Friday, October 9, 2009

late effects of television on the female brain

Don't worry, I watched the Office last night. The simple yet beautiful moments between Jim and Pam really touched me. Deep down. And Jim's little monologue at the end was enough to make me cry like a baby. And I liked it.

There is just something about a love that is true, that is pure, that is unfailing, and that is fake. It gets me every time. Is it totally unrealistic to expect real unscripted men to behave like Jim? Probably. Well, not probably, more like definitely.

I've discussed with my girlfriends (on multiple multiple occasions) the idea that Rosie O'Donnell brought to our attention in Sleepless in Seattle...

The scene: 2 women are sitting around either watching or discussing a movie. An Affair to Remember. Classic romance. Love it. Anyways I will let Annie and Becky do the talking.

Annie (Meg Ryan): "Now that was when people KNEW how to be in love. They knew it! Time, distance... nothing could separate them because they knew. It was right. It was real. It was..."

Becky (Rosie O): "A movie! That's your problem! You don't want to be in love. You want to be in love in a movie." [emphasis added for your benefit]

Now, to add a little sugar and spice to this post, I will send you over to read this brief classic post at OWN IT from 2008 where we discussed the difference between settling and being realistic about men. Little known fact... they are human. Did you know that?

I know you've seen me refer to babs in prior posts. Boys are bad and stupid. And this is a shocking concept to some (I can only assume these shocked souls are idealists with perfect lives). However, I think the idea of babs is actually quite forgiving to men, and not a man-bashing club. Ok, sometimes it is, but I just can't help myself when I get new raw material. Can you?

The theory played out should look something like this: if you assume that men will at some point do something bad, stupid, idiotic, wrong, mess up, etc then when the man in your life makes a mistake, which is inevitable, you can avoid feeling like men "always disappoint". Again- men and dads in movies are so unbelievable and perfect, and if they aren't perfect at the beginning of a show or movie, they are by the end. Am I right or am I right? Yes, I am. The men on the silver screen give us precisely what we need and want, and the men in real life can never measure up. It is unfair to both sexes.

What is fair then?? Thank you for asking. I'd say it is fair to assume that the men in our off-screen lives will be imperfect. We don't expect idealistic picture perfect friendships with our girlfriends, flawless and ever blissful relationships with our family, do we? So instead of waiting for the dude to fail and then responding with "aha! I knew he was an arse!" it can look more like "ahh yes, you're an arse, but that's life".

[Obvi I'm talking about failing in small everyday human ways, not the big stuff because that is a different level in the system. Don't get crazy.]

Do you agree with me? Yay or nay? Have you found a way to balance these oh so important everyday issues? Are you of the opinion that we women are the ones who tend to create the problems? Do tell.

This post is one long tangent that just kept developing itself as I wrote (and props to Liza for allowing me to plagiarize her whenever I want to). But what I really wanted to tell you is this: I have a hot date tonight. yep.


Amber W. said...

I think we like to hope that there's potential for a 'perfect man,' and that maybe by men watching those kinds of guys in movies, they'll learn a few things (if that even makes any sense at all). :-)

Alice said...

Perfect is boring. Just sayin'. :D Would Jim and Pam have been so fun to watch if it all was "perfection" from the jump? Probably not.

I know that 12 years later My Rock is doing things he never would have when we first started dating and vice versa. I don't mind his "little mess ups" along the way (like when he said "oh your at the store? can you grab flowers for yourself"..haha seriously) because then when he gets it right it makes it that much more meaningful. :D Does that make any sense? When he get's it right on his own I know he's really trying.

I do think as women we tend to create the problem...we forget that Edward, for a hot example, is a character that was made a WOMAN! of course he got it right and said all the right things...a WOMAN was feeding him his lines! :)

Anna Liesemeyer said...

Maria excellent points. You know why Jim and Pam are so great onscreen? cuz apparently they date in real life?!! wow. so that makes more sense and gives me the hope that there is real chemistry on screen for them:) yes we women are sucker for idealized love.

Uptown Girl said...

Amber, Alice, and Anna- your names all start with an A. Don't know why I noticed that...
anyways yeah it really does take some effort to separate the idealized version of what love looks like from what real love can look like isn't it?? I can't help but want a man like Edward Cullen. ok he's a vampire. whatevs.

rita said...

How about one who LOOKS like Robward? I could go for that. I don't care for the cold, hard feel of a vampire. But maybe I'd change my mind. I could handle (ha!) it for a while.

Urban Mom said...

I know I'm supposed to be leaving some sort of deep, well-thought out and mature response here.


does that Superman pic look, erm, Photoshopped at all to you? I mean, Superman is looking a little, how shall I put this..., "three-dimensional."

Just sayin.

And just to say that I put in the effort, my own story:
When Urban Dad was Urban Boyfriend, he was not perfect. Far from it. I was, of course, an adorable ray of sunshine at all times. But we grew up and grew together. And perfect would have been boring then, but now, perfect is not boring. Perfect is perfect. Because when you have two shorties to raise, the last thing you need is crazy.

Now crazy in-laws? If your man is perfect and makes clear to the entire world that you are the #1 priority in his life and that his family can bite it if they don't like it... well, then crazy in-laws can be downright interesting!

Did I stray off onto some tangents there? Sorry. A bit tired tonight.