Friday, August 6, 2010

Last night a DJ saved my life

You know how I love me some sweet tunes? Who doesn't. Come on. I've posted in the past about how a certain song can bring me back to a feeling, a moment, a bremory, and an era.

Life changes so much and yet things stay so much the same. I'm in a new genre today. Spanish Rock. Mainly: Mana and Juanes. My coworker is ready to kill me for playing it non-stop. But, that's nothing new. Wink to the wink wink.

In this place in my life, the genre is new bc I never hear it anymore, but really it played a large role in my relationship with my Latin eX-husband. I've been thinking about and talking about said eX so much lately that it is making me wonder. Why?

As Lovey (my bestie who happens to be a therapist to the stars) never fails to remind me, it is a good thing to feel my feelings and think about whatever is surfacing rather than distract myself and stuff my feelings. As is my inclination. I find that she is right about most things and this is no exception. Therefore, I'm rocking out in Spanish today in hopes that I can get these memories to the surface and that they will then dissipate.
These days my feelings about my eX are way chilled out compared to how intense they used to be. I no longer feel homicidal and maniacal, and I can see my part in the mess formerly known as us.

And my Catholic annulment came thru. 100 percenta!

I'm happy in my life and relieved to have that chapter closed. Officially closed. I love my roomies and living situation and I continue to be relieved not to live with the eX - but after a lot of time and distance.... I ever so humbly confess that I wouldn't want to live with myself in that relationship either. We were a toxic combo and my worstest possible qualities were on fire. Not a pretty place for an Uptown Girl to be.

That said, I'm listening to Bendita Tu Luz and offering a prayer for the eX. That he may come to a place of peace and joy, self-awareness, and love.

My prayers for him used to be quite different. So, in light of that, I also have a prayer of thanksgiving for my own growth and insight into the past (and for the annulment!). I know it will help me with my present and my future.

12 comments:

Laura said...

Very glad for you that that chapter can be offically closed now. Glad you have found some peace!

However, Robby is still too young for you. Although he does sometimes ask for you when we look at the pics from the trip--but he asks for Anna C. more! ha ha!

DeNae said...

I had no idea. It sounds like you're getting to a better place. That's great; letting go and moving on is tough.

Margaret (Peggy or Peg too) said...

Excellant!
I don't even know you and I'm so proud of you!

Do you realize that there are people double your age who never understand what you have just learned and said here? That is sad.

So happy to see you moving forward and seeing that every thing no matter how damn shitty has some lesson to be learned from it if we pay attention.

I have a friend who doesn't get that and keeps repeating the same thing over and over again. From the sidelines it's painful and frustrating to witness.

Now go kick some ass out there.

city john delatorre said...

Wow that was such a great post uptown girl. I think it's so cool that u have gotten to that place where u actually say good prayers for the ex. From someone who has experienced a divorce, once I got to that same place I was happy not to feel all those un-nice and toxic feelings I had and was able to see what my part in that mess was and own it. So way to own it u.g. Also I am a huge fan of Mana. I have all of their songs both live and recorded on my iPhone and is what I'm playing on the guitar lately. They r in my opinion the best Spanish rock band..ever!

katy said...

Woo Hoooo! Way to go, UG.

As a mutual priest-friend says: "If you're not ON the way, you're IN the way."

You are definitely "on the way!"

Colleen said...

I heard the annullment process is crazy personal, so I bet you're glad to be done with that whole thing as well.

At least next time, you will go in with your eyes wide open. What hasn't killed you has definitely made you stronger, right? Congrats!

Amanda said...

This is great. You know, it's always great to know that a relationship just wouldn't have worked out because your personalities or whatever clashed. I mourned over my ex for a LONG time before I realized that he was right -- we had NOTHING in common. It would have been a disaster.

M-Cat said...

You know that you've reached a milestone when you no longer wish a person harm. Bodily or otherwise.

Good on ya UG

Anna Liesemeyer said...

Maria, WOW what a post!
1) I am checking out that music now. Sounds right up my alley.
2) you are a super diva for your perspective on your past relationship. That is nothing short of grace and acceptance. I am in awe of you.
3) 100% annulled means BIG things on the horizon for you! Cheers to that!!

<3

Uptown Girl said...

Thanks everybody! Such a supportive & kind blogland we have :)
I promise I'll get more posting in this week... wait for it...

JMay said...

Maria!

This post made me smile, talk about a girl who is OWNING IT.

When you can pray for an EX who did you wrong, I'd say that shows so much character & growth. Sounds like you are in a good place & I must say I say your recent pics on fb and you are looking FABULOUS :-)

Looking forward to seeing you in NYC soon!

xoxo

Elaine said...

This was the inspiration I needed today. Love ya M, let's celebrate soon. Xxx~Elaine