miss me

I'm flying out to Minnesota in the morning to go to a conference for work. And I extended my stay so that I can visit with some VIPs. I'll get to see my friend from college (Mary- more on Mary after the visit) and then drive to Wisconsin to see my grandfather, Papa Buck (mayor of Wisconsin) for a couple days. He's a hoot. A scotch-pushing hoot. My most vivid memories of Papa Buck are when he would give the little girl version of me sips of scotch and I would cringe! But eventually I stopped cringing... hrmmmm.

I've never been up north to Minnesota or Wisconsin and I will report back. Oh, yeah, I'll be gone until Tuesday. If I can find a computer I will give you an update on my fab mini-work trip/vacay...

I'll miss you blogland! Will you miss me, too? How will you occupy yourself while I'm away?

TELL ME EVERYTHING.

Dear Reese,

Dear Reese,

I know we haven't socialized in quite awhile... I've been too busy to fly out to L.A. this year. And I know you do come to NYC from time to time, but it has just been that kind of a year. You know how it is. With so many benefits and charity events to attend, beauty treatments galore, donating time posing for designers as their muse, etc etc, it can be oh so difficult to find time for myself and my old friends. We'll have to catch up soon though.

I did want to write to just keep you abreast of this topic. As you know, our previous misunderstanding continues to bother me. A thorn in my side, if you will. From time to time I have been compared to you. "You look like Reese Witherspoon". "You really do resemble that actress from Legally Blonde". And on and on.

Now, obviously these misguided commoners remain unfamiliar with our circle, our crowd, our level in society. I'm sure you would agree that it is a bit declasse, bordering on crass.

It is an embarrassing mistake for both of us and I think the best remedy is for you to continue to correct such mistaken comparisons. Perhaps let the press run an article on the differences between the life of an actress versus the life of an uptown socialite? Remind these plebeians that it is you that resembles me. And not the other way around.

And please keep up with your blonde hair so as to set yourself apart as much as possible. You know how complicated things get when you go dark...

Hope to see you soon, of course. And send my regards to Jake, Ava, and Deacon.

xoxo,

Uptown Girl

what the Fritz?

The Closer Season 5 has come to an end. Closed for the season. And it is a sad state of affairs. I am going thru the typical withdrawl symptoms: can't make myself get to bed at a decent hour sleep, can't stop eating ice cream eat, and can't stop drooling when I think about Fritz. Obvi. I know you feel my pain. bleh... sob... wipe a tear.


Luckily, I do have the great ability to watch re-runs and old seasons on the world wide web and on DVD. Yay for Netflix! And, of course, I have the great honor of being able to google-image pics of my hot mess... also known as Jon Tenney... also known as Fritz Howard. Fritzie!!



Here. He. Is:

Fritz looks good in his suit. His little FBI get-up. His intense look says, "You are a difficult woman, but I have what it takes to deal with you. And I will deal with you. And in a loving way. And you won't walk all over me. No fear." On the show his look says this to Brenda, but in real life/my imagination he is saying this to me. And to you, and to every woman he melts.

Look at that face... oooh Fritzie.

Fritz has single-handedly blown my 'babs' theory to bits. Almost. The fact that he is just a character on tv and not a real man is the only thing that keeps babs intact. The only thing. And, yes, babs is going strong.

Young Jon Tenney in a tux. A tux! Uh huh. Aww yeah. Swoon.

Fritzie likes my blogizzle. Who doesn't? It makes him smile. And laugh. And swoon.

Can you think of any character that is a better example of what a man should be? And in the same mostly-realistic way that Fritz exemplifies swoonability?

Feel free to help me with these captions. I know they are lacking. And I apologize for the lack of shirtless pics, google-images deprived us all. Or maybe Fritz is just that modest?

STINKY

DEFINITION OF stinky FROM WWW.ANSWERS.COM

STINKY
v., stank (stăngk) or stunk (stŭngk), stunk, stink·ing, stinks.

v.intr.

1- To emit a strong foul odor.

2- To be highly offensive or abhorrent. To be in extremely bad repute.

3- Slang. To have something to an extreme or offensive degree: a family that stinks with money; a deed that stinks of treachery.

4- Slang. To be of an extremely low or bad quality: This job stinks.
To have the appearance of dishonesty or corruption: Something about his testimony stinks.

v.tr.
To cause to stink: garbage that stinks up the yard.

n.

