I'm leaving town right before Thanksgiving and travelling around the world for 10 days. Or something like that. My little brother is all growed up now and has been living in India (not to be confused with Indiana) since July 2008. And I am finally going to go visit him. One month before he moves back to NY.
I bought my ticket two days ago and now I have to wonder... is India ready for me? Watch for me in upcoming Bollywood films bc prob some famous Indian actor/director/producer will scoop me up and want me to lead a spontaneous-coordinated-dance-scene while singing like a bird taking flight on a sweet summer morn. Obvi.
Before I leave, I have ever so much planning to do. Get a visa, shots, malaria meds, and figure out what to pack. This last task will be the greatest obstacle for me. I mean, what does one wear when travelling across the world to visit one's brother and planning to be discovered by Bollywood and then most def attending multiple red carpet events and galas as the newest star in Bollywood? Do I need ball gowns? Should I wait and buy them during my trip so I don't have to pack them? How will I do my hair? What color nail polish will I need to bring? Guchi Muchi Puchi? Expose Your Toes? Starter Wife? Oh the color options are endless.
Ok and one more dilemma... and this is weighing heavy on my mind. Night and day. What will I do with all of the inevitable suitors? As a foreigner I feel quite conflicted about stealing and then subsequently breaking the hearts of countless Indian men. It seems unfair to these men and also to the innocent women to whom they rightfully belong. The truth is, I just have too many suitors as it is and can't take on any more at this time. As the saying goes, my dance card is full. I will attempt to address the issue head on before it gets out of hand. But how? Do I cease all waxing, tweezing, and threading for the next two months in hopes of making myself look so sicknast I will repel men? Do I cover my gorgeous locks with the ugliest $5 street scarf I can locate as a disguise (oh that might work here in NYC for papa razzi as well...)? Do I walk around with my brother arm in arm and pretend he is my significant other? Do I have the stomach for that nonsense? Or do I have a t-shirt made up ahead of time that says "my dance card is full" on the front, and "your heart will go on" on the back?
As you can probably guess, I will have a lot on my mind these next two months until launch. And I will try to prepare you for my absence as best I can by appointing guest bloggers to fill the gap, dry your tears, and settle your soul.