Thursday, August 27, 2009
I've never been up north to Minnesota or Wisconsin and I will report back. Oh, yeah, I'll be gone until Tuesday. If I can find a computer I will give you an update on my fab mini-work trip/vacay...
I'll miss you blogland! Will you miss me, too? How will you occupy yourself while I'm away?
TELL ME EVERYTHING.
I know we haven't socialized in quite awhile... I've been too busy to fly out to L.A. this year. And I know you do come to NYC from time to time, but it has just been that kind of a year. You know how it is. With so many benefits and charity events to attend, beauty treatments galore, donating time posing for designers as their muse, etc etc, it can be oh so difficult to find time for myself and my old friends. We'll have to catch up soon though.
I did want to write to just keep you abreast of this topic. As you know, our previous misunderstanding continues to bother me. A thorn in my side, if you will. From time to time I have been compared to you. "You look like Reese Witherspoon". "You really do resemble that actress from Legally Blonde". And on and on.
Now, obviously these misguided commoners remain unfamiliar with our circle, our crowd, our level in society. I'm sure you would agree that it is a bit declasse, bordering on crass.
It is an embarrassing mistake for both of us and I think the best remedy is for you to continue to correct such mistaken comparisons. Perhaps let the press run an article on the differences between the life of an actress versus the life of an uptown socialite? Remind these plebeians that it is you that resembles me. And not the other way around.
And please keep up with your blonde hair so as to set yourself apart as much as possible. You know how complicated things get when you go dark...
Hope to see you soon, of course. And send my regards to Jake, Ava, and Deacon.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Luckily, I do have the great ability to watch re-runs and old seasons on the world wide web and on DVD. Yay for Netflix! And, of course, I have the great honor of being able to google-image pics of my hot mess... also known as Jon Tenney... also known as Fritz Howard. Fritzie!!
Here. He. Is:
Fritz looks good in his suit. His little FBI get-up. His intense look says, "You are a difficult woman, but I have what it takes to deal with you. And I will deal with you. And in a loving way. And you won't walk all over me. No fear." On the show his look says this to Brenda, but in real life/my imagination he is saying this to me. And to you, and to every woman he melts.
Look at that face... oooh Fritzie.
Fritz has single-handedly blown my 'babs' theory to bits. Almost. The fact that he is just a character on tv and not a real man is the only thing that keeps babs intact. The only thing. And, yes, babs is going strong.
Fritzie likes my blogizzle. Who doesn't? It makes him smile. And laugh. And swoon.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
v., stank (stăngk) or stunk (stŭngk), stunk, stink·ing, stinks.
1- To emit a strong foul odor.
2- To be highly offensive or abhorrent. To be in extremely bad repute.
3- Slang. To have something to an extreme or offensive degree: a family that stinks with money; a deed that stinks of treachery.4- Slang. To be of an extremely low or bad quality: This job stinks.
To have the appearance of dishonesty or corruption: Something about his testimony stinks.
To cause to stink: garbage that stinks up the yard.
1- A strong offensive odor; a stench. See synonyms at stench.
2- Slang. A scandal or controversy: “the stink over sexual politics in the military” (David Nyhan).
make (or raise) a stink. Slang.
To make a great fuss.
[Middle English stinken, from Old English stincan, to emit a smell.]stinky stink'y adj.
Ok, so on the way to work today my nose was accosted by the odious stank of garbage. For an entire city block. I'm talking an entire east-west block very far east on the upper eastside. So, you know, it was a looooong block. A long stinky block. This is unacceptable. Would you be so kind as to contact the Mayor on my behalf?
Tell him 2 things for me:
1- hey Mike, sorry I missed dinner at the Waldorf last week, it's been a busy summer full of social engagements, you know how it is, catch you on the flipside!
2- Please correct this stinky trash smell and fill the upper eastside with pleasant scents of clean linen and gardenias. Thanks.
What definition am I using when I say that this was a stinky morning?
Monday, August 24, 2009
It saddens me to no end. No end, I tell you.
The weekend was low key and lovely. And I never made it to my tropical beachfront paradise. But, sometimes I like low key. It beats hectic and stressful every single time. But it never beats the beach. Just saying.
Sometimes I wish this was a private blog because I want to write an ounce more freely about my innermost thoughts and secrets without worrying about who will read them. Because I have oh so many to share.