1- A strong offensive odor; a stench. See synonyms at stench.
2- Slang. A scandal or controversy: “the stink over sexual politics in the military” (David Nyhan).

idiom:
make (or raise) a stink. Slang.
To make a great fuss.
[Middle English stinken, from Old English stincan, to emit a smell.]stinky stink'y adj.


Ok, so on the way to work today my nose was accosted by the odious stank of garbage. For an entire city block. I'm talking an entire east-west block very far east on the upper eastside. So, you know, it was a looooong block. A long stinky block. This is unacceptable. Would you be so kind as to contact the Mayor on my behalf?

Tell him 2 things for me:
1- hey Mike, sorry I missed dinner at the Waldorf last week, it's been a busy summer full of social engagements, you know how it is, catch you on the flipside!
2- Please correct this stinky trash smell and fill the upper eastside with pleasant scents of clean linen and gardenias. Thanks.

What definition am I using when I say that this was a stinky morning?

patience little one, patience

Yes, I am perfectly aware that the weekend is over.

It saddens me to no end. No end, I tell you.



The weekend was low key and lovely. And I never made it to my tropical beachfront paradise. But, sometimes I like low key. It beats hectic and stressful every single time. But it never beats the beach. Just saying.



Sometimes I wish this was a private blog because I want to write an ounce more freely about my innermost thoughts and secrets without worrying about who will read them. Because I have oh so many to share.



I am extremely fortunate to have women in my life who are there to listen to my confused nonsensical dilemmas and offer simple sage wisdom in return. What would I do without my girlfriends?



How would I survive even one week? My girls bring me such joy and help me to stay grounded. This is true both when I'm overly worried (read: on the brink of mental breakdown) and in times when I'm overly excited (read: getting my hopes up, or putting too much stock into something). And I try to do the same for my friends. I think as women we balance each other that way.



Maybe that is why I don't write poems very often and neglect my journal. Instead I work things out by talking things thru with my therapist friends. Why is it that I can give *amazing* advice to friends (ok, usually I can just tell them what NOT to do), but then need the same advice given back to me? We can rely on each other, uh huh. From one corner to another, uh huh. [name that tune]

I think what this advice usually comes down to is patience. A virtue that virtually escapes me. .. What is that saying? Patience is a virtue. A virtue is a grace. And grace is a girl that slaps you in the face. Something to that effect. Yeah, so back to the point of this rambling hot mess... Usually the advice we give one another is to be patient, not to rush into or out of any situation. To weigh pros and cons. To take time. Time heals and time reveals the good the bad and the fugly. Why is it so hard to remember this one little bitty life lesson? It has been the answer to almost all questions I've had. Once I give things time or just take time to work stuff out in my head, and remember that there is no need to rush, I can take a breath, take a step back, take a walk, and relax to the max. I let the question at hand lie, unanswered, and just live a little more. Then the answer will come. And it always does. Oh, and the issues swirling about in my brain can come down a notch and I can then see them for what they are... and they are usually not as urgent and pressing as they seemed before the girltalk commenced.

Anywho. I've got 2 songs whirling around in my head. One by Regina Spektor and one by Taylor Swift. Talk about poets. Those ladies rock my world. They put my feelings into words and those words into music. Haven't I told you to check out imeem.com? Do it to it. It will make your life. But as with all good things, patience will come in handy with figuring out imeem just like with figuring out life, love, work, play, and song lyrics.

Hope your Monday is happy great fantastic bearable! Just be patient bc the weekend is only a few long short days away...

imagine

This is my fantasy weekend plan... to sit in this chair on a tropical island with this view + a good book + a pool boy + it would be a cabana not this actual chair + unlimited food and beverages. Oh and minus every care in the world. And maybe you can join me. Who's in?




What does your imaginary weekend have in store?


*smile bc it is FRIDAY*

poetry on ice

I am a famous celebrity poet.

I like to write poetry and let my feelings and creative ideas flow. And I love to make everything rhyme.

Now, don't be fooled, I did not say that I am a talented poet. Hah! I just enjoy writing and find it cathartic in a way. Sorta like blogging. Trulio. I am way more into the blogging than he poeting these days. But I can recall a time when I wrote poems like they were going outta style. You know what was actually going out of style when I started writing poetry? Rolled acid wash jeans, worn with puffy hot pink socks that matched my electric pink t-shirt (knotted of course). That went out of style and I can't for the life of me understand why that fad has not returned.

