Friday, November 27, 2009

I have arrived

I made it to the other side of the world safe & sound.

So far I've survived:
  • A bus ride to JFK surrounded by drunk kids guys from West Point who were loud, obnoxious, and peeing in a can that eventually spilled.
  • 2 very long flights with several screaming babies and food that was interesting (to put it nicely).
  • My first night sleeping in India with a mosquito in my bed.
  • A cold shower.
  • My first meal in India that was supposedly bland and yet my mouth was on fire. A low flame, but still fire.
So far I've loved:
  • Watching 3 movies on the plane that I've been wanting to see. Julie and Julia (LOVE), My Sister's Keeper (I cried like a baby amongst crying babies on the plane), and Time Traveller's Wife (eh, it passed the time).
  • Getting to see where my brother lives and meet his ex-pat friends.
  • Being able to write this post while everyone else is working. Yay!

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Tryptophan-Free Thanksgiving

I prepared a Thanksgiving treat for all of you turkey, tofurkey, and turducken eaters. Be grateful for those crazy relatives, friends, and guests. And most of all, be grateful that I figured out how to post ahead of time. As you know, by the time you are reading this, I'll be en route to India.

Here is a little tryptophan-free taste of my Thanksgiving.

Airplane food + snacks I packed. Because, hey, I need to be fed often.

Flying around the world.
Thanking God for His Creation. And for every inch of leg room.

This is just to give you an idea of the probable reception upon my arrival.
"Uptown Girl Goes to India" is a huge event you know. I'm kind of a big deal.

Visiting Indians for Thanksgiving. How PC is that?

Happy Thanksgiving from my cozy little economy seat. As I look down on the world today I'll say a prayer of thanksgiving for all my blogging buddies. That means you.


Uptown Girl

Sunday, November 22, 2009

update and farewell

I leave for India on Wednesday. I'll be en route for 18 hours not including my short layover in Brussels. That's in Belgium for those of you who don't know.

I've been stressing freaking out overthinking preparing for the trip for what seems like ages. Pouring out my blood, sweat, and tears. Or not. I've emailed my brother (who I'll be visiting in India) about 3,658 times to ask random questions, and I've called his girlfriend (who has made the trip twice) almost daily. And now I feel ready. Mostly.

I've been told to bring linen pants and t-shirts to wear. Linen pants. Where do you find linen pants in November in NY? On the internet. QVC. They arrived in time but unfortunately they don't really fit me. They're way big and unflattering. But they're all I've got and they'll work with my oh so fashion forward t-shirts.

Even with the incredible fashion faux pas that I'll be rocking in India, I will find a way to look and be fabulous. Obvi. I'm an Uptown Girl and I'll own those larger than life linen pants that add 10 lbs to my frame. I'll be thinking in kilograms anyhow, so with all that metric conversion math I'll probably be too confused to worry about ruining my once in a lifetime photos.

Since I know how much you miss me when I'm gone, here is a little something for you to remember me by (while I'm far far away on the other side of the world for about ten days) while you celebrate the most important holiday of the year. Black Friday.

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Uptown Girl here.

Uptown Girl here.
Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
I know you've been lost without me. It's only natural.

So, you want to know what I've been up to these postless weeks? You want to know where I've been?


That's right, it spells stranded. My major daily internet addiction resources have been significantly depleted. Obvi, I'm no longer using the world wide web to blog and read blogs and comment on blogs and email and gchat while I work. You'd be amazed at how many work related tasks I've accomplished. And in record breaking time. Quite thrilling and depressing at the same time. Also, I don't own a computer (read: my laptop died tragically in February and I can't quite move on. Mourning period and all).

Anywho. You've missed me and that is the reason that I'm holed up in my room late at night secretly borrowing my roomie's epically slower than an upside down turtle in a race against time sorry excuse for a laptop (sorry Lovey, but you know I blog the truth, like Lightman would if he started a blog in his fictitious existence). And I'm extremely grateful to be using said laptop to clear my head slash post this post.

Where was I? Right. You've missed me, and you're dying to know what I've been up to. A crap ton... I'll make a list.

