Uptown Girl here.

Uptown Girl here.
Your one and only source into the scandalous lives of Manhattan's elite.
I know you've been lost without me. It's only natural.

So, you want to know what I've been up to these postless weeks? You want to know where I've been?

S-T-R-A-N-D-E-D

That's right, it spells stranded. My major daily internet addiction resources have been significantly depleted. Obvi, I'm no longer using the world wide web to blog and read blogs and comment on blogs and email and gchat while I work. You'd be amazed at how many work related tasks I've accomplished. And in record breaking time. Quite thrilling and depressing at the same time. Also, I don't own a computer (read: my laptop died tragically in February and I can't quite move on. Mourning period and all).

Anywho. You've missed me and that is the reason that I'm holed up in my room late at night secretly borrowing my roomie's epically slower than an upside down turtle in a race against time sorry excuse for a laptop (sorry Lovey, but you know I blog the truth, like Lightman would if he started a blog in his fictitious existence). And I'm extremely grateful to be using said laptop to clear my head slash post this post.

Where was I? Right. You've missed me, and you're dying to know what I've been up to. A crap ton... I'll make a list.

Uptown Girl Happenings During Excruciating Internet Absence

1. Travelled via bus to and from Virginia to visit my brother, sister-in-law, and the 3 cutest children that exist (since I am now grown).
2. While sitting with my niece (still in VA), she told me "Aunt Uptown Girl, you have beautiful eyebrows". Obvi. What a smart and observant child.
   
3. Attended a Chili Cook-off (in VA) among countless married couples and their myriad of children (most of the kids were in the basement with the babysitters, where I prob belonged). Yummy chili, interesting insights into the world of family life. When we piled into the minivan at the end of the night I thought it was at least 10pm. It was 7:29. And my niece said "can we go to the party now? that wasn't a party."
   
4. Started feeling like my head might explode on the bus ride back to NY. It did not explode. It did however brew a home-concoction I like to call sinusitis. As this is still lingering I finally started antibiotics today.
5. I've tried to rest as much as possible. I've watched way too much tv, fallen further in love with the DVR, and discovered a Peruvian cold remedy that knocks me out for hours on end.
6. skipping some steps due to passing my bedtime.
7. Celebrated Lovey's bday. Multiple times. Cake, beer, fairy wings, beer, cake, ice cream, love. I love birthdays. I love Lovey. Tons O' celebratory goodness. Partied like the rockstars we are. Ain't no thang.
8. Haven't run in 2 weeks. 2. weeks. Part bc I was travelling. Then part sinusitis/head-cold/sore throat stuff. And part laziness. Yes, I've let myself go. Did you read the part about the beer, cake, and ice cream?
9. At least I have beautiful eyebrows.
10. Getting ready for India. I leave next Wednesday. Can you believe it? Visa- check. Some of my travel meds- check. Knowing what I will pack- ? eeeeeek no no no.
11. Work happy (3) hour party with dancing and unprofessional behavior. But not from me.
    
12. You should also know that I had a great hair day today.
13. MISSING BLOGGING. I've realized how much I rely on blogging to get out my thoughts and feelings and ideas. And how much you need me. I'm so sorry for your loss in these last days and weeks. I will do my best to beg, borrow, and steal (prob steal) my way onto computers to post for you. Because that's the kind of Uptown Girl I am.

{threading. one day I'll share my secret with my nieces. and if you know this pretty girl from google images, please share with her the secret called "eye makeup remover". kthanxbye.}

I hope this post addressed your concerns and satisfied your curiosity for now. And remember, curiosity killed the cat.

xoxo,
Uptown Girl

Swoonless Tuesday

Hello my public. Uptown Fandom at large please hear this:
(*uptown disclaimer at bottom of post*)

I am not posting a swoon today.

No hot steamy pic to drool over. Nope. Not happening.

So (Lovey & June) if that is the only reason we are friends... well I just don't know what to tell you. Maybe I should start by listing better reasons for you to read my blogizzle in addition to my wanna-be-swoons:


-I have interesting insights into pretentious new york city living.

-I condescend to associate with you online.

-I am amazing.

-You can live vicariously thru my high-class world of taxis and mani-pedis and beer champagne.

-I come up with new Uptownese Urban Slang that you should be studying daily.

-I think I'm hilarious and you should think so, too.

-I practice the fine art of being a virtual snob and debutante.

-I am fetch. Everything about me is fetch and fabulous.

-You know you love me.

-I will one day be Empress and rule the world. You may be in running to be one of my Ladies in Waiting if you play your cards right.


I will gently suggest that you soak up all of my insightful posts and be grateful they exist.