The point of all of this nonsense is to fill you in on breaking news. In July, I was helping my mom clean out her garage (before she moved, remember?). I found a crap ton of memorabilia documenting my life. From colorful pre-K finger paintings to mementos left over from my Sweet-16. Pictures from every fancy dance I went to in high school... complete with the most frighteningly atrocious 90's dress/makeup/hair combos you can imagine... the teenage version of me looked like I was 45 years old in those get-ups... and my dates look like they should've been in romper room. Oh the bremories. They've scarred mine eyes and my head aches to even imagine the images once again.

I also stumbled upon about 594 love letters from my college boyfriend and 8,361 pictures of his 19 year old face (etc). Was he my first love? I don't really know. I consider him my first real love but know I thought I was in love at ages 5, 8, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17... you get the picture. Anyway, you'll be happy to learn that upon discovery these pictures and letters were thrown away. Not all, but most. A girl's gotta keep some evidence that she was once a teenager in love. Obvi.

I also uncovered my stash of poetry. If it can be called that. I found poems dating back to my 12 year old Jersey Girl days, written about how I felt like ... wait for it.... a BALLOON. I am oh so deep. In Eighth Grade I wrote about love, and how I would love Chris forever and ever and be apart from him never (that may or may not be a direct quote. 'Forever' and 'ever' and 'never' rhyme, right?). In high school I wrote about how I longed to be free of my parents rules. How I wanted to make my own decisions and my own mistakes.

I also wrote a love poem about my major crush (i'll call him Homeless Teen) and how I was sure it was "meant to be". Freaky. Homeless Teen barely knew I was alive and I didn't actually know him either. Just liked him from a distance and treasured my one picture with my stalkee. Bc that's what crazed teenagers do, ok? Don't judge. All I have to say to you right now is this: Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes. Ok so maybe it is Jack Handy saying it to you. Take that. Pow.

Do I ever write poetry now that I'm all growed up? Thank you for asking. Yes, I do. Not often and not well. I wrote like two or three poems this year, and I don't think I wrote any last year. They come to me in spurts. Kind of like writing in my journal... I either write in it on the regular or abandon it for months into years. I find that I journal and write poetry both when I'm confused or down. To try to sort out my feelings, to get them out of my head, out of my heart, and onto the paper. When I can see the feelings in black and white they don't seem so gray (grey? i hate that there are multiple spellings of that word!!). But sometimes I make little poems in my head. I like to pretend I'm creating lyrics for a new hit song. Coming soon to imeem.... you just wait. Can you relate? <---- do you see that rhyme?? I told you I get a big kick out of rhyming! My rhymes are always simplistic and uncomplicated. Because I'm writing for the everyman... jk I'm just writing for me.

what my week looks like thus far

This has been a very busy week in the middle of my less than packed summer.



It started with time on the beach relaxing, lying on my towel, working on my tan with a book and good company to distract me from my book ... ahh the memory of the beach is enough to get me thru any hectic frenzied hump day. My blissful beach time was followed by a family dinner on Sunday. My fam actually came to the city to eat. It was lovely and I hope we do it again real soon... ** in the city**.

Back at work on Monday I was pleasantly surprised by a welcome swoon. Oh you know what I'm talking about as I've referred to said swoon about 2 thousand times.

See? The week started off so well.



Since then I've just gotten busier and busier at work. Which is never a good thing. I mean, hello? I was born to be a lady who lunches, a lady of leisure. An Empress. Why do I have to work anyway? It doesn't seem right.



I'm in the process of renewing my nursing licence at the very last possible minute and have to attend a training program that I was unaware of. Yay, that's always fun and it always costs an arm and a leg to tell the state board "hi, I still exist and need you to send me a new piece of paper to confirm my continued existance in the same profession".



Oh, and I also lost my debit card... so feel free to pay for my dinner as per usual. I'm not accustomed to using cash monies. And I'm not adjusting well at all.



Time to go off the grid for the night. Errands to run and book club to host (even though I haven't exactly technically read all that I was supposed to read... hrmm). What are you up to?

It's so involved being me.

