Friday, July 31, 2009


After consulting the Gentleman Formerly Known As Liza's ManFriend, I have an addendum to the last post...

The Gentleman Formerly Known As Liza's ManFriend will now be dubbed:
"Liza's Tall Glass of Mantini, Shaken, Not Stirred".

My Fave

Yes, you read my post title correctly. I will tell you one of my fave things in the world at large. Ok, actually my fave elite and uber important person (other than myself).

Everybody and their brother from another mother has been out there blogging about their favorito stuff in life. Online and offline. From fave blogs, to books, to haircare products, etc etc etc. As you may or may not have noticed, I am a copycat. If I see you do or say something that I like, I'll steal that thing or word and make it my ownspice. Lamespice? Ask Lauren.

btw, Lauren- I bought that raisin Almay mascara and I'm wearing it today for the first time. So far I'm not in love with it. But, time will tell. Maybe it'll look better with different color eyeshadow?

So, here I am telling you about my love affair with Jack Handy. He is not only the bestest comedian out there, he is also my Baby Daddy. Just a joke- calm down peeps, I don't have a Baby Daddy in real life. I picked up the random and inappropriate use of that phrase/title while in Georgia! Isn't it fetch? Blame the Peaches.

“Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.”

June Cleaver posted that quote from dear ole Jack and I stumbled across it today while stalking her and reading her old posts. While she is on her top-secret NASA mission, June refuses to post anything new for me to read... so what else am I supposed to do?? Pick a new fave blogizzle? Never!! I know you're saying to yourself "never say never", but #1 you are not my mom and you can't take that tone with me... and #2 you're tacky and I hate you. again, I'm joking with you. I don't rly hate you. And, without using google or an encyclopedia, can you tell me where the 'tacky' quote comes from? That right there is a challenge my friend who may or may not be tackier than tacky.

[aside: June, if you see someone peering in your windows while you drink your six-pack(s) tonight it is NOT, I repeat NOT me!! I was there stalking you last night as per usual, but I'm now home in NYC. It is most likely Matthew McConaughey so don't be alarmed and please blog about him soon. kthanxbye]

Where was I?? Ah yes, Jack Handy is the funniest person I know. After that I also enjoy the humor of me, myself, I, and also Liza's manfriend [who we will now call.... hrmmm.... Liza's ManFriend. That may not work tho bc when I abbreve it he becomes LMF which reminds me of MF'er, and hello ppl this blog is for kids... any suggestions? until you suggest something better that's all I've got]. Liza's ManFriend and I both quote Jack Handy quite often. It's what makes us so funny. Obvi. Hot Dang!

Reality is this. I do enjoy the quote June posted. However, it isn't rly my fave. No offense June. No offense.

My favie lil Jack quote is as follows... and I will leave you to ponder this thought...
“Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.”

If you didn't laugh then you need to re-read the quote in a monotone Jackish voice and picture a field of wildflowers in the sunset. If you still don't get it please inquire within and I will try to walk you thru the complexities of being funny.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

back to the future

Here I am. Back in business.
NYC missed me more than usual and I am not at liberty to say why. Let's just say it is because I'm amazing and leave it at that.
I have so much to tell you and so much to catch-up on now that I'm back in the home country.
I'll start by bringing you up to speed on the southern phrases...
I mentioned to Helena that I hadn't seen her in a year, although she insisted she was in NYC visiting me in May. Yeah... that was May, 2008. When she figured that out she said:
"It seems like I was just up there. It's been one hot minute."

"Uptown Girl, you are so smart. I guess time flies."

Hot is hot. Hot is the new black. I heard it used in these 5 ways: Hot mess. Hot minute. Hot stuff. Hot and humid. Hot 80s costume.
In a hot minute I'll tell you some other phrases.
Negative. Negative is a big one. Instead of answering a question using the standard "no", I heard a lot of "negative".
That is a lie. Instead of correcting a word or a phrase, or taking it back, etc, Helena would state "that is a lie". For example....
"I like having you around Uptown Girl. That is a lie. I love having you around. Even if it is for only a few days. Negative. That is a lie. You are only here for a hot minute."

Moral of the story: Helena lies a lot.
Mary, on the other hand, is as honest as white on rice. She says a lot of "I'm not gonna lie". For example:
"I'm not gonna lie, you look like a hot mess Uptown Girl." Thanks for being so forthcoming Mary. You have my trust.
Well, those are all the new phrases I can recall. Aren't they fetch? *wink* *wink* Obvi.

