sad little netbook.

I did it. I bought my cute little Asus computer on Friday night after work.

Like (I can only imagine) a new mom bringing her baby home from the hospital, I brought my little computer home from BestBuy. And I nurtured it and loved it. And I named it. And I played with it.

When I turned on my Asus and signed onto the internet, I noticed something immediately. Mr. Asus is slower than a turtle in a race. Slower than a Sunday morning. Slower than my brain on Monday morning. AND - get this - my new Asus is just about as slow or possibly even slower than my slower than slow work computer. Did you get all that?

The Asus is just annoying the f-ing heck out of me. The heck I tell you! When I clickity click in one place I wait and nothing happens. Nothing happens. Wait wait wait. And then something is magically clicked on another part of the screen. I'm all "hello Mr. Asus, are you confused? Do you have any idea who I am???" No answer. Rude.

Another thing- I'll start typing and the letters don't show up right away. And then maybe not at all until I try again. And what happens a lot is that I'll be here typing and the letters show up in the wrong order. The Asus is misspelling my words. Or I am. Hard to say. Admittedly, this same problem occurs on every computer I use and often with pen and paper. But, let's just blame the Asus.

For a balanced approach, I decided to poll my live audience.

My sister Liza states: "It looks cool, but all you do is complain about it."

Liza's Tall Glass of Mantini, Shaken Not Stirred notes: "I haven't used it, but it looks really nice."

Our visiting canine, Holly: No comment.

So, there you have it.

Here's my plan:

Use the computer a little more.

See if I like anything about it.

See if anything improves with my love and care.

See if I can stop shouting curses at it.

Go to BestBuy and see if I can return this thing.

Meet a good looking geek on the Geek Squad.*
Go on a few dates with the geek.

Fall in love.

Then, my geek gives me an awesome but expensive laptop that is fast as lightning. Much like Kung Foo Fighting.

I blog all the time on my lightspeet computer.

I spell all words correctly.

I get a raise.

I buy a beach house.

So, you see, as frustrating as Mr. Asus has been so far, I'm open to giving it a chance knowing that I have a solid plan in place. The plan is such a comfort. It soothes me. I should probably mention that to my analyst. Jk- who sees analysts anymore? But, I'll mention it to my therapist. And to the Geek Squad.

*In truth, finding a good looking and normal geek on the Geek Squad is entirely unlikely in my experience. It would be a miracle.