I know I haven't posted anything today. I've been too busy in my fantabulous existence (read: working). That and my usual burst of creativity has yet to arrive today. Surprising, I know. And lamespice. So sorry to disappoint you. If you are down in the dumps and were hoping for a pick-me-up here, please see yesterday's picture of Eric Bana. That should cure all that ails you. Unless what ails you is in fact the fact that I haven't posted steamy McSteamy pics just yet. But I will, oh I will. Wait for it.

Maybe I need coffee. Or maybe you should suggest a topic that you want me to write about. And maybe I will write about that topic tomorrow.

So, what do you want to know?

DO NOT READ ME

There will be no swoon here today. And no incredible noteworthy post. But, there there, don't cry little one. I have good news to share. Because sharing is caring. Secrets don't make friends, and friends don't make secrets (a certain someone recites that to me often and I have yet to figure out what she means... but I digress).

There are important things happening in Blogland today. Please make sure you are seated with your seat belt fastened and your tray table in the upright position.

By the power of Graystone, may I present JUNE 'THE SWOON' CLEAVER!!!!!!

Yeah, click the link. She's back on the scene, and since I haven't posted any swoony pics this past week, I guess June realized it was time to get back to work. It's a hard job, more of a calling really, but someone has to do it.

Oh and btw, I lied.

I'm giving in and posting one little swoony pic to prepare you for the real swoon.

You're welcome.

August Sick Day

Remember back in May when I was home sick for a couple days?? And I posted some random uber interesting facts that I learned from daytime tv here?
Well, I'm a bit under the weather again. But this time only a little bitty bit bit. I stayed home from work (*yay*) to rest up yesterday and nip this thing in the bud. I'm back to work today and I'm even feeling a little better. So don't fret.

Things I learned on tv yesterday:

1- Sam Champion must be on vacay because he had a substitute meteorologist in his place. And it wasn't his usual sub. Can you believe that?? I think it was this realization that pushed me over the edge. The edge of illness. With this realization I knew I could not function properly on the job. It weakened my already fragile state. Too much... too much.

2- Lifetime and Ion both have Reba marathons simultaneously. You can literally flip back and forth and back and forth.

3- Regis Philbin uses a CPAP machine to sleep at night. It broke.

4- The lead singer from Hootie and the Blowfish is on his own now and just came out with his first album. I forget his real name, maybe Darius Rucker? Something like that, but we will just call him Hootie. Can you guess what genre he's singing now??

[aside: Did I ever tell you that I'm a winner? That's right. I win big. About 4 years ago I won free tickets to a small semi-private Hootie&theBlowfish concert. Booyah. Booyah ka sha. And I've won other cool stuff too. Liza may be able to comment with a story or 2... hehehe]

5- Chase Crawford (of Gossip Girl... if you didn't know this, well, shame on you. And yes I think he looks a bit feminine.) used to be a valet. You know, the guy who parks your benz at fancy upscale restaurants. Well, he admits to stealing gum from important people. And he once parked Jessica Simpson's car.

6- The girl who plays Dexter's girlfriend in season 1 (i've only seen season 1 of the show, so I have no idea if she continues on) had a main role in an episode of Law & Order. I know you're thinking, "that is not news. doesn't everyone do a stint on L&O?" Anyway, don't jump to conclusions bc that is not the point here. The point is this: I think she's a rly good acctess and she was completely different in this role. So there.

7- Stacey and Clinton of 'What Not to Wear' have a lot of rules about fashion... they talk a lot about the importance of fit, structure, letting the clothes enhance your shape, etc. I think ppl should just let Liza dress them. She is my personal stylist and she doesn't have so many rules. With Liza it is more like "yes, wear that, you look hot" or "no, change outfits, you could look hotter". And I appreciate that approach.

8- Healthy Choice meals are looking more appetizing. Now if only they had more calories...

9- I want everything sold on QVC. And on infommercials. Everything.

10- The Closer is one of the bestest shows on television. I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but there are only 2 episodes left this season. Thank you sooo much.

That sums it up. 10 amazing facts learned from tv. What have you learned lately?

Swoonless Tuesday

Hello my public. Uptown Fandom at large please hear this:
(*uptown disclaimer at bottom of post*)

I am not posting a swoon today.

No hot steamy pic to drool over. Nope. Not happening.

So (Lovey & June) if that is the only reason we are friends... well I just don't know what to tell you. Maybe I should start by listing better reasons for you to read my blogizzle in addition to my wanna-be-swoons:


-I have interesting insights into pretentious new york city living.

-I condescend to associate with you online.

-I am amazing.