The main thing I need to catch-up on now that I'm homeski is... wait for it... blogging! My bloggizzle missed me and my ferociously fierce self. And I missed reading all y'all's blogs. I'm way behind in my reading. My blog reading and my Harry Potter reading. Yes, I am reading the first HP book as we speak blog. So far... eh. It's aight. It's ok. I do kinda want my own owl to deliver my mail, newspaper, and parcels. I mean, why should I not have that? I live in the land of the free and home of the privileged. I should have an owl. I would send a lot more parcels if I had an owl. Totes. But it's no Lord of the Rings... and def not as good as Twilight so far... oh Edward Cullen. Oh me, oh my.
btw- i don't know about you, but I'm so falling out of love with Robward. I mean... I need to re-read Twilight after I finish HP, and I will always be Team Edward (sorry all you Team Jacob-ites. No comparison there. I mean, does Jacob sparkle?? that's what I thought. yeah. NO). But that Robert Pattinson kid? I'm liking and swooning less and less. And less. He just doesn't embody Edward Cullen for me. Too much? Is this giving you a mini-heart attack? I apologize ahead of time to those of you who may be scandalized and offended. And I offer you this peace offering:
I believe that jewelry can heal all wounds. Who doesn't love a new pair of earrings??
As for my ideas for an alternate movie Edward...
Who likes Hayward? I think Hayden Christensen would be a good fit. He could at least audition for the role anyway.

And another Robward! Robert Buckley. I can actually picture him sparkling in the sun. And wearing those glasses so we can't see his vampire-ish eye color.

Mr. Buckley, you have my vote.

Who are you voting for? Current Robward, Hayward, or alternate Robward? I would totally go for someone completely better but had to choose guys who could pass for 17. Oh this is getting awkward. Like a turtle on its back.

So, what's everybody been up to in my absence? A lot of tears? A lot of boredom? A lot of curiosity about my va-cay-cay? That's only natural. I'm back now so rest easy you little hot mess, you.

Tell me everything. aaaannnnnndddddd GO.

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Millions of Peaches... well just one actually :)

So its Sunday night, and my favorite Uptown Girl is currently holding in her little hand... what else but a peach!! Basically, we're supposed to be at movie night next door, but we weren't digging the movie (as Uptown Girl says "It's lamespice!") so now we're blogging. Please do't get mad at us Helena. You know it was lamespice.

A little introduction. I'm pretty much loving having this fabulous chick here with us in Augusta! My name is Mary, and Uptown Girl previously referred to me as the "presh" little sister of her friend Helena. Basically she wants me to blog, so I'm humoring her and hoping she doesn't try to cut me!

Apparently there's a fantasy that is brewing which involves me moving to NYC and covering the entire apartment's rent with the pay upgrade I will receive. Unfortunately I'm thinking this is pretty unlikely, but who knows. I guess as a wise woman would say, "Time will tell..."

I digress. Time to tell about the visit.

So my sister (not Helena... the other one, Rebecca) turned 30 during our visit with Uptown Girl and her "hot self" (as she refers to herself). Rebecca decided that we needed to have a costume party to celebrate the occasion. Now, I'm going to try to be unbiased, but we were pretty glamorous!!! I mean, I don't want to brag but... well how about we just show you.

From left to right: Ethan (disco-tech king with glue on chest hair), me (Roman empress, not to be confused with a golden angel), Uptown Girl (80's rocker extraordinaire) and Rebecca (the birthday girl in gypsy attire).

Sisterly love with the Georgia Peaches :) On the far right is Helena (Uptown Girl's bestie and twin 80's rocker-- and that's a pretty hot shoulder. Swoon as needed...)

Basically we danced the night away, and some stayed up until 4 am (hint: neither of those writing this post were involved in the 4 am madness because I work a real job and was exhausted on a Friday night, and Uptown Girl was having to adjust to the GA timezone. She had jetlag for the first 2 days of the visit.)

Here's a little rundown of the other things we've done:

Belly dancing for dummies- We learned some fantastic dance moves for Friday night's party from our aerobic dance class.

Shopping at Wal-Mart- Been there two times since arrival... INAPPROPRIATE!!! But apparently we have some pretty great deals on goods in Augusta!

Shopping at Target- Only once, but again, great deals!