And if you need a swoon real real bad... well, June? Are you going to post one for us sometime in the near future? Because everyone should know that I only post wanna-be-swoons. What do I mean by wanna-be?? Thank you for asking. My little swoony swoons are little bits of drivel that I post from time to time to help fill the void until June 'The Swoon' Cleaver is back in business. Her swoons are on a different level. If you don't believe me you should just click her link on my sidebar. Obvi. But you should know that June, too is deeper than her swoon-abilities. She has a lot to teach us all about this great big world, about being a mom, and about the effects of beer.

Ok Lovey & June, be my guest and post your own swoonable pics. Because I can only spend so much time searching for said pics while drooling at work. I will prob post them tomorrow... time will tell.
I hope that you will come back to my blog for me and my hottness rather than for the hotties I post. They are just a bonus. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle. And please, don't make me cut you.

*DISCLAIMER: Have you heard of pms? Pre-, Post-, or Participating- Madness Syndrome. Right, well I may or may not be operating on an influx of hormones given to me by this Madness. Go ahead and guess. Make my day.*

Millions of Peaches... well just one actually :)

So its Sunday night, and my favorite Uptown Girl is currently holding in her little hand... what else but a peach!! Basically, we're supposed to be at movie night next door, but we weren't digging the movie (as Uptown Girl says "It's lamespice!") so now we're blogging. Please do't get mad at us Helena. You know it was lamespice.

A little introduction. I'm pretty much loving having this fabulous chick here with us in Augusta! My name is Mary, and Uptown Girl previously referred to me as the "presh" little sister of her friend Helena. Basically she wants me to blog, so I'm humoring her and hoping she doesn't try to cut me!

Apparently there's a fantasy that is brewing which involves me moving to NYC and covering the entire apartment's rent with the pay upgrade I will receive. Unfortunately I'm thinking this is pretty unlikely, but who knows. I guess as a wise woman would say, "Time will tell..."

I digress. Time to tell about the visit.

So my sister (not Helena... the other one, Rebecca) turned 30 during our visit with Uptown Girl and her "hot self" (as she refers to herself). Rebecca decided that we needed to have a costume party to celebrate the occasion. Now, I'm going to try to be unbiased, but we were pretty glamorous!!! I mean, I don't want to brag but... well how about we just show you.

From left to right: Ethan (disco-tech king with glue on chest hair), me (Roman empress, not to be confused with a golden angel), Uptown Girl (80's rocker extraordinaire) and Rebecca (the birthday girl in gypsy attire).

Sisterly love with the Georgia Peaches :) On the far right is Helena (Uptown Girl's bestie and twin 80's rocker-- and that's a pretty hot shoulder. Swoon as needed...)

Basically we danced the night away, and some stayed up until 4 am (hint: neither of those writing this post were involved in the 4 am madness because I work a real job and was exhausted on a Friday night, and Uptown Girl was having to adjust to the GA timezone. She had jetlag for the first 2 days of the visit.)

Here's a little rundown of the other things we've done:

Belly dancing for dummies- We learned some fantastic dance moves for Friday night's party from our aerobic dance class.

Shopping at Wal-Mart- Been there two times since arrival... INAPPROPRIATE!!! But apparently we have some pretty great deals on goods in Augusta!

Shopping at Target- Only once, but again, great deals!

Shopping at Old Navy- Uptown Girl was tired of trying on clothes after the Target experience, and as hard as she tried to find her size in the favorite shoes, alas, she left empty-handed. But Helena... not so much!!!

Eating, Swimming, Eating, Swimming- if you know Uptown Girl or me or Helena and how hot it gets in the GA summer, this one should be self explanatory.

Running. Because we're amazing. Boom Boom Pow. It was hot! Literally! Mazeltov.

Making friends with the little guys- My nephews think Uptown Girl is their new best friend and affectionately refer to her as their "Aunt". She loves it!

Getting acquainted with the GA crew- Uptown Girl was stunned at first, but thankfully the group has redeemed themselves since the first frightening encounter (and not because she's super-shy. Seriously. Frightening. I mean I would have been...)

Drinking from the same keg on Friday, Saturday, and at Sunday brunch (by orders of my brother-in-law). Everybody was called on to do their part.

Sadly, our friend goes home tomorrow. But never fear, plans have been made for a follow-up visit to NYC (at least by me. Don't really know what Helena's plan is).

In closing, I've got a feeling that tonight's gunna be a good night! Peach out! Later y'all!

good morning to me

I know it will be a good day. Why? Because I was on the bus this morning, listening to my freshly downloaded itunes. Not new, just fresh. The majority of the songs are old (70s, 80s, 90s) but new to my ipod. But, I do have a couple brandy newbies to keep it balanced.

So, I'm on the bus... riding along... singing "Hooked On A Feeling" in my head... when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer. With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

It was my personal version of Santa Claus. The Magic Hat truck! "Where ancient alchemy meets modern day science to produce the best tasting beer on the planet".