-You can live vicariously thru my high-class world of taxis and mani-pedis and beer champagne.

-I come up with new Uptownese Urban Slang that you should be studying daily.

-I think I'm hilarious and you should think so, too.

-I practice the fine art of being a virtual snob and debutante.

-I am fetch. Everything about me is fetch and fabulous.

-You know you love me.

-I will one day be Empress and rule the world. You may be in running to be one of my Ladies in Waiting if you play your cards right.


I will gently suggest that you soak up all of my insightful posts and be grateful they exist.

And if you need a swoon real real bad... well, June? Are you going to post one for us sometime in the near future? Because everyone should know that I only post wanna-be-swoons. What do I mean by wanna-be?? Thank you for asking. My little swoony swoons are little bits of drivel that I post from time to time to help fill the void until June 'The Swoon' Cleaver is back in business. Her swoons are on a different level. If you don't believe me you should just click her link on my sidebar. Obvi. But you should know that June, too is deeper than her swoon-abilities. She has a lot to teach us all about this great big world, about being a mom, and about the effects of beer.

Ok Lovey & June, be my guest and post your own swoonable pics. Because I can only spend so much time searching for said pics while drooling at work. I will prob post them tomorrow... time will tell.
I hope that you will come back to my blog for me and my hottness rather than for the hotties I post. They are just a bonus. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle. And please, don't make me cut you.

*DISCLAIMER: Have you heard of pms? Pre-, Post-, or Participating- Madness Syndrome. Right, well I may or may not be operating on an influx of hormones given to me by this Madness. Go ahead and guess. Make my day.*

taxi love

Everyone has been in a taxi-cab before, right? I mean, have you had at least 1 taxi ride in NYC? And how did you feel?

I happen to ride in a lot of taxis. Too many if you ask my financial advisor Wealth Manager aka Liza. But the thing is this: I <3 taxis.

As I've mentioned in the past, the city is a very hectic place and can be crazy to navigate using public transportation. Of course it all depends. Do you live near a subway? Do you work near that same subway line? Ok well, that's easy. And I hate you. But otherwise... you end up schlepping all about, waiting for multiple trains, transferring, taking the bus, etc etc etc. And if you have to cross-town -- well that is too painful to talk about. [excuse me while I wipe a tear from my eye after re-living some painful cross-town memories]

So here's the dealio yo. I am an Uptown Girl. Why do I have to take public transportation?

Why do I have to stand on the street waiting for a bus so I can cram myself between 83 other commuters and their children, purses, backpacks, rolly-things, and various bags, boxes, skateboards, bicycles, and canes?? And then after arriving at said bus-stop, I still have multiple blocks to trek along with zillions of other commuters before I get to my destination... [wiping sweat from brow]

Another option is the train. I won't go into it in detail, but take my bus description, multiply by the square root of pi and divide by 17. Then add 2-3 flights of stairs, 3 buckets of sweat (my own sweat co-mingled with the sweat of 15 strangers), the nauseating scent of urine/body odor/"only God knows what rank smell that is", and at least 1 stolen grope that is quite surprising although it should be expected. On either bus or subway you have the sounds of other ppl's iPods that are turned up way too high, so you find yourself concerned for said ppl's impending loss of hearing, while on the other hand fuming with frustration bc they aren't so considerate.

Anyways... I won't give you the exciting-slash-uber-disturbing stories I've collected from my time spent on public transportation (which compared to many ppl isn't so much time bc I avoid it so avidly).

The alternative to mass transportation is individual transportation: the infamous yellow taxi. Fleets of taxis whiz by on the busy streets. They call to me. Sparkling in the sunlight. Glittering in the streetlights. The light is on! The taxi is available! It invites me to lift my arm to signal my desire. What choice do I have?! It is love at first sight. The taxi stops. I hop in. I politely tell the driver where I need to go, how I want to go, and that I'm in a rush. And then I feel a rush. I notice my surroundings. Leather seats and a taxi-tv with Sam Champion commercials. No people sweating up on me, no icky smells, no stairs, no stares, nothing to disturb my inner-peace. And I smile. I feel happy. All is right in the world. Bliss... pure unadulterated bliss. I fall in love. I fall hard.

**This is the way I envision my taxi-ride. I may or may not be giving you a realistic picture of the experience as taxi passenger.**

Reasons why i <3 the summer...

Summertime is my fave season.
And this is why....