Shopping at Old Navy- Uptown Girl was tired of trying on clothes after the Target experience, and as hard as she tried to find her size in the favorite shoes, alas, she left empty-handed. But Helena... not so much!!!

Eating, Swimming, Eating, Swimming- if you know Uptown Girl or me or Helena and how hot it gets in the GA summer, this one should be self explanatory.

Running. Because we're amazing. Boom Boom Pow. It was hot! Literally! Mazeltov.

Making friends with the little guys- My nephews think Uptown Girl is their new best friend and affectionately refer to her as their "Aunt". She loves it!

Getting acquainted with the GA crew- Uptown Girl was stunned at first, but thankfully the group has redeemed themselves since the first frightening encounter (and not because she's super-shy. Seriously. Frightening. I mean I would have been...)

Drinking from the same keg on Friday, Saturday, and at Sunday brunch (by orders of my brother-in-law). Everybody was called on to do their part.

Sadly, our friend goes home tomorrow. But never fear, plans have been made for a follow-up visit to NYC (at least by me. Don't really know what Helena's plan is).

In closing, I've got a feeling that tonight's gunna be a good night! Peach out! Later y'all!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Georgia on My Mind

That's right bloggity bloggers I'm outey. Makey outey? Workey outey?

outey outey.

Heading to the great state of Georgia. Off to conquer the South like the Yankee I am.

Don't worry because I will try to post from Georgia. Really I'm gonna try to get my precious little Georgia Peaches (Helena and Mary) to post for me... so you can get the flava flave of those darling Southern accents and phrases. That's right, y'all.

My plan for a return post on Tuesday (yes I am planning ahead): I will collect all the little phrases, metaphors, and similes I hear while on vacay. And I will bring them back to you as a souvenir! I'm the best, I know. You don't have to thank me now. Thank me on Tuesday.

One phrase I happen to recall from *Adventures in Georgia: Trip 1-Izzle My Nizzle Lemon Drizzle* in March, 2003. Oh, those were the days... I remember them fondly.

I got off the plane, Helena picked me up at the postage-stamp-sized airport. We were both so excited and giggly. I asked her if she had to work while I was visiting, and if she could spend a lot of time with me. She replied:

"Girl, I'm gonna be stuck to you like white on rice!"

Translation: "No, I'm not working, you silly Yankee, and we'll get to spend a lot of time together... but I talk this way because I'm way cool... now let's go get some barbecue".

Ahhh... I know this is Uptown Blasphemy, but I think I was meant to be a Southerner. When I'm down yonder I even get into talking the way they talk, saying y'all, and trying to come up with weird sayings like this...

When I get off the plane tomorrow I plan on telling Helena:

"Girl, I'm so happy to be here, glad you don't hafta work this weekend cuz I'm gonna be stuck to you like gum in a little girl's curls!"

Translation: "So glad to be in Georgia with you and that you aren't working. I'm excited to spend time with you because you are the coolest. You are so so presh! And by the time Monday rolls around it'll be really rly hard to say goodbye so let's live it up! Let's party like the rockstars we are. Oh yeah, we have a costume party where we are dressing up as 80's rockstars, how should we do our hair? Do you have any banana clips?"
This is a picture of how I probably looked during *Trip 1*. Don't I look fetch?

Will you miss me while I'm away? I know you will. Don't cry little one. I will treasure you in my heart for the next 5 days until we are re-united. I will eat peaches and barbecue in your honor. I will suffer thru the massive amounts of humidity wishing you could experience it with me. I will get a tan and laugh away 10 pounds knowing that you want the best for me. I will swim my little heart out and have a handstand contest in the pool. I will win that handstand contest for you. To make you proud. I will have a grand ole time.

Until we meet again.... peace out trout.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Sam is my bestie.

You believe in the 6-degrees-of-Kevin-Bacon, right? Or at least the 6-degrees-of-separation?

Well, I know we all come to these blogs with different faiths and varying belief systems, but if we all believe in the 6-degrees then we are all really connected.

Therefore I am practically blood brothers with Sam Champion. obvi.

[aside- shout out to Laura of "Life is An Adventure--Dare It". She used the word 'obvi'. Good girl. She is the shiz-nit and always has been. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle.]