No, I did not pop out of the bus to get a drink at 8:30 am on the way to work. What do you take me for? I'm an Uptown Girl. I have standards. And a job. And a new spot to find Magic Hat on tap.

I took it as a sign that today would be a good day.

A magic day.

the votes are in. all in.

I'm scared.


What?! You like to think I'm brave and bold and a risk-taking Queen of NYC?? Sadly, I'm not as brave as you think. I've been really proud of my prowess in the last year. Trying new things from sports like ping-pong and mattress-riding to attending parties in Brooklyn. Tasting new foods like dark chocolate chipotle hazelnuts and new beers like Shock Top (which I recommend). I even branched out from minimal blog-lurking and random commenting on my sister-in-law's blog to writing and then starting my own adorable blogizzle. My fearless adventurer mentality has served me well. I even now own and wear skinny jeans, and I went from long to short hair. I mean, obvi I've been delving into new territory. New, bold, beautiful, and exciting. Who am I?? Uptown Girl. Thank you for asking.


coming to a crashing halt. stop... stop... STOP!


The one thing that I'm deathly afraid of is hair dye. serio??? I mean I tell myself all the logical logic there is: hair is an accessory. dye will not last forever. most women dye their hair and it ain't no thang. ain't no thang but a chicken wing. I'm 28, no fear. You are only young once. Not to mention- Claire Danes. I would've died to have dyed at the age of 13, 14, or 15 yrs old. I wanted to look exactly like Claire Danes on "My So-Called Life". It was k-i-l-l-i-n-g me that my mean mom wouldn't let me dye my hair! The rule was that at 18 yrs old I could dye my hair, get a tattoo, or more piercings. But. not. until. 18. 18. 18. I thought I was so deprived.



How was Jared Leto supposed to find me and fall in love with me unless I had maroon hair?? HOW?!




By the time I turned 18 I did get a piercing in my cartilage that lasted 6 months, but no hair dye, and the tattoo? Well, you will have to guess.



So, here I am. 28 years old. Grey hairs. Annoying obnoxious rood grey hairs that just drive me insane for about 5 minutes on the daily. I want them gone but I a scaredy cat about the process!


And, I asked you to give me your opinion. You voted. The results are in. And I'm a bit paralyzed.


But
I
will
persevere
in
my
mission
.



Calling Petra now for an appt.

back for seconds

Yes, this is my second post of the day. thank you for noticing. I'm making up for my lack of blogging all in one day. And work isn't uber busy today. *yay*

Ok so first check a blog about a girl named buttons, one of my new finds. You will see her post about Hipster Bingo. She made it a challenge. She-CHALLENGED-me. Just like Bill Cosby as Mr. Huxtible, I cannot refuse a challonge.

Yes, I printed out a bingo board. Brought it to the Astoria Beergardens on Friday. I was there with my crew playing games, drinking Pilsner, catching up on the dirt, and of course people watching. Since I only printed 1 board we made it a team effort.

The lighting in this pic is pretty bad, but you can see me, in Astoria Queens (yes, I left the UpperEastside a lot this wknd actually, sigh), with the Hipster Bingo completed gameboard, and in the other hand is some moneys I won from Texas Hold'em.

So, now I'm challenging you. Play it and report back.

rain rain go away... come again never.

Oh Sam, I am soooooo sick of this cold, rainy, frizzy month of June. Where oh where is my summer weather? Isn't global warming supposed to take care of this for me? Why have I been spraying all that aerosol hairspray if not to make nyc like a tropical island?

Would someone please get Al Gore on the line for me? He has some explaining to do. Both about this inconvenient weather and about the beard I saw him sporting. Has he shaved it yet? Need to know. I can't decide whether I like it or not. I feel mostly 'or not' about it. Tell me your deep thoughts on this one.

Get the image of Al out of your head. Shake it out. Sorry about that. So sorry. Uncalled for. I know.

You know what a day like today is good for....... use your imagination. Now, get your mind out of the gutter and I will tell you what I am referring to. [yes all you grammar-nazis, i know i end lots o' sentences with props. me like it that way.]

Anticipating this crappy-arse weather, Uptown Biotch and I coordinated a work Happy Hour tonight. We planned it a few weeks ago. How smart was that?

I mean, on a dreary icky day, what else do you want to do after work? Options: have a nap or have a beer.

We chose beer. Wisely. Psychically. Obvi.

We also chose to have our beer for free. That's right. Aww to the yeah. Our beer is being sponsored (officially or unofficially I don't know/care) by one of our pharmaceutical reps. We got a group of our residents to come drink for free with us. I know what you are thinking- it is true genius. Thank you for noticing. I completely agree. Completely.

Now this last pic is for June. Both the month and the long-lost-bestest-blogger. [don't get so offended all you other bloggers. you know it is true. her blog is better than yours. go take some notes.]