Look Out Ladies

There's nothing like the Onion News to kick off this lovely Friday. And by lovely I mean there is a full-blown monsoon outside. Sam Champion, please remedy this and show us some sunshine this weekend.

Obama Releases 500,000 Men From U.S. Strategic Bachelor Reserve

I think I speak for all the singles ladies (move over Beyonce) when I say that this report is a dream come true. Who knew Obama was so thoughtful!?

ghost-town

Oops.

Work has been busy and consuming this week. And so has my social calendar.

Please forgive me for my unscheduled absence in the world wide web. I think of you often and have a couple posts rolling around in my head. But no time to write them!

I'm heading out to see an outdoor screening of Ghostbusters tonight. I'm sure this excursion will add itself to my list of ideas to post about. I hope it proves to be as amazing and life-like as it was in my childhood. Bill Murray was cute then, right? I don't recall.

I should end this by saying "I ain't afraid of no ghost". But that would be a lie. I'm afraid of ghosts and serial killers. And Monday mornings. And Brooklyn.

Here I come weekend!

Because it's Friday

Because it's Friday, I can't remember if i have any workplace grievances this week. All I know is that I'm utterly confused about the whole McCrystal debacle.

I mean.... everytime I watch or read news this week, I learn something new or contradictory to the last time I tuned in.

What boggles my mind is #1- the game of Boggle, and #2- that in this day and age, someone would be so dumb as to somehow dis their boss publicly. Don't you know that you don't do that on Facebook, loudspeaker, or magazine article?

[Aside: please don't be offended Blogland. By "you" here, I don't actually mean you. I mean Generals. I think I can safely assume that Generals in general don't read my blog as I never refer to war, weapons, or ammunition. Sometimes hot men in uniform, but even that is rare. Note to self....]

If you don't have something nice to say, come sit next to me.

In writing, workplace slander should only occur on an anonymous blog. Not even in email. Now, if you ask me if I've ever complained about my boss in writing, well, I'd have to plead the Fifth... but I do know it's a bad idea. Obvi. Plus, my boss isn't the President of the U S of A. Or even the boss of the company. Don't tell him I said that though.

You're welcome for all this etiquette advice.

Always remember, in the words of a very wise woman with a scarily auto-tuned voice:

Money can't buy you class. Elegance is learned, my friends.

In the words of one of the greatest bands of all time...

Hold on for one more day.

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[warning: if you have to work this weekend,

please consult your doctor before reading this post]

..

We

have

made

it

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FRIDAY!!!

One more day til freedom & relaxation station. To be honest, I have a lot on my plate this wknd: a lot of fun.
Saturday I'm going running and I'm gonna volunteer for the coolest organization. It's only my second time lending a hand for this group, so I want to make sure I have staying power before I tell you all about what I'm up to, brag about how giving and wonderful I am, and make you jealous. It's very thoughtful of me while cryptic and exciting at the same time, right? I know.

Anywho, back to my freedom plan. Saturday night I have two - count them 2 - bday parties to attend. It can be a little awkward for someone like me to attend a party for which I am not the guest of honor. I try to look at it like this: at least I can celebrate someone else's aging process rather than my own. I'll drink to that.

Then on Sunday, I'll go to church and then on a food tour of NYC. What better way to celebrate the Lord's Day than via my taste buds? My friend and I still need to map out our route to fatty heaven, but let's just say that I'm dreaming in butter and chocolate. [aside: chocolate can help prevent strokes ... I read that in Redbook so it has to be true.]

In closing, I'd like to quote another great song that was most likely referring to Friday...

Friday, you make me feel like a natural woman.

Casual Friday

Do you get to do casual Fridays? We wear business casual in my office. Get this- I'm not even allowed to wear scrubs. And I have a ton of 'em collecting dust in my apartment. No joke. To be fair, the dress code is pretty fair and lenient. I can't wear jeans, but I get away with wearing very very casual pants (jeans in disguise actually) and even sneakers whenever I so choose.