Uptown Girl Happenings During Excruciating Internet Absence

  1. Travelled via bus to and from Virginia to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and the 3 cutest children that exist (since I am now grown).
  2. While sitting with my niece (still in VA), she told me "Aunt Uptown Girl, you have beautiful eyebrows". Obvi. What a smart and observant child.
  3. Attended a Chili Cook-off (in VA) among countless married couples and their myriad of children (most of the kids were in the basement with the babysitters, where I prob belonged). Yummy chili, interesting insights into the world of family life. When we piled into the minivan at the end of the night I thought it was at least 10pm. It was 7:29. And my niece said "can we go to the party now? that wasn't a party."
  4. Started feeling like my head might explode on the bus ride back to NY. It did not explode. It did however brew a home-concoction I like to call sinusitis. As this is still lingering I finally started antibiotics today.
  5. I've tried to rest as much as possible. I've watched way too much tv, fallen further in love with the DVR, and discovered a Peruvian cold remedy that knocks me out for hours on end.
  6. skipping some steps due to passing my bedtime.
  7. Celebrated Lovey's bday. Multiple times. Cake, beer, fairy wings, beer, cake, ice cream, love. I love birthdays. I love Lovey. Tons O' celebratory goodness. Partied like the rockstars we are. Ain't no thang.
  8. Haven't run in 2 weeks. 2. weeks. Part bc I was travelling. Then part sinusitis/head-cold/sore throat stuff. And part laziness. Yes, I've let myself go. Did you read the part about the beer, cake, and ice cream?
  9. At least I have beautiful eyebrows.
  10. Getting ready for India. I leave next Wednesday. Can you believe it? Visa- check. Some of my travel meds- check. Knowing what I will pack- ? eeeeeek no no no.
  11. Work happy (3) hour party with dancing and unprofessional behavior. But not from me.
  12. You should also know that I had a great hair day today.
  13. MISSING BLOGGING. I've realized how much I rely on blogging to get out my thoughts and feelings and ideas. And how much you need me. I'm so sorry for your loss in these last days and weeks. I will do my best to beg, borrow, and steal (prob steal) my way onto computers to post for you. Because that's the kind of Uptown Girl I am.
{threading. one day I'll share my secret with my nieces. and if you know this pretty girl from google images, please share with her the secret called "eye makeup remover". kthanxbye.}

I hope this post addressed your concerns and satisfied your curiosity for now. And remember, curiosity killed the cat.

Uptown Girl

Thursday, November 12, 2009

ta ta for now

Oh Blogland. Woe is me. I have had some major technological access difficulties over the past week. Consider me in hiding. Alas, it is unlikely that I will be able to post until the weekend (*hoping*).

In the meantime, I have given over the keys to the blog-kingdom. The spare set. To Lovey. It is her birthday, so really, there is no better gift.

{Lovey sparkles}

My beautiful So-You-Think-You-Can-Dance-loving Uptown Girl bestie may or may not choose to utilize her newfound power. We will have to wait and see. Time will tell. Will we be so lucky?

Friday, November 6, 2009

Minced? Yep.

I'm sure you've seen a zillion and a half annoying obnoxious commercials. I know I have. But with the invention of DVR I can just skip right past them. Fast forward the horror. Or at the very least I can press the mute button. Because, hello... I'm an Uptown Girl. I don't do commercials if it is at all possible to avoid them. It is beneath me and everything I stand for.

But, sadly, even Uptown Girls have to watch a commercial now and then. In a scenario such as this:

I am getting ready for work in the morning and doing my hair or make-up (I guess that answers your lingering question- its Maybelline) and Good Morning America is on in the background. And the commercials start, and I can either stop what I'm doing to change the channel, or let them play on. It is quite the conundrum. This is one of the many occasions when I tell myself how helpful it would be to have a servant. I inevitably listen (from the bathroom where I am using the straightener) to multiple ads about medications for depression, urinary incontinence, or asthma medications I should talk to my doctor about. I can scarily repeat some of the lines word for word.

One commercial that I have seen one too many times is this vile ad for fishsticks...