I am extremely fortunate to have women in my life who are there to listen to my confused nonsensical dilemmas and offer simple sage wisdom in return. What would I do without my girlfriends?
How would I survive even one week? My girls bring me such joy and help me to stay grounded. This is true both when I'm overly worried (read: on the brink of mental breakdown) and in times when I'm overly excited (read: getting my hopes up, or putting too much stock into something). And I try to do the same for my friends. I think as women we balance each other that way.
Maybe that is why I don't write poems very often and neglect my journal. Instead I work things out by talking things thru with my
I think what this advice usually comes down to is patience. A virtue that virtually escapes me. .. What is that saying? Patience is a virtue. A virtue is a grace. And grace is a girl that slaps you in the face. Something to that effect. Yeah, so back to the point of this rambling hot mess... Usually the advice we give one another is to be patient, not to rush into or out of any situation. To weigh pros and cons. To take time. Time heals and time reveals the good the bad and the fugly. Why is it so hard to remember this one little bitty life lesson? It has been the answer to almost all questions I've had. Once I give things time or just take time to work stuff out in my head, and remember that there is no need to rush, I can take a breath, take a step back, take a walk, and relax to the max. I let the question at hand lie, unanswered, and just live a little more. Then the answer will come. And it always does. Oh, and the issues swirling about in my brain can come down a notch and I can then see them for what they are... and they are usually not as urgent and pressing as they seemed before the girltalk commenced.
Anywho. I've got 2 songs whirling around in my head. One by Regina Spektor and one by Taylor Swift. Talk about poets. Those ladies rock my world. They put my feelings into words and those words into music. Haven't I told you to check out imeem.com? Do it to it. It will make your life. But as with all good things, patience will come in handy with figuring out imeem just like with figuring out life, love, work, play, and song lyrics.
Hope your Monday is
happy great fantastic bearable! Just be patient bc the weekend is only a few long short days away...
Friday, August 21, 2009
What does your imaginary weekend have in store?
*smile bc it is FRIDAY*
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
It started with time on the beach relaxing, lying on my towel, working on my tan with a book and good company to distract me from my book ... ahh the memory of the beach is enough to get me thru any hectic frenzied hump day. My blissful beach time was followed by a family dinner on Sunday. My fam actually came to the city to eat. It was lovely and I hope we do it again real soon... ** in the city**.
Back at work on Monday I was pleasantly surprised by a welcome swoon. Oh you know what I'm talking about as I've referred to said swoon about 2 thousand times.
See? The week started off so well.
Since then I've just gotten busier and busier at work. Which is never a good thing. I mean, hello? I was born to be a lady who lunches, a lady of leisure. An Empress. Why do I have to work anyway? It doesn't seem right.
I'm in the process of renewing my nursing licence at the very last possible minute and have to attend a training program that I was unaware of. Yay, that's always fun and it always costs an arm and a leg to tell the state board "hi, I still exist and need you to send me a new piece of paper to confirm my continued existance in the same profession".
Oh, and I also lost my debit card... so feel free to pay for my dinner as per usual. I'm not accustomed to using cash monies. And I'm not adjusting well at all.
Time to go off the grid for the night. Errands to run and book club to host (even though I haven't exactly technically read all that I was supposed to read... hrmm). What are you up to?
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Maybe I need coffee. Or maybe you should suggest a topic that you want me to write about. And maybe I will write about that topic tomorrow.
So, what do you want to know?
Monday, August 17, 2009
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Well, I'm a bit under the weather again. But this time only a little bitty bit bit. I stayed home from work (*yay*) to rest up yesterday and nip this thing in the bud. I'm back to work today and I'm even feeling a little better. So don't fret.
Things I learned on tv yesterday:
1- Sam Champion must be on vacay because he had a substitute meteorologist in his place. And it wasn't his usual sub. Can you believe that?? I think it was this realization that pushed me over the edge. The edge of illness. With this realization I knew I could not function properly on the job. It weakened my already fragile state. Too much... too much.
2- Lifetime and Ion both have Reba marathons simultaneously. You can literally flip back and forth and back and forth.
3- Regis Philbin uses a CPAP machine to sleep at night. It broke.