That said... last year when I asked if we could have Casual Friday and wear jeans, my boss said, "sure, of course you can wear jeans on Friday. And you can even leave early, too. Go home and start searching I-need-a-job-dot-com".
He would say that to me. A lot. This boss began to expect what he considered to be outlandish requests to fly out of my Uptown Girl mouth. And I began to expect bossman to refer me to search the internet for job opportunities.
Oh the memories. I now have a different boss who might not humor my frequent humorous requests. Alas, I will have to settle for causal Fridays instead and cause a little raucous here in the office. It is way too quiet today and we need a little action... even if it lands my coworkers and me on I-need-a-job-dot-com. nbd. Any office prank ideas you'd like to share? Please do bc I need some ammunition.

yum

Today I am consuming a delectable mixture of:

M&Ms and Snyder's pretzels

for a late breakfast.

[I'm a pretzel snob]And I'm leaving the office in about 30 minutes

for my half day.
Happy Friday to me!

wknd ready

It is 3:53pm and I am counting the minutes. The seconds really. Well, no counting, but I'm weekend ready.

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Here's the dealio: tonite I go out with a bunch of friends. This means that today there is a multitude of texting and gchatting going down. Yes, we're going to a couple of bars and I picked the first one... bc it has skeeball and a photobooth. How romantical.

Manana my little bro is acting in a play in NJ. So the long haul to NJ out starts in the wee hours. Around 11am. Ouch, just the thought of that is hurting my mind. Little bro happens to be a superb actor and I'm sure will steal the show, so at least that will make up for the early morning train ride. The day will not be complete without some extra NJ family time, a bagel, and several cups of coffee. You know how I do.
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And on Sunday? Well, thank you for asking. Sunday I relax to the max. Run, throw a little church in there for good measure, and then.... brunch maybe? ice skating? jewelry shopping? tv watching? museum going? couch potatoing? cooking? baking? brunch? The options are endless. Anything can happen.


Oh I almost forgot to tell you... also my roomie is dyeing my hair again tonight so prepare for the dark and mysterious Uptown Girl to resurface. It faded really nicely, but those gray mother f-ers are everywhere. I say that in the nicest possible way. Really. I just want them gone. Dead. And the dye is the best way I know. Goodbye ugly tormenting gray hairs! Sayonara suckers!
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Excuse me, I was getting a little carried away there. That's what happens when I feel passionate about a topic. Ahem. Where was I?

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Oh yes, I'm so so so so so so ready for the weekend. And now that I have my own laptop I can even check the blogs when I'm not at work (yet, I still get so much inspiration to post while working. or at midnight. either/or.). I'm a pretty big deal.
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Happy Friday Blogizzle! What are you up to this fair weekend? What are your plans, your hopes, your dreams...?

A Boot-y Update

I tried on boots this week at my shoe store of choice in any given situation: Bandolino. And the experience confirmed my suspicion. I need to stick to that mid-calf height. Beautiful Bandolino had a pair of boots that I just loved but they happened to hit just below the knee (not mid-calf). I tried them on (because I'm oh so open-minded). And something just wasn't right. I ran through the list of problems and it came down to this: the height of the boots was super duper un-flattering. They made me look fat.

In case you think that sounds ridiculous, you are wrong and I will explain my rationale... basically the point where the boots hit shortens the look of my legs. My legs end up looking very very short and the eye is drawn up to my hips and middle section. Which is a bit curvy to put it nicely. I'd hate to offend my curvy midsection as it seems to have a vendetta against me to begin with.

So, my hunt for the perfect ideal fall boot continues. I took Anna's advice and purchased some Target boots online today. I decided that for $34.97, and considering the decent boot-user reviews, it couldn't hurt to make the plunge and get a pair of cognac mid-calf boots that are cheap and not real leather and actually biodegradable. I feel my carbon footprint disintegrating as I type this. At the very least I will get to try them on and either return them or freecycle them. Or if they fit well, I will have a pair of boots to hold me over until I buy some nicer ones that can withstand NYC weather (cold November rain).