Here's the flow.... my youngest sister Bina is 14. This morning she was in nyc at Good Morning America at 5:30 (AM!!!! 5:30 in the morning!!!! wtf???) for her friend's 14th bday celebration. The girls all came into the city to go to the show and have a blast. I don't know how anything is a blast at 5:30am, but I digress.

So, Sam Champion had a whole convo on tv with Bina's friends Katherine and the bday girl Julia. He even made a rude comment about Julia's braces. He said he likes them, but still... who says that... on live tv... to a 14 year old b-day girl... who is sensitive about her braces already??!!! Rood, Sam. Rood. Even so, Sam is my bestie. BFFs.

Also, Bina stood next to her friends waving at Sam and screaming WOOOHOOOOOOOO!!! She makes me proud.

Sammy and I have only 1 or 2 degrees of separation (1 degree if Bina shouting at Sam counts, 2 degrees if it is her friends. No, either way I have 1 degree bc I practically raised those girls. All three of them. On my own. I made them what they are today.). Ok, Sam and I have 1 degree separation. Done and doner.

I also have 1 degree separation from Kevin Bacon. Short story is this: he was staring at my brother Pete at a bar one night. Pete noticed him staring, and KBacon tried to avert his eyes, but he wasn't fast enough and Petie caught him. Poor K-BLT was embarrassed... obvi.

1 degree separation from Kevin Bacon, 2 to his wife Kyra Sedgwick aka Chief Brenda Lee Johnson. I less than three Kyra. She is so awesome on The Closer. Makes me want to confess to a crime I didn't even commit... or did I??? She's that good.

Ok, so now that we're clear I want you to know something. I'm only 1 or 2 degrees away from these celebs. And from what I can tell, it makes the little people (Kevin Bacon, Kyra, and Sam) feel pretty important to be so closely related to me. How sacot is that? I mean, it's only natural (I know), but it is so humbling for me.

Monday, July 20, 2009


I did it. I went to the salon after work on Friday with my friend (and roomie) Lovey.

I told Petra, my hairdresser to the stars, to do whatever she wanted. All I knew was that I wanted my greys to go away, to a land far far away to live greyly ever after.

Petra suggested red highlights throughout my hair. I heart red hair in general. On men. On women. Ask anyone. But maybe not on me?

So I gave her the go-ahead and this is the result:

I'm not in love with it. And my greys are still naked. And more noticeable than before. What now? Don't worry because I'm going back next week to try to get them camouflaged. You know it. Also, it was so $$ that I just got the color done and skipped the haircut. Obvi.

I'm still trying to give the color time to grow on me and I'm already up to the "sort of like it" level. But, in the meantime I'm a little out of it and not feeling 100% like blogging. It is making me wonder if this is simply a brunette blog?

I know I should own it, but I'm not. Feel free to call seCURity on me. I deserve it. I'm a complicated order.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Twilight vs Harry Potter

Who knew Robert and Daniel were so snarky?!?
I'm quite bothered. Quite.

Thanks to Victoria for sharing this video! And don't forget to do your part by participating in the post from earlier today... or I will CUT you (if you don't get that reference please x-out of the blogizzle imediately... and go check out Bon Qui Qui on youtube. please do not return until you've done so or you will be forever shunned by the blog). Obvi.

your turn

Ok so yesterday I so graciously shared my upcoming agenda with you.

And now it is your turn. I want you to tell me 2 things:

1- what are you most looking forward to this weekend? a party? a trip? a movie? a beach? a couch? a date? ice cream?


2- what are you most looking forward to this year? Is it seeing pics of my new hairdo? Be honest.

Those who deign to comment will get their blog on my sidebar... or you can suggest a fun prize for me to consider. After winning a blog prize this week I'm in a generous mood.

Ready, set, go.
[if those words made you cover your eyes and start counting to ten for Hide&Seek, well you may want to consider therapy bc you are living in your childhood a little too much. yes, i am referring to a certain person who will remain nameless. you know who you are.]

Thursday, July 16, 2009

uptown girl's life plans

1- get my hair-did. Tomorrow is my appointment with the ever-famous Petra. I'm getting the new 'do done and will post pics asap to show you the fantabulous results. Get excited. Get pumped. Get ready for awesomeness.

2- celebrate my friend's life. Melissa is having a special birthday and we're celebrating on a cool pier with an outdoor bar on the upper westside tomorrow night. I'm crossing the park for her, so you know I love Melissa. And then we are celebrating in NJ on Saturday night. I'm a Jersey Girl at heart... did I ever tell you that? Please wipe the image of Real Housewives of NJ from your mind imediamente bc it is so not like that. Although, I admit that just like Caroline, I am short and I am scrappy.