It makes me mad every.single.time.
Serio?! How this helps sell Mrs. Paul's fishsticks is beyond me. If I were a fishstick kind of girl (which I'm not) I'd boycott the product. And if I were that mom I'd probably go out there and buy some more minced fishsticks to serve that ungrateful brat at every meal. Its a good thing that child is just acting because otherwise I'd predict a future of drama queendom and bi-otch central. What 4 year old even knows the word minced? I'm not sure I have a clear understanding of the definition of minced and I'm an adult. Sort of.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

overheard in the upper eastside

Overheard in the Upper Eastside...

I was on my way to work this morning, on the M15 Bus. The usual crowd was commuting. Mostly working men and women, some random folks that can't possibly have a job but like to ride the bus at rush hour anyway, and a handful of parents with pre-schoolers. This story is about one such parent and one such pre-schooler.

I first noticed this mid-thirties bald dad standing in the aisle with his silver coffee-to-go mug, his briefcase, and his little daughter (also standing). A cute guy nearby stood up to offer the duo his seat. What a gentleman, right? I was then distracted by my need to stare at this chivalrous man in aviators for a minute.

When I turned back and caught sight of the dad and daughter combo once more, he had plopped her into the seat and remained standing (on a crowded bus, parents either sit with the child on their lap or stand). He then leaned over the little girl and offered her the silver coffee thermos, saying:

"Would you like a sip of Pellegrino, darling?"

I do not kid. No joke. This man carries Pellegrino in a thermos. On the bus. And his tiny tot knows and drinks Pellegrino as well. Sparkling water is a must you know.

The best part of this is that I know and love a certain Upper Eastsider who will remain nameless drinks tons and tons of Pellegrino. And this person would never transfer the bubbly water into a thermos. Nor share it with a child who can't possibly appreciate the beverage. It is an acquired and sophisticated taste you know.

If you don't know about Pellegrino, just ask any toddler on the Upper Eastside.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009


[Thanks to Ann for this pic. It is right up my alley.]

I was recently introduced to the film Moulin Rouge
(although I had seen random scenes and learned the music by heart years ago).
I am now addicted to singing, humming, and listening to the music.
As I daydream about you know who.
Oh, you don't know who??
It is none other than my beloved Scot, Ewan.

Those eyes, that voice, that accent...

Watch Ewan pronounce McGregor at the 45 second mark of this interview.

Even his name becomes uber dreamy. Swooncity. Droolable.

Have a tissue on hand.

For Ewan McGregor,

I would happily become a courtesan dying of tuberculosis...

who wouldn't??

Monday, November 2, 2009

My final "costume"

I went as a Shadow.
Dressed all in black. Black eye makeup. Black(gray?) lips.
It was a revival of my costume from 8th grade. Obvi.
At the age of 13, I went as a shadow and my brother was "The Crow". I was a little more creative the first time: actual black lipstick and black spray for my hair. In reality my Crow-bro and I had the same exact costume. He didn't even carry a crow. Lamespice. Oh middle school Halloween costumes... slash revivals of the same bad costumes... sigh.
Ok to my brother's 6th grade costume defense, the real "Crow" looked just as silly.

Method actors are quite possibly stalking this UG... because I'm fabulous

Those Gossip Girls are following me around. Is it my magnetic personality? Is it my smile? My charm? My sophisticated wardrobe?

I saw the actor who plays Rufus Humphrey out at a bar on Saturday night. And this morning I saw his faux-wife, the actress who plays Lily Bass. We passed each other on my walk to work. I must say that both actors look much younger and better in reality.

Because these television actors are on a show about Upper Eastside snobbery and condescension, one can only assume that the actors of Gossip Girl are performing research. Finding a true Uptown Girl (moi) and then stalking her to understand who she is, what she does on the daily, whether she'll notice you. While I am (of course) flattered, I must implore the cast to leave me alone as I attempt to live my life, free from celebrity stalkers.
In related news, last night Liza, Lovey, and I were discussing celebrity sightings. Liza has (allegedly) seen roughly 30 celebs. However, I generally don't notice celebs unless Liza points them out to me. Yeah. True story. I must be honing my skills though, because over the last few months I have noticed multiple B-actors all on my own. Guess I've either become more observant or the celebrities are truly stalking me. I'd like to think it is the former, but the latter is more probable.
Remind me to tell you the story of the most famous celebrity-crack-attack sighting I've ever had (with Liza because, as I said, she notices all the good ones).