4- The lead singer from Hootie and the Blowfish is on his own now and just came out with his first album. I forget his real name, maybe Darius Rucker? Something like that, but we will just call him Hootie. Can you guess what genre he's singing now??
[aside: Did I ever tell you that I'm a winner? That's right. I win big. About 4 years ago I won free tickets to a small semi-private Hootie&theBlowfish concert. Booyah. Booyah ka sha. And I've won other cool stuff too. Liza may be able to comment with a story or 2... hehehe]
5- Chase Crawford (of Gossip Girl... if you didn't know this, well, shame on you. And yes I think he looks a bit feminine.) used to be a valet. You know, the guy who parks your benz at fancy upscale restaurants. Well, he admits to stealing gum from important people. And he once parked Jessica Simpson's car.
6- The girl who plays Dexter's girlfriend in season 1 (i've only seen season 1 of the show, so I have no idea if she continues on) had a main role in an episode of Law & Order. I know you're thinking, "that is not news. doesn't everyone do a stint on L&O?" Anyway, don't jump to conclusions bc that is not the point here. The point is this: I think she's a rly good acctess and she was completely different in this role. So there.
7- Stacey and Clinton of 'What Not to Wear' have a lot of rules about fashion... they talk a lot about the importance of fit, structure, letting the clothes enhance your shape, etc. I think ppl should just let Liza dress them. She is my personal stylist and she doesn't have so many rules. With Liza it is more like "yes, wear that, you look hot" or "no, change outfits, you could look hotter". And I appreciate that approach.
8- Healthy Choice meals are looking more appetizing. Now if only they had more calories...
9- I want everything sold on QVC. And on infommercials. Everything.
10- The Closer is one of the bestest shows on television. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but there are only 2 episodes left this season. Thank you sooo much.
That sums it up. 10 amazing facts learned from tv. What have you learned lately?
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Hello my public. Uptown Fandom at large please hear this:
(*uptown disclaimer at bottom of post*)
I am not posting a swoon today.
No hot steamy pic to drool over. Nope. Not happening.
So (Lovey & June) if that is the only reason we are friends... well I just don't know what to tell you. Maybe I should start by listing better reasons for you to read my blogizzle in addition to my wanna-be-swoons:
-I have interesting insights into pretentious new york city living.
-I condescend to associate with you online.
-I am amazing.
-You can live vicariously thru my high-class world of taxis and mani-pedis and
-I come up with new Uptownese Urban Slang that you should be studying daily.
-I think I'm hilarious and you should think so, too.
-I practice the fine art of being a virtual snob and debutante.
-I am fetch. Everything about me is fetch and fabulous.
-You know you love me.
-I will one day be Empress and rule the world. You may be in running to be one of my Ladies in Waiting if you play your cards right.
I will gently suggest that you soak up all of my insightful posts and be grateful they exist.
And if you need a swoon real real bad... well, June? Are you going to post one for us sometime in the near future? Because everyone should know that I only post wanna-be-swoons. What do I mean by wanna-be?? Thank you for asking. My little swoony swoons are little bits of drivel that I post from time to time to help fill the void until June 'The Swoon' Cleaver is back in business. Her swoons are on a different level. If you don't believe me you should just click her link on my sidebar. Obvi. But you should know that June, too is deeper than her swoon-abilities. She has a lot to teach us all about this great big world, about being a mom, and about the effects of beer.
Ok Lovey & June, be my guest and post your own swoonable pics. Because I can only spend so much time searching for said pics while
drooling at work. I will prob post them tomorrow... time will tell.
I hope that you will come back to my blog for me and my hottness rather than for the hotties I post. They are just a bonus. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle. And please, don't make me cut you.
*DISCLAIMER: Have you heard of pms? Pre-, Post-, or Participating- Madness Syndrome. Right, well I may or may not be operating on an influx of hormones given to me by this Madness. Go ahead and guess. Make my day.*
Monday, August 10, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
And this is why....
Swimming in pools
Swimming in the ocean
Walking on the beach
Sand in my toes
Lunch in the park
Evenings on park benches
Reading on my rooftop sundeck
Dining al fresco
Shorts, tanks, sundresses
Am I forgetting anything??
As much as I love all the summer activities and possibilities, I have sadly not been taking advantage of this summer. Partly due to Sam Champion sending so much rain in my direction. Rood.
Sitting waiting wishing.