Swimming in pools
Swimming in the ocean
Walking on the beach
Sand in my toes
Lunch in the park
Evenings on park benches
Leisurely walks
Reading on my rooftop sundeck
Dining al fresco
Beer gardens
Shorts, tanks, sundresses
Sunglasses
Sandals
Peep-toe wedges
Pedicures

Am I forgetting anything??

As much as I love all the summer activities and possibilities, I have sadly not been taking advantage of this summer. Partly due to Sam Champion sending so much rain in my direction. Rood.

So, now it is already August and I'm feening for some beach and/or pool days. Longing for sand in my toes. Here's hoping that I get a beach day this wknd. Wishing and hoping and thinking and praying. Planning and dreaming.



Sitting waiting wishing.

If I make it to the beach I will be sure to let you know. Fill you in. Give you the low down. But not 'til Monday the day I dread you know when.

Do you have any hot plans? Enjoy your wknd and pls do something fun in the sun. And then tell me all about it. Obvi.

truly madly deeply

Remember that precious day when I sweetly suggested that you checkout Goldspot's kick arse song, "Friday"??

The song is in my head and on my mind once again today. Maybe bc today is Friday. Maybe bc it is beautiful. Maybe bc I sing it out to the office thruout the day every Friday. Maybe I put too much sugar in my coffee. Or maybe, just maybe it has a profound message and poignant lyrics that I ponder from time to time. You be the judge.

Today is friday, it is my day to live a simple life

Put on my make-up, dress up in color

Maybe you might see me down here

Could you come along, bring me in

Would you come along, bring me in

Bring me in

I took mercy on you and only posted the one verse that is speaking to me today... rather than the whole song. And now the time has come for me to translate these lyrics into a language I understand. Uptownese.

.

Translation:

.

Today is friday, it is my day to relax and mentally prepare for the weekend. Don't stress, take a breath.

Put on my make-up, hair looks fab, dress up in black bc it is so simple and chic. And classic.

You might see me uptown. Looking amazing.

Could you come uptown and take me to dinner at a posh restaurant?

Would you come along and bring me for a ride in your limo? Or PJ?

Bring me a gift.

.

Thoughts? Words of praise? That's what you thought the lyrics meant, too? Right!? I'm not surprised bc generally I feel like you totally "get" me.

.

I did preface this whole post with the fact that the Goldspot lyrics are profound. They just speak to me so clearly. And deeply. Truly, madly, deeply.

[aside: Do you recognize this nerdy teacher? If you answered 'no' to that question please go watch the video linked in the very first line. Now. I think the nerdy teacher needs to listen to the lyrics and go put on some make-up, pull her hair down, and wear a flirty outfit. Bc she really is a very pretty girl behind that turtle-neck and those glasses. Ok I like the glasses, just not with her hair up and the turtle-neck. Is there such a thing as over-modesty? Anyone?]

.

Enjoy your FRIDAY, and check back later bc I have ever so many posting ideas this morning. Gotta get some work done at present... but I will return to you my bosom blogger friends. Fo shizzle my nizzle lemon drizzle.

please consider this:

{special thx to Liza, who is tech savvier than Savv himself, in getting this beautiful pic to show up for our viewing pleasure}

McUptown?

2nd on Lovey's list of McHotties.... Patrick Dempsey. Lovey stated in her rant that I must post pics of these men without shirts. ummmm can you say scandalous?? Scan to the Da to the Lous. She then reminded me in real life about her intense virtual need to virtually view shirtless chests, abs, and arms. I got scolded. Not virtually scolded. Real life scolded. Can you even imagine??. I will repent.



But, first let's go thru the little checklist of Uptown Boy Requirements and see if Patrick meets our blogging needs, shall we??



Piercing eyes? check.

Full head of hair? check.

Wide endearing smile? check.

Looks good in scrubs? check.

Nice teeth? check.

Adores me? check check.

Shirtless photo available on Google Images? check.



Ok, well technically McDreamy meets all the requirements for becoming an Uptown Boy. However, maybe you should be the judge bc when I glance at those blue eyes I lose my train of thought.

McPreppy here looks like boy next door trying to pull off a Rob Pattinson bouffant in his blue button-down stripey shirt. Oh, you didn't notice any of that did you? You were staring at his eyes? You got lost at sea? That's what I thought.