3- running. I'm running another 4-mile race on Saturday morning. I generally think it is a sin to get up early on the weekend, but for some reason I keep signing myself up to race. que serra serra.

4- moving my mom. My mom and 2 youngest sibs are relocating 2 blocks away from their current diggs in NJ. Downsizing to a smaller space. This Saturday (post race) and Sunday should be a doozy. Packing, lifting, moving, unpacking. yippee!

5- going OOT. OUT OF TOWN. That spells V-A-C-A-Y!!!! 1 week from today I fly to Augusta, Georgia. To eat peaches and hang with my peeps. You know who you are... Helena & Mary. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle. They are the bomb (as my mom would say). Helena and I have been besties since the summer of 2001 when we did a volunteer summer in Harlem/SouthBronx together. We share a love of all things cherry. She is precious and her sister Mary is presh as well. And their whole family is presh. And the state of Georgia. And the whole South. I love you South!

6- there is no 6. that is the plan for my life so far.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I don't speak low-fat

So this girl walks into a bar and orders a fro-yo....

The bartender just looks at her and says "what now??"

Ok that is not a true story or a funny joke. I will tell you what really happened.

I was walking along 2nd Avenue and chit-chatting it up with my sister Liza and a friend. We will call the friend "Neighbor Girl" (she is a friend AND a neighbor in our bldg- did you figure that part out?) to protect her identity from the shame that will soon be upon "Neighbor Girl's" head.

We're walking, talking, noticing our uptown surroundings. Right. So, Neighbor Girl recently introduced me to this new and wonderfully delish ice cream eatery. The place is Last Licks on East 93rd- love the name and you simply MUST try it. As we passed by I told Liza about the yummy ice cream and how they have $2 sundaes on Sundays. [aside: I don't know of any other places where I can buy something worth buying for $2 on any day of any week ever ever ever]

So Neighbor Girl goes "and their fro-yo is really good too". I said "fro-yo? what? speak English please".

So apparently fro-yo is the abbreve for Frozen Yogurt! Did you know this?? I've never heard it before. But, I generally try to surround myself with people who share my interests. Food, Josh Duhamel, shopping, beer, etc.

I don't speak low-fat because I don't eat low fat. What is the point? Don't you just have to eat twice as much to get your needed/wanted daily value of fat? I mean not that I'm against eating extra food or anything, don't get me wrong. But, if I'm gonna eat a crap ton I want it to taste good. More than good, I want my food to taste delish. I eat some healthy foods, its not all crap. But I want my healthy foods to taste good, too.

When Neighbor Girl introduced me to this ice cream joint she ordered her famous fro-yo. But, I chose to avert my eyes. I stared at, ogled, and then ate my real ice cream. And then it was gone. You know, you can't have your ice cream and eat it too. I learned that the hard way. Anyway, I ignored the sad fact that Neighbor Girl ate low-fat fro-yo right in front of me. But, when she later had the nerve to bring it up in convo... well I was appalled.

I cry at night thinking of all the empty calories people consume when they eat low-fat. It truly saddens me to pieces. Why not eat fatty-ful delicious calories instead? I think it is a disease that will later be discovered and they will do a mini-documentary on this very topic on Good Morning America, followed by an exclusive on 20/20. They will prob want to interview me as I was the first to write about the disorder. What should I wear for my interview? I will have to ponder this.

The question remains... can I continue in my friendship with Neighbor Girl? Should I host an intervention party at my apartment where I gather a group of close friends and coworkers to convince Neighbor Girl that fro-yo is not a valid choice at an ice cream store? Probably. What does one wear to host an intervention? Something red and flashy that says "look how great I'm doing, so you should listen to me"? Or maybe something neutral that says "this is a safe place, I will not cut you"? Probably something blue, I always hear that blue is a calming color and maybe it will just lull her to sleep.

Ok, I gotta go plan a party and an outfit. Busy busy. Oh, and work. This is shaping up to be a hectic day... until next time, ciao!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Wanna-Be Swoon

June is back. Not in full Cleaver force, but she is alive and well. And that is all we can really ask for isn't it?

Well, technically I want to ask for the Monday Swoon to return to her blog.

