Sunday, January 10, 2010

sad little netbook.

I did it. I bought my cute little Asus computer on Friday night after work.

Like (I can only imagine) a new mom bringing her baby home from the hospital, I brought my little computer home from BestBuy. And I nurtured it and loved it. And I named it. And I played with it.
When I turned on my Asus and signed onto the internet, I noticed something immediately. Mr. Asus is slower than a turtle in a race. Slower than a Sunday morning. Slower than my brain on Monday morning. AND - get this - my new Asus is just about as slow or possibly even slower than my slower than slow work computer. Did you get all that?
The Asus is just annoying the f-ing heck out of me. The heck I tell you! When I clickity click in one place I wait and nothing happens. Nothing happens. Wait wait wait. And then something is magically clicked on another part of the screen. I'm all "hello Mr. Asus, are you confused? Do you have any idea who I am???" No answer. Rude.

Another thing- I'll start typing and the letters don't show up right away. And then maybe not at all until I try again. And what happens a lot is that I'll be here typing and the letters show up in the wrong order. The Asus is misspelling my words. Or I am. Hard to say. Admittedly, this same problem occurs on every computer I use and often with pen and paper. But, let's just blame the Asus.

For a balanced approach, I decided to poll my live audience.
My sister Liza states: "It looks cool, but all you do is complain about it."
Liza's Tall Glass of Mantini, Shaken Not Stirred notes: "I haven't used it, but it looks really nice."
Our visiting canine, Holly: No comment.

So, there you have it.

Here's my plan:
Use the computer a little more.
See if I like anything about it.
See if anything improves with my love and care.
See if I can stop shouting curses at it.
Go to BestBuy and see if I can return this thing.
Meet a good looking geek on the Geek Squad.*
Go on a few dates with the geek.
Fall in love.
Then, my geek gives me an awesome but expensive laptop that is fast as lightning. Much like Kung Foo Fighting.
I blog all the time on my lightspeet computer.
I spell all words correctly.
I get a raise.
I buy a beach house.
So, you see, as frustrating as Mr. Asus has been so far, I'm open to giving it a chance knowing that I have a solid plan in place. The plan is such a comfort. It soothes me. I should probably mention that to my analyst. Jk- who sees analysts anymore? But, I'll mention it to my therapist. And to the Geek Squad.

*In truth, finding a good looking and normal geek on the Geek Squad is entirely unlikely in my experience. It would be a miracle.


Amber W. said...

Just when I thought this post was going to be happy and exciting and telling of things you're going to be able to post about with a new computer, I was taken in the opposite direction. Boo to slow computers! I hope it is short-lived and that it starts earning its keep. :-)

DeNae said...

You're in a bad relationship, UG, and you need to kick his sorry Asus to the curb! Non-responsive, not your intellectual equal (you did say 'slow') deceitful (you think he's in one place and he shows up somewhere else, slurring his words and embarrassing you in front of your dog.

But the most telling part of all is how messed up your head is over this... were seriously fantasizing about a Geek Squad guy.

DeNae said...

Blast. Will you finish puncuating that comment, please? It's this damned computer...

katyfeeney said...

One word for you, Maria: APPLE!

rita said...

Sorry Asus--hahahahaha!

Maybe, like the blogger lady who encouraged you to get it (God, I hate Mondays!), you can upgrade the memory and stuff. Other than that, I got nuttin.

Except no Apples. I just don't like 'em.

Uptown Girl said...

I am happy to report that after more use of the Asus yesterday, blogging on it, and letting it warm up a little longer, it performed at more normal speeds.

I'm deciding to either upgrade the GBs (when I get paid again) or return it (found out I have 14 days).

THanks for everybody's concern- I feel so loved :) And luckily my bad romance is a little bit better.