On a side note, how sad is it that I have to shop Target online because there are no stores in Manhattan? I just shed a tear on behalf of New Yorkers everywhere. We are a Targetless island. But, alas, it is the weekend so I'll have to save the complaining for its rightful time and place: my Monday morning commute.

*tgif*

I may or may not have been waiting impatiently all week to be able to post this pic for your Friday viewing pleasure. And I will post more in a bit. Later gator.

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ps- weigh in on beards via my little rolly polly poll over there on your right. no, your other right.

we remember

O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain;

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed His grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood,

From sea to shining sea.

O beautiful for pilgrim feet

Whose stern, impassioned stress

A thoroughfare for freedom beat

Across the wilderness!

America! America!

God mend thine every flaw,

Confirm thy soul in self control,

Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved

In liberating strife,

Who more than self their country loved,

And mercy more than life!

America! America!

May God thy gold refine,

Till all success be nobleness,

And every gain divine.

O beautiful for patriot dream

That sees beyond the years

Thine alabaster cities gleam,

Undimmed by human tears!

America! America!

God mend thine every flaw,

Confirm thy soul in self control,

Thy liberty in law.

imagine

This is my fantasy weekend plan... to sit in this chair on a tropical island with this view + a good book + a pool boy + it would be a cabana not this actual chair + unlimited food and beverages. Oh and minus every care in the world. And maybe you can join me. Who's in?




What does your imaginary weekend have in store?


*smile bc it is FRIDAY*

Reasons why i <3 the summer...

Summertime is my fave season.
And this is why....

Swimming in pools
Swimming in the ocean
Walking on the beach
Sand in my toes
Lunch in the park
Evenings on park benches
Leisurely walks
Reading on my rooftop sundeck
Dining al fresco
Beer gardens
Shorts, tanks, sundresses
Sunglasses
Sandals
Peep-toe wedges
Pedicures

Am I forgetting anything??

As much as I love all the summer activities and possibilities, I have sadly not been taking advantage of this summer. Partly due to Sam Champion sending so much rain in my direction. Rood.

So, now it is already August and I'm feening for some beach and/or pool days. Longing for sand in my toes. Here's hoping that I get a beach day this wknd. Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying. Planning and dreaming.



Sitting waiting wishing.

If I make it to the beach I will be sure to let you know. Fill you in. Give you the low down. But not 'til Monday the day I dread you know when.

Do you have any hot plans? Enjoy your wknd and pls do something fun in the sun. And then tell me all about it. Obvi.

truly madly deeply

Remember that precious day when I sweetly suggested that you checkout Goldspot's kick arse song, "Friday"??

The song is in my head and on my mind once again today. Maybe bc today is Friday. Maybe bc it is beautiful. Maybe bc I sing it out to the office thruout the day every Friday. Maybe I put too much sugar in my coffee. Or maybe, just maybe it has a profound message and poignant lyrics that I ponder from time to time. You be the judge.

Today is friday, it is my day to live a simple life

Put on my make-up, dress up in color

Maybe you might see me down here

Could you come along, bring me in

Would you come along, bring me in

Bring me in

I took mercy on you and only posted the one verse that is speaking to me today... rather than the whole song. And now the time has come for me to translate these lyrics into a language I understand. Uptownese.

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Translation:

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Today is friday, it is my day to relax and mentally prepare for the weekend. Don't stress, take a breath.

Put on my make-up, hair looks fab, dress up in black bc it is so simple and chic. And classic.

You might see me uptown. Looking amazing.

Could you come uptown and take me to dinner at a posh restaurant?

Would you come along and bring me for a ride in your limo? Or PJ?

Bring me a gift.

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Thoughts? Words of praise? That's what you thought the lyrics meant, too? Right!? I'm not surprised bc generally I feel like you totally "get" me.

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I did preface this whole post with the fact that the Goldspot lyrics are profound. They just speak to me so clearly. And deeply. Truly, madly, deeply.

