sick day

Yes, yes I am home sick today. I think my head may explode. I think I have the swine flu. That's right. You heard me. This may just be my last post. If I don't die from the swine flu, the awful daytime tv shows may kill me.

Things I have learned (been subjected to) on tv today, thus far:

1- Patrick Swayze is still alive.

2-Regis Philbin sometimes takes 1/2 an Ambien to sleep. The following morning he is senile.

3-Adam Lambert wears eyeliner and nail polish and dyes his hair.

4-Barbara Walters thinks she has "more information than anybody". Yeah, she said that referring to American Idol. And I thought my 14 yr old sister was Idol's greatest fan. Nope, its Barb Walters.

5-Shawn Johnson won Dancing With The Stars because she is cute.

6-Martha Stewart loves flowers. They are charming.

7-Martha thinks that "all children" love meringues.

8-If you cannot have a good time in Chicago, you cannot have a good time.

9-Drew Carey is on The Price is Right.

10-AARP will give you a free calculator if you request info on their car insurance. You have to be at least 50.

11-Start Trek is a fully loaded epic adventure.

12-There is a woman who sleeps with cheetahs in her bed. 2 of them. They lick her face. They know how to open the door. She reads them stories.

13-Glenn Beck has no problem crying.

14-Brenda Marshall left a guy at the altar in 90210. If I could find Shannon Doherty and stand next to her at all times, people might think I'm black (or at least very tan).

15-Jennie Garth has aged really well.

16-Hilshire Farm and Marshalls/TJ Max commercials are the only ones worth watching.