But, alas, the swoon is still away on vacay.

June is obvi very busy with her real life and is therefore neglecting her internet virtual life. And that is understandable. Since I am feening for the Swoon tho, I will practice my understudy skills in June's absence.

My inspiration for this particular post is Amber. A new blog find. Always exciting for me to discover a new blog to add to my repertoire- this whole blogosphere is like a candy shop and I am like a kid who goes into that candy shop and eats the candy as I go. Without having to pay for it. And without gaining any weight. Yumm-i-licious.

Without further delay, may I present:

George Eads (you know, CSI guy) Hi George. What nice teeth you have. The better to... what?

Love the suit Georgie. You know how I adore suits and ties and your eyes.
You're always wishing me peace and love. Aww thanks, I peace and love you too.

Here he is acting. And looking so intense as he leans on that forensics desk. George you know you can always lean on me when you're not strong. I'll be your friend. I'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
And you look pretty strong, so I'll lean on you soon, thanks.

Georgie Porgie in all of his surfer-boy-swagger. All that comes to mind is...
What nice teeth you have.

Oh my. George said that he has to wear sunglasses when he reads my blog so his eyes don't get burned by the intense hotness. Obvi. This blog is so fiercely hot that it is almost on fire.

Happy Monday!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

things I think are lamespice.

Busy Bee Lauren did a post with the same name. twin posting. sacot.

and then she did it. she requested that her readers write their own posts about lamespiciness. as the faithful blogger that I try to be am, I came up with my uptown list of spices. I hope not to offend you but probably will.

Here we go.

1- Crackberry Blackberries

This one is twofold. Part of me hates them bc ppl are constantly using their Blackberry and ignoring the person they are with. me. And I will not be ignored. Ask anyone. This constant usage can be anything from email, looking stuff up, texting, bbm-ing, or my new fave: playing a game. That's right. It gets under my skin when I'm hanging out with someone and they appear to be busy on the berry but rly they are ignoring my company to play a game on there. That is why it is crack. It is addicting like a watered down drug (in case you are from the dark ages and hadn't figured that out yet).

SECRET: The other part of me hates the Blackberry bc I am jealous. Bc, serio?! How cool would it be to access the internet from wherever I'm at on the Upper Eastside? Or even if I ventured out of my elitest hood to explore the rest of the world- there is a GPS thingy on there. That's right. My cell phone has lamespice games and they're not worth playing. But if I had a crackberry I'd play all day long. I'd ignore everyone and everything to get that high Brick-Breaker score. It's all about pride.

2- Peeling

You know what I mean. I get a tan. I look all golden, glowy, and delicious.

But then it happens. All of a sudden I'm peeling all over like a snake molting. Like a dog shedding. Like nastiness. Itchy. And it starts on my shoulders and back, so I'm just like "ugh... this is the worst". It spreads. Watch out bc all of a sudden my chest and face are peeling off. And now I look like something out of Poltergeist... or E.T. ... and my brothers call me The Predator. Rood.

I HATE PEELING. and it hates me back.

3- Bank Holidays

You know those holidays when "everyone" else is off but you have to work? I will list a couple... Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, Good Friday, Flag Day? Hrmmm... I know there are a few anyways.

Moral of the story: if you have a vacay day, I want that vacay day too. Done.

4- Waxing

I mean, not denying that this Uptown Girl waxes as needed... but oww ouch eek oww.

5- Gladiator Sandals

Ok ok I've said my piece already. I know. But serio?? How can you wear those things on your body? I don't like them. I think they are ugly. And they confuse me. But I do love Russell Crowe in the movie version of this sandal.

I'm sure there are loads more stuffs that I loathe, that are spicier than lamespice. But, alas, today is FRIDAY.


So I am constitutionally incapable of continuing this list. Today I'm mostly full of positivity, wildflowers, butterflies, and hopes of Magic Hat. And I'd be happy to share.

good morning to me

I know it will be a good day. Why? Because I was on the bus this morning, listening to my freshly downloaded itunes. Not new, just fresh. The majority of the songs are old (70s, 80s, 90s) but new to my ipod. But, I do have a couple brandy newbies to keep it balanced.

So, I'm on the bus... riding along... singing "Hooked On A Feeling" in my head... when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

It was my personal version of Santa Claus. The Magic Hat truck! "Where ancient alchemy meets modern day science to produce the best tasting beer on the planet".