[aside: Do you recognize this nerdy teacher? If you answered 'no' to that question please go watch the video linked in the very first line. Now. I think the nerdy teacher needs to listen to the lyrics and go put on some make-up, pull her hair down, and wear a flirty outfit. Bc she really is a very pretty girl behind that turtle-neck and those glasses. Ok I like the glasses, just not with her hair up and the turtle-neck. Is there such a thing as over-modesty? Anyone?]

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Enjoy your FRIDAY, and check back later bc I have ever so many posting ideas this morning. Gotta get some work done at present... but I will return to you my bosom blogger friends. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle.

My Fave

Yes, you read my post title correctly. I will tell you one of my fave things in the world at large. Ok, actually my fave elite and uber important person (other than myself).

Everybody and their brother from another mother has been out there blogging about their favorito stuff in life. Online and offline. From fave blogs, to books, to haircare products, etc etc etc. As you may or may not have noticed, I am a copycat. If I see you do or say something that I like, I'll steal that thing or word and make it my ownspice. Lamespice? Ask Lauren.

btw, Lauren- I bought that raisin Almay mascara and I'm wearing it today for the first time. So far I'm not in love with it. But, time will tell. Maybe it'll look better with different color eyeshadow?

So, here I am telling you about my love affair with Jack Handy. He is not only the bestest comedian out there, he is also my Baby Daddy. Just a joke- calm down peeps, I don't have a Baby Daddy in real life. I picked up the random and inappropriate use of that phrase/title while in Georgia! Isn't it fetch? Blame the Peaches.

“Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.”

June Cleaver posted that quote from dear ole Jack and I stumbled across it today while stalking her and reading her old posts. While she is on her top-secret NASA mission, June refuses to post anything new for me to read... so what else am I supposed to do?? Pick a new fave blogizzle? Never!! I know you're saying to yourself "never say never", but #1 you are not my mom and you can't take that tone with me... and #2 you're tacky and I hate you. again, I'm joking with you. I don't rly hate you. And, without using google or an encyclopedia, can you tell me where the 'tacky' quote comes from? That right there is a challenge my friend who may or may not be tackier than tacky.

[aside: June, if you see someone peering in your windows while you drink your six-pack(s) tonight it is NOT, I repeat NOT me!! I was there stalking you last night as per usual, but I'm now home in NYC. It is most likely Matthew McConaughey so don't be alarmed and please blog about him soon. kthanxbye]

Where was I?? Ah yes, Jack Handy is the funniest person I know. After that I also enjoy the humor of me, myself, I, and also Liza's manfriend [who we will now call.... hrmmm.... Liza's ManFriend. That may not work tho bc when I abbreve it he becomes LMF which reminds me of MF'er, and hello ppl this blog is for kids... any suggestions? until you suggest something better that's all I've got]. Liza's ManFriend and I both quote Jack Handy quite often. It's what makes us so funny. Obvi. Hot Dang!

Reality is this. I do enjoy the quote June posted. However, it isn't rly my fave. No offense June. No offense.

My favie lil Jack quote is as follows... and I will leave you to ponder this thought...
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“Probably the saddest thing you'll ever see is a mosquito sucking on a mummy. Forget it, little friend.”

If you didn't laugh then you need to re-read the quote in a monotone Jackish voice and picture a field of wildflowers in the sunset. If you still don't get it please inquire within and I will try to walk you thru the complexities of being funny.

your turn

Ok so yesterday I so graciously shared my upcoming agenda with you.

And now it is your turn. I want you to tell me 2 things:

1- what are you most looking forward to this weekend? a party? a trip? a movie? a beach? a couch? a date? ice cream?

and

2- what are you most looking forward to this year? Is it seeing pics of my new hairdo? Be honest.


Those who deign to comment will get their blog on my sidebar... or you can suggest a fun prize for me to consider. After winning a blog prize this week I'm in a generous mood.


Ready, set, go.
[if those words made you cover your eyes and start counting to ten for Hide&Seek, well you may want to consider therapy bc you are living in your childhood a little too much. yes, i am referring to a certain person who will remain nameless. you know who you are.]

things I think are lamespice.

