with Monday? Probably yes. And I am forever grateful. And swoony. And scandalized.

ps- Another frenemy: dairy. But I won't get into that on a Monday. tmi. tmi.

Friday, May 8, 2009

I think I need a vacay.

I want to take a real vacation. My coworker DG just returned from a Caribbean cruise all tan, relaxed, and swooning over a hot Serbian man she met on the ship. I'm a little jealous. I mean, here I am as white as Blair Waldorf in the winter and wishing for blue skies, white sand, and turquoise waters. I'm dreaming of just laying poolside drinking margaritas with 24 hour access to an all you can eat buffet. I want to know that the beach is just a few feet away... an ocean without trash floating by... so clear I can see my perfectly pedicured toes thru the waves.


Waking up from dream. I am at work. In NY. Bleh.

Ok but really, I want to go on a fun trip with girlfriends. Somewhere far far away. Does anyone want to come? Who has ideas for an affordable, fun, and relaxing vacation?

I looked into visiting my little bro bro sweetie Petie in India, but the flight is too mucho dinero for this chica bonita. So that is a no go. I do not have that sugar daddy or the PJ, so I can't be going so far across the planet. While we are talking ideas though... who has a PJ to help me out with this little vacay? Is that too much to ask? Really? Barak seems to use his plane for fun trippy trips at random. Maybe he will loan it to me for a week to ten days. Or Oprah. She likes gift giving. And I like gift receiving. Matchpoint. (I don't play a lot of sports, but I like to use the sports lingo however I see fit, you're welcome).

All right this fantasy has gone on long enough for this morning. It is a Friday and that is enough of a treat for this uptown girl. Also, Bandolino is having a sale- that is sort of like a holiday!

Please note: I am trying to make myself feel better about not taking a trip, but I am so open and hoping to hear ideas for places to go!

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Attn Sam Champion


We have had pouring rain everyday this week. Every. Day. Every stinking day. And hello, this is May in New York! Not Seattle. Not London. Not April. Not nice.
Stomping my foot.

Serio- nyc people. We commute to work using mass transportation! I take a bus and then walk outdoors for several blocks on the wet flooded streets. Oh also it is pretty humid so my hair looks like something out of the 80s.

Ok so let me just share this story... It was sunny out and my coworker and I decided to go to the ice cream truck a couple blocks away. Not 1 freaking minute after we left the building did it start pouring. It was raining cats and dogs and sideways. We still ran to the ice cream truck to get our ice cream fix, stood in a bank lobby to eat the ice cream, and then ran back. My pants are soaked from the knees down and my feet and shoes are, too!

Now, now. Don't cry for me Argentina. It is all ok! Wanna know why? Today I am going out for Happy Hour!! Happy Hour. That's right, it makes everything all better! I've been thinking about it all the day long. It turns my frown upside down. It makes my rainy sky blue!

Also the coworker who got soaked with me knows where there is a dryer and she dried my pants and socks for me (yes I am sitting here in someone else's extra pants that may or may not close).

Please participate in this survey:

Are you in a fight with Sam Champion/all weatherpersons? Or is it not really their fault? Where do you stand on this important issue?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

real nyc

I am just going to go ahead and assume that everyone understands what I mean when I say- Bethany rocks. [If you don't know who Bethany is, well I feel sad for you right now. But I have a post to write and you have 2 seasons of Real Housewives of NYC to watch... so lets dry our tears and get to it]

Last night was the final episode of the Real Housewives of New York City- the only version of housewives that I think is worth watching and obsessing about. Obvi. They do live in my hood even if they misrepresent said hood. Disclaimer: these women are NOT housewives in the traditional/sane/real sense. The Bravo real housewife is not your typical stay-at-home mom that is devoted to her husband and children, homemaking, and domestic stuffs. So please do not get confused. They are crazy pseudo-celebrities that have too much $$$ for their own good. That's right, most of them are self-important bi-otches. Don't misread that...I said MOST.

Now, I live in New York. And I've never heard of these ppl except on the show. Yet, they think they are God's gift to NYC. I have news for you 'housewives'- God's gift to NYC is called pizza.

Ok so now that we have all that business talk out of the way I will tell you why Bethany Frankel is the bomb (as my mom would say- she likes to use old slang words and i like to quote her. get used to it). She is the only one who is REAL. She tells it like it is, she has a sense of humor, she is a kick-arse bff, and she doesn't stab the other housewives in the back. And to top that off, Bethany ain't nobody's housewife! She is single and she went out with a hot frenchman in one of the episodes. The main reason why I heart Bethany is that she puts the other women to shame and makes their insanity and self-absorption even more obvious WHILE being a good friend. She is pictured here with her hot gay hairdresser who she wants to marry. And so do I.
Am I alone here? I know my roomies love Bethany too. So much that Lovey joined Bravo's msg board last night to comment about it! You go reality-show-msg-board-queen. You go!
For the record, I also love to hate Kelly and LuAnn. Has anyone EVER even heard of Kelly? She thinks she owns nyc- and lets be clear: I own nyc. I do.

Monday, May 4, 2009

Girl with Gumption

I have arrived. Here I am writing my very own blog. I am a blogger. Wow. Who could ask for anything more?

In this safe and uber important space I will share my thoughts, my hopes and my dreams... and I hope you will share yours too.

When travelling uptown, people often ask if they need to bring a passport. My answer is yes. Obvi. You are crossing borders and entering a world of mani/pedis, car service, and designer bags. I have a weakness for one of these luxuries and you will have to wait to find out which it is. Ok I hate keeping things from you- I love getting my nails did. So, that right there is the first dream I am sharing with you (I hope to get my nails done more often). Glad to have that off my chest.

Why am I starting a blog you ask? Thank you for asking. My fabulous sister Liza asked me to contribute on a blog she created and as it turns out, I love it. Surprisingly. It is getting a little out of control. I've had a lot more fun blogging on there than I thought I would (or probably should). But alas, as it is not my very own blog I tried to slow down and not take it over. So that brings me here, to my own little blogizzle. Who knows where, oh where it will take me! Maybe I'll dabble a little in internet writing, maybe I'll be a famous blogger, maybe I'll start to write for a magazine, maybe I'll write a book about my diva-ness, maybe I'll get a pony. Probably I'll just have a little fun on my lunchbreak being the internet exhibitionist that I am. Don't worry, I won't get too crazy- I ain't got time for all that.

Welcome to my life.