I don't care if Eduardo Verastegui asks me out. I will not put myself thru that again. Although, I'm sure Eduardo would shave for me. And put on a suit and tie.
Anywho, as it is Monday and it is a less than cheery day I thought I'd offer a little story time. This is the beard story I promised on Friday. So cuddle up and get lost in the magical land of the Upper Eastside.........
Ok so once upon a time, I went on a few dates with this guy who had a beard. I'm not a fan of beards nor have I ever been. But I thought this guy was worth getting to know and tried to get past the beard, plus it wasn't a huge scraggly beard anyways and looked ok on him. And so I ignored the beardedness before my very eyes. We went out multiple times. And I forgot all about my beard hatred. I grew to appreciate my date, beard and all.
But, and you knew there had to be a but, then it happened. Kissing. Kissing happened. The beard felt so bizarre and it threw me for a loop. It distracted me from one of my favorite sports. The nerve!
As the open-minded and patient person that I am, I didn't let it get to me. I said to myself, "self, this is a minor setback. Next time you will know what to expect and will not be distracted."
But, yes another but, then I got home. And I put my jammies on and I sat on the couch and said to my roomies, "what is that smell??". And they were all, "what smell"? And I was like, "I smell something awful, what is that!? Ewwww".
Ok and do you want to know what the smell turned out to be? Brace yourself bloggers.
It was my face. My upperlip had retained this disgusting stank from beard-boy's beard. I had to wash my face to get rid of the odor. Sicknast!!!!!!
And furthermore, I went out with beard-boy one more time. I was in such disbelief that I convinced myself that this had to be a one time thing, his beard couldn't always reek. Could it? Yes, it could. On the last date I even smelled the beard while sitting beside him. And when he kissed me I was just thinking "eww no, eww no".
Well, I think I must've given off some "I really don't like being close to you or kissing you" sort of a vibe because beard-boy never called me again. I couldn't help but be sort of offended. I was all prepared to turn him down for a date and he didn't even call me to give me the chance. Can you believe that?
Mark my words, I will never date another man with facial hair.
It's really not so much to ask.