No, I did not pop out of the bus to get a drink at 8:30 am on the way to work. What do you take me for? I'm an Uptown Girl. I have standards. And a job. And a new spot to find Magic Hat on tap.
I took it as a sign that today would be a good day.
A magic day.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

the votes are in. all in.

I'm scared.

What?! You like to think I'm brave and bold and a risk-taking Queen of NYC?? Sadly, I'm not as brave as you think. I've been really proud of my prowess in the last year. Trying new things from sports like ping-pong and mattress-riding to attending parties in Brooklyn. Tasting new foods like dark chocolate chipotle hazelnuts and new beers like Shock Top (which I recommend). I even branched out from minimal blog-lurking and random commenting on my sister-in-law's blog to writing and then starting my own adorable blogizzle. My fearless adventurer mentality has served me well. I even now own and wear skinny jeans, and I went from long to short hair. I mean, obvi I've been delving into new territory. New, bold, beautiful, and exciting. Who am I?? Uptown Girl. Thank you for asking.

coming to a crashing halt. stop... stop... STOP!

The one thing that I'm deathly afraid of is hair dye. serio??? I mean I tell myself all the logical logic there is: hair is an accessory. dye will not last forever. most women dye their hair and it ain't no thang. ain't no thang but a chicken wing. I'm 28, no fear. You are only young once. Not to mention- Claire Danes. I would've died to have dyed at the age of 13, 14, or 15 yrs old. I wanted to look exactly like Claire Danes on "My So-Called Life". It was k-i-l-l-i-n-g me that my mean mom wouldn't let me dye my hair! The rule was that at 18 yrs old I could dye my hair, get a tattoo, or more piercings. But. not. until. 18. 18. 18. I thought I was so deprived.

How was Jared Leto supposed to find me and fall in love with me unless I had maroon hair?? HOW?!

By the time I turned 18 I did get a piercing in my cartilage that lasted 6 months, but no hair dye, and the tattoo? Well, you will have to guess.

So, here I am. 28 years old. Grey hairs. Annoying obnoxious rood grey hairs that just drive me insane for about 5 minutes on the daily. I want them gone but I a scaredy cat about the process!

And, I asked you to give me your opinion. You voted. The results are in. And I'm a bit paralyzed.


Calling Petra now for an appt.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

back for seconds

Yes, this is my second post of the day. thank you for noticing. I'm making up for my lack of blogging all in one day. And work isn't uber busy today. *yay*

Ok so first check a blog about a girl named buttons, one of my new finds. You will see her post about Hipster Bingo. She made it a challenge. She-CHALLENGED-me. Just like Bill Cosby as Mr. Huxtible, I cannot refuse a challonge.

Yes, I printed out a bingo board. Brought it to the Astoria Beergardens on Friday. I was there with my crew playing games, drinking Pilsner, catching up on the dirt, and of course people watching. Since I only printed 1 board we made it a team effort.
The lighting in this pic is pretty bad, but you can see me, in Astoria Queens (yes, I left the UpperEastside a lot this wknd actually, sigh), with the Hipster Bingo completed gameboard, and in the other hand is some moneys I won from Texas Hold'em.

So, now I'm challenging you. Play it and report back.

please excuse me

I have to beg forgiveness on 2 fronts.

1- For posting while suffering from my intermittent temporary insanity. You know the post I'm talking about. Not the patriotic americana post on July 4th, but the one where I was stir crazy at work and wanting to be in a music video. Oh, I should've included lyrics from Video Killed the Radio Star! Totes. K, but yeppers, that was a doozie and I hope you know that while I am legally insane on days ending in a 'y', I know that was crossing a line. Too much.

2- For not posting much goodness of late. My excuses: life, hottness, superiority, lack of creative juiciness. In that order. Ok really just the life and creatively juiceless excuses. Life gets busy sometimes outside of blogland. I try my bestest to guard against real life getting in the way of blogging, but sometimes I fail. That's right. I am human. Shocking? I know. Sometimes it shocks me, too. Don't worry bc even tho I'm human, I am still an uptown girl and therefore amazing.

What do you think? Can we get past these 2 major pitfalls? Can we re-build our virtual friendship?
Let's virtually hug it out.

To make it up to you, I found created this video of Jim Halpert for your viewing pleasure. Hope it makes your Tuesday feel like a casual Friday at Dunder Mifflin. Oh Jim. You are sacot.