Busy Bee Lauren did a post with the same name. twin posting. sacot.

and then she did it. she requested that her readers write their own posts about lamespiciness. as the faithful blogger that I try to be am, I came up with my uptown list of spices. I hope not to offend you but probably will.

Here we go.


1- Crackberry Blackberries

This one is twofold. Part of me hates them bc ppl are constantly using their Blackberry and ignoring the person they are with. me. And I will not be ignored. Ask anyone. This constant usage can be anything from email, looking stuff up, texting, bbm-ing, or my new fave: playing a game. That's right. It gets under my skin when I'm hanging out with someone and they appear to be busy on the berry but rly they are ignoring my company to play a game on there. That is why it is crack. It is addicting like a watered down drug (in case you are from the dark ages and hadn't figured that out yet).

SECRET: The other part of me hates the Blackberry bc I am jealous. Bc, serio?! How cool would it be to access the internet from wherever I'm at on the Upper Eastside? Or even if I ventured out of my elitest hood to explore the rest of the world- there is a GPS thingy on there. That's right. My cell phone has lamespice games and they're not worth playing. But if I had a crackberry I'd play all day long. I'd ignore everyone and everything to get that high Brick-Breaker score. It's all about pride.
next


2- Peeling

You know what I mean. I get a tan. I look all golden, glowy, and delicious.

But then it happens. All of a sudden I'm peeling all over like a snake molting. Like a dog shedding. Like nastiness. Itchy. And it starts on my shoulders and back, so I'm just like "ugh... this is the worst". It spreads. Watch out bc all of a sudden my chest and face are peeling off. And now I look like something out of Poltergeist... or E.T. ... and my brothers call me The Predator. Rood.

I HATE PEELING. and it hates me back.



3- Bank Holidays

You know those holidays when "everyone" else is off but you have to work? I will list a couple... Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, Good Friday, Flag Day? Hrmmm... I know there are a few anyways.

Moral of the story: if you have a vacay day, I want that vacay day too. Done.



4- Waxing

I mean, not denying that this Uptown Girl waxes as needed... but oww ouch eek oww.



5- Gladiator Sandals

Ok ok I've said my piece already. I know. But serio?? How can you wear those things on your body? I don't like them. I think they are ugly. And they confuse me. But I do love Russell Crowe in the movie version of this sandal.

I'm sure there are loads more stuffs that I loathe, that are spicier than lamespice. But, alas, today is FRIDAY.

F-R-I-D-A-Y.

So I am constitutionally incapable of continuing this list. Today I'm mostly full of positivity, wildflowers, butterflies, and hopes of Magic Hat. And I'd be happy to share.

Have a Van Damme Friday!

This video is a classic.
Sweet moves.
Dancing.
Action.
Adventure.
Cut muscles.
Booty shaking in way too high up 80s pants.
Enjoy... I know I did.

Remember to make it a Van Damme Friday!

* polls are still open below - be sure to complete the quiz for an uptown stamp in your passport*

Today is Friday, it is my day

Topic 1.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_hfh2k8p6o

I wish Youtube would let me embed this here video for you, but it is too official. Offically rockin! You will have to just clickety click click your bad self right over and watch Goldspot Friday all on your own. You're a big kid now. You can do it!

Don't worry because the video is also available in Hindi.

Topic 2. In other news... I think my office may have a ghost. A ghost that goes around locking you out while you get coffee. And your key is inside the room you are locked out of. I don't know how NOT to end sentences in prepositions. Any tips?

Back to our ghost. I hope he is a friendly ghost like Casper. Or a fierce vegetarian vampire like Edward Cullen. Yeah you're right, a vampire is probably more likely.

Topic 3. Mrs. June Cleaver is taking a blogging break and I virtually miss her. No, I do not know her in real life, but what is so wrong with internet blogger friends? Nothing. Thats what I thought. This next video is posted in June's honor.