If I make it to the beach I will be sure to let you know. Fill you in. Give you the low down. But not 'til
Monday the day I dread you know when.
Do you have any hot plans? Enjoy your wknd and pls do something fun in the sun. And then tell me all about it. Obvi.
The song is in my head and on my mind once again today. Maybe bc today is Friday. Maybe bc it is beautiful. Maybe bc I sing it out to the office thruout the day every Friday. Maybe I put too much sugar in my coffee. Or maybe, just maybe it has a profound message and poignant lyrics that I ponder from time to time. You be the judge.
[aside: Do you recognize this nerdy teacher? If you answered 'no' to that question please go watch the video linked in the very first line. Now. I think the nerdy teacher needs to listen to the lyrics and go put on some make-up, pull her hair down, and wear a flirty outfit. Bc she really is a very pretty girl behind that turtle-neck and those glasses. Ok I like the glasses, just not with her hair up and the turtle-neck. Is there such a thing as over-modesty? Anyone?]
Enjoy your FRIDAY, and check back later bc I have ever so many posting ideas this morning. Gotta get some work done at present... but I will return to you my bosom blogger friends. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
But, first let's go thru the little checklist of Uptown Boy Requirements and see if Patrick meets our blogging needs, shall we??
Piercing eyes? check.
Full head of hair? check.
Wide endearing smile? check.
Looks good in scrubs? check.
Nice teeth? check.
Adores me? check check.
Shirtless photo available on Google Images? check.
Ok, well technically McDreamy meets all the requirements for becoming an Uptown Boy. However, maybe you should be the judge bc when I glance at those blue eyes I lose my train of thought.
McPreppy here looks like boy next door trying to pull off a Rob Pattinson bouffant in his blue button-down stripey shirt. Oh, you didn't notice any of that did you? You were staring at his eyes? You got lost at sea? That's what I thought.
Yikes stripes fruit striped gum. McDreamy is McViolated. He said he'll show the arms but no more. Patrick is such a brooder sometimes.
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
But, alas, I cannot. I'm quite upset right now because my amazing plan is foiled. The internet can be soooo lamespice.
Anyway, this post is to tell you that it is ok if you feel bad for me. In fact, feel free to comfort me in my disappointment. And, as always, the best way to encourage me is to send me gifts. I am a size zero or 2 at most American stores, and if you feel so inclined as to make me something on your sewing machine, my dimensions are 36-24-36.
I'm starting to feel better already. Blogging is so cathartic sometimes, don't you think?
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Lovey is quite upset that I teased her the way I did yesterday. She wanted to see a picture of a man, not a pizza. Some ppl are picky like that...
Lovey commented on the pizza-swoon-post and gave a little list of her
In an attempt to keep my day job, I can only search for pics of these men 1-at-a-time. Otherwise it is way too distracting and time consuming. And my coworkers complain when I'm drooling too much at my desk. I'm sure you can imagine what I'm talking about. Lamespice.
Starting at the top of Lovey's list is Benjamin Bratt. While I'm not personally his biggest fan, I do see the appeal. The back story is this. He used to be with Julia Roberts. He broke up with Julia to pursue me. I didn't like him like that. The chemistry wasn't there. I mean, he's a sweetie and he bought me lots of flowers and dinners. But I'm just not that into him. I tried to let him down easy by giving him a copy of the book "He's Just Not That Into You", but he didn't get the hint and stepped up his game. Next, I bought him Seasons 1-6 of "The Wonder Years" so he'd understand what I meant when I said "Sorry Benny, I don't like you like you". Anyways, as you can imagine, this has all been very hard on little BennyBoy. He has since moved on, but not 100%, obvi, he still sends flowers from time to time.
Here he is with my man Eduardo Verastagui. Not the best shot of either one, I admit. But hello, anybody that is friends with EVerastagui is a friend of mine.
Monday, August 3, 2009
I've been trying to come up with a swoonworthy gentleman to post. I thought about posting another shot of Josh Duhamel (my baby daddy)(jk jk) or Ryan Reynolds. I also considered choosing from my long list of celebrities who stalk me and socialite gentlemen callers. But, again, we've seen their faces on these swoons time and time again. You know who you are [Sam Champion].
Without further ado.... may I present... for the first time on The Uptown Girl Blogizzle.....