Saturday, July 4, 2009


Happy 4th of July!

God bless America.
Land of the free and home of the brave.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America
and to the republic for which it stands
one nation under God
with liberty and justice for all.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

holiday. celebrate. it would be. it would be so nice.

GAME ON. I'm in a sing-song-a-licious mood today. I'm thinking in lyrics. Your mission is clear. Read the post. Identify all the song lyrics used. No google. No looking it up. No emailing me privately with your answers- click the comment button- you know who you are. This message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.

Don't worry little one, I'm just kidding- no I will not let your computer self-destruct. Don't take me so serio! You rly need a vacay...

Although I have plenty of work to do today, I have zero focus or motivation or mojo to do it.


I'm so ready for the 3-day wknd it is UN-REAL. Unreal I tell you.

I'm ready to go right now. I'm ready to go right now. Give me the greenlight. Give me just one night. I'm ready to go right now. I'm ready to go right now.

Vacay central up in here. Up in here. Up in here. Serio. Serio-city.

Come on baby, let's get away. Save our troubles for another day. [like this pile of work... rood].

It's not that I have tons o plans for the J4ly wknd or anything. But, that is the point. Relax. Don't do it, when you want to go to it.

Avoid those big extensive scheming plans. Lay low. Find some peace & quiet.

Breathe in. Breathe out. You keep me alive. You are the fire burning, deep inside of me. You are my passion for life.

Oh, sorry I got distracted and I digress. I'm so rooty-tooty-fresh-and-fruity today and I know this is the choppiest most crazedy post you've ever seen. So I will end it here and leave you with this little ole rap that I may or may not have made up for you and your bad self.

My mic is a queen so listen to me sing, he wants a number 3 with a side of onion rings. He can come out the house with no ankle bracelet on, but he got two strikes so don't get his order wrong. You know I'm looking cute and there's nothin you can say but if you get with me, we can do it your way... heyyyyyy...

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

do it up right.

As I'm sure you've noticed, there is a shocking lack of men in tuxedos in this day and age. Unless a man is getting married or attending a charity ball, he simply does not wear one. And how often does one have these opportunities? Maybe 8 times in a lifetime? This brings me to my original point. Shocking lack of tuxedos.

My favorite quote from 30 Rock is as follows... wait let me set up the scene for you...
Liz Lemon walks into Jack's office and sees him sitting there wearing a tuxedo. Yes that is the entire scene set-up.

Liz Lemon: Why are you wearing a tuxedo?
Jack: It's after six. What am I, a farmer?

That pretty much sums it up for me. In a land where the number of farmers seems to be dwindling (ok I know of zero farmers here in the big apple) the number of tuxedos should be increasing. Am I right? Or am I right? Yes. Of course I'm right. Never doubt that.

Men would have such a better rap if they wore tuxes more, or even suits. For some odd reason men just look better with a collared shirt and a jacket. It makes me take their boyish antics more seriously. It makes them look like men. Boys II Men, ABC, BBD.

Now, in an effort to show you what I mean, prove my point, and show-off my google-image-search skillz. May I present...

Hugh Darcy
Ok Hugh, so you def need a better haircut. Fo sho. But your bored brooding look is less obnoxious and more makey-outey in this tux. Hey, your tie is already off and you started unbuttoning your shirt. That transforms the look to anticipation. Transforming boyish Hugh to manly Mr. Darcy. Well done tuxedo. Well done. Get me a bonnet and call me Elizabeth Bennett.

Ryan Reynolds Well, to be honest I heart Ryan here in just about anything. But what guy carrying a water gun looks manly? Ever?? Serio. The tuxedo and the Bond, James Bond stance does it. I think I could be a Bond-girl if water guns were involved. And Ryan Reynolds in a tux. That's what I call entertainment.

[aside: look June, he still has those wrinkles embedded in his forehead. 'June' and 'Six-Pack']

Cam Gigandet
This Twilight bad boy vampire cleans up nicely. Here he is. I think he was wearing a jacket and tie. But, alas, he's been dancing with me so much that he had no choice but to take it off. He's been working up a sweat.

Cam. Don't interrupt. Please stop looking into my soul like that. I'm trying to blog here.

Ok, well have I made my point? Thank you for asking. Yes, I did.
What do you lurkers think about these men in their formal-wear?? Do you love them?