Here, Pat is posing especially for me. Obvi, he reads the blogizzle and knows to look good in a suit if he wants to get featured. Well done Patty Pat Pat. However, you're really disappointing Lovey. She said shirtless. ShirtLESS. Lovey, can you go help him with that concept?

Yikes stripes fruit striped gum. McDreamy is McViolated. He said he'll show the arms but no more. Patrick is such a brooder sometimes.

Is this better? Aww, McDreamy is McNervous around you Lovey! As you can tell from the first pics, our boy is much more comfy in his nice button down shirts. Modest mouse that he is.

He finally gave in just to take this 1 picture for the blogizzle. And we appreciate it, don't we?

Now, please answer my original question. Does McDreamy have what it takes to be an Uptown Boy? Is he Mr. McUptown?

feel bad for me...

I want you to know that I've been trying to post an uber important hilario pic to share with you. Bc that's the kind of girl I am.

But, alas, I cannot. I'm quite upset right now because my amazing plan is foiled. The internet can be soooo lamespice.

Anyway, this post is to tell you that it is ok if you feel bad for me. In fact, feel free to comfort me in my disappointment. And, as always, the best way to encourage me is to send me gifts. I am a size zero or 2 at most American stores, and if you feel so inclined as to make me something on your sewing machine, my dimensions are 36-24-36.

I'm starting to feel better already. Blogging is so cathartic sometimes, don't you think?

what a Bratt!

Back by popular request: a more formal swoony swoon.
Lovey is quite upset that I teased her the way I did yesterday. She wanted to see a picture of a man, not a pizza. Some ppl are picky like that...

Lovey commented on the pizza-swoon-post and gave a little list of her demands requests.

In an attempt to keep my day job, I can only search for pics of these men 1-at-a-time. Otherwise it is way too distracting and time consuming. And my coworkers complain when I'm drooling too much at my desk. I'm sure you can imagine what I'm talking about. Lamespice.

Starting at the top of Lovey's list is Benjamin Bratt. While I'm not personally his biggest fan, I do see the appeal. The back story is this. He used to be with Julia Roberts. He broke up with Julia to pursue me. I didn't like him like that. The chemistry wasn't there. I mean, he's a sweetie and he bought me lots of flowers and dinners. But I'm just not that into him. I tried to let him down easy by giving him a copy of the book "He's Just Not That Into You", but he didn't get the hint and stepped up his game. Next, I bought him Seasons 1-6 of "The Wonder Years" so he'd understand what I meant when I said "Sorry Benny, I don't like you like you". Anyways, as you can imagine, this has all been very hard on little BennyBoy. He has since moved on, but not 100%, obvi, he still sends flowers from time to time.

Here he is with my man Eduardo Verastagui. Not the best shot of either one, I admit. But hello, anybody that is friends with EVerastagui is a friend of mine.

Oh, Benny. You are pensive. You are worried about how to get me to like you. You are wearing a suit bc you read my blogizzle and you know how I feel about menswear. Sexy+Smart=Swoonable.

Benny went thru a bad-boy stage during his post-rejection-depresison. He has since gotten the tattoo of my face removed from his back.

Ok, this was taken after Ben started moving on from his maddening-crush on me. He saw the light at the end of the tunnel after I introduced him to his (now) wife. What a relief...

Who would be willing to comfort Benjie if he ever sinks back into his depression??? Anyone?

Monday Swoon

Yes, today is Monday. And in true "June The Swoon Cleaver's Biggest Fan" style, I decided to post a swoonworthy pic for you on this fine horrible excuse for a day-of-the-week.

No, today has not been a bad Monday or anything. And, you know how I hate it when you jump to conclusions like that. Simmer down before I call Bon Qui Qui.

Monday is just one of those days. My frenemy. And Mondays are always less Mondayish with a swoon. Everybody knows that. Common knowledge. Common sense.

I've been trying to come up with a swoonworthy gentleman to post. I thought about posting another shot of Josh Duhamel (my baby daddy)(jk jk) or Ryan Reynolds. I also considered choosing from my long list of celebrities who stalk me and socialite gentlemen callers. But, again, we've seen their faces on these swoons time and time again. You know who you are [Sam Champion].

All I can really swoon over at this moment is a pizza pie. When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's AMORE. Obvi.
Without further ado.... may I present... for the first time on The Uptown Girl Blogizzle.....

AMORE!!!!!

Go